[Asiablue]

I feel like i rely on my therapist a lot! Very often i speak to her in between sessions. She's fine with it, i'm not tho. I hate needing her over and above the hour session per week.

Most weeks i speak to her on the phone (usually for an hour) maybe once in between sessions but last week i spoke to her twice. It was a tough week for me tho.

I don't feel over-dependent but i don't feel comfortable using her for support either. And right now i'm really annoyed with her and going thru hell because of it and i have no one to talk to about it. What do you do when the person you'd talk to when you're feeling bad, is the person who has caused you to feel bad in the first place?

[sweepy62]

Right now, I am in the early stage of this relationship with the new t, so Im not needing her very much, but I must admit, that she wont be in next week due to psychology conference, so it will be the first time, we wont be meeting weekly. I guess I am feeling a bit of , not anxiety but insecure, like she is not coming back, but this is due to the past 2 therapists leaving.

I will keep busy as she gave me homework, a heavy duty question to write about. I am feeling insecure though. She did schedule 4 appointments in advance to prove she was coming back.

I don't need him much anymore really as long as life is going along fairly smoothly; however, I choose to use him when I become less stable as he functions really well as the voice of reason and rationality when my mind isn't quite in that spot itself.

[Ambra]

Too much, I'm afraid. I'm going to move and it's my biggest concern right after the money for the rent and the new city.

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[Asiablue]

Originally Posted by 1914sierra

I don't need him much anymore really as long as life is going along fairly smoothly; however, I choose to use him when I become less stable as he functions really well as the voice of reason and rationality when my mind isn't quite in that spot itself.

I feel like if i was in genuine crisis i'd feel better about calling. But a lot of the time i just feel really awful and it helps to speak to her. She said if i feel really crappy to call, but i don't want to become too dependent. And that's a real risk for me i feel.
There's a real push/pull between allowing interdependence (healthy) and being super independent just to prove that i can be (unhealthy) and i just have no middle ground.. or so it feels. I have no idea how to get the balance right.

[Asiablue]

Originally Posted by Ambra

Too much, I'm afraid. I'm going to move and it's my biggest concern right after the money for the rent and the new city.

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Can you define too much? What is too much for you?

[IndestructibleGirl]

For me it's metaphorically like food. Like having not enough money for a full and nutritionally rich diet, but enough to survive and just get by most days - so technically I don't 'need' her.. Then some days the hunger creeps up and I feel starved and need her with intensity and urgency, the thought of her leaving my life forever panics me, like I'm really famished but for nurturance. Then other days it's just kinda wistful, like wouldn't it be lovely to have really nice ice cream, but it's not a necessity.

[Asiablue]

Originally Posted by IndestructibleGirl

For me it's metaphorically like food. Like having not enough money for a full and nutritionally rich diet, but enough to survive and just get by most days - so technically I don't 'need' her.. Then some days the hunger creeps up and I feel starved and need her with intensity and urgency, the thought of her leaving my life forever panics me, like I'm really famished but for nurturance. Then other days it's just kinda wistful, like wouldn't it be lovely to have really nice ice cream, but it's not a necessity.

Sometimes i'm not sure if my urgency for ice-cream is because i'm genuinely starving or just because i want it. and ice cream can get addictive and too much isn't good for you... sigh.

[NOS-NOS]

My therapist has done much to influence me, but things for the most part have plateued so I don't technically need her as much, aside from the occasional flare-up. I don't talk to her outside our biweekly appointments. It is nice having someone to talk to though, most of our meetings seem to be status updates.

[IndestructibleGirl]

Originally Posted by Asiablue

Sometimes i'm not sure if my urgency for ice-cream is because i'm genuinely starving or just because i want it. and ice cream can get addictive and too much isn't good for you... sigh.

Ha I know! Tricky to work it out, I get muddled.

Originally Posted by Asiablue

I feel like if i was in genuine crisis i'd feel better about calling. But a lot of the time i just feel really awful and it helps to speak to her. She said if i feel really crappy to call, but i don't want to become too dependent. And that's a real risk for me i feel.
There's a real push/pull between allowing interdependence (healthy) and being super independent just to prove that i can be (unhealthy) and i just have no middle ground.. or so it feels. I have no idea how to get the balance right.

If I'm feeling really crappy, I don't hesitate to call him. That is what he is there for. That isn't being dependent; that's just using my resources as far as I see it. I figure if my ability to deal isn't working despite my best efforts to utilize my skills and strengths, then going to T for input and help IS the healthy choice. I'm just at a stage where I generally can manage most things on my own now. I certainly wasn't always in this place. Remember we are all in different stages with varying needs, and that's okay.

[Asiablue]

Originally Posted by 1914sierra

If I'm feeling really crappy, I don't hesitate to call him. That is what he is there for. That isn't being dependent; that's just using my resources as far as I see it. I figure if my ability to deal isn't working despite my best efforts to utilize my skills and strengths, then going to T for input and help IS the healthy choice. I'm just at a stage where I generally can manage most things on my own now. I certainly wasn't always in this place. Remember we are all in different stages with varying needs, and that's okay.

Thanks Chris, it's good to be reminded that this is just a stage and it won't always be this way.

I just have great difficulty in determining if i'm trying hard enough to deal with things myself, and also i have difficulty with sitting with powerful emotions. So while a lot of the time i probably could limp on until my next session, i hate sitting with it all and end up reaching out. Is this me not trying hard enough or is it me recognising i need help and reaching out for it?

[Ambra]

Originally Posted by Asiablue

Can you define too much? What is too much for you?

Sure, I was quite inaccurate! Having never relied on anyone in particular since I was 10, now I find myself wondering what my terapist would say about the things I do and I ask her point of view. It seems like I've run out of all my resilience and independency and feel the need to tell her things that maybe aren't even relevant just because I feel I can't talk to others. My sessions have the priority on other things and lately I've been looking forward to them. Now that I'm finally moving I don't even want to think about changing therapist. I know I just need an emotionally safe place but this is quite new for me and it feels "too much" at the moment, compared to how little I used to rely on people...

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[boredporcupine]

I don't know the answer to this question, but I know I have struggled with it a lot myself. Having said that, I can now look back and say that I don't regret reaching out the times I did in the past. I think it was at least partially about internalizing how to be cared for.

[stopdog]

I don't think I do need the woman. I choose to utilize her for some things, but I could find another resource or I could live without it.

too much in my opinion!

[Asiablue]

Originally Posted by stopdog

I don't think I do need the woman. I choose to utilize her for some things, but I could find another resource or I could live without it.

I think i choose to need her. I know if she terminated me tomorrow, i wouldn't die, i sure could do with the money i spend on therapy to spend it elsewhere!

But she is useful to have around lol and now i'm in that mindset i do depend on her.

[Asiablue]

Originally Posted by boredporcupine

I don't know the answer to this question, but I know I have struggled with it a lot myself. Having said that, I can now look back and say that I don't regret reaching out the times I did in the past. I think it was at least partially about internalizing how to be cared for.

Interesting, because looking back there's not a time i've regretted calling her. I just regret letting her "in" in the first place.

[HazelGirl]

More than I want to, but less than I get the impression I should.

[Petra5ed]

I feel like I need my therapist way more than I would like!!

I seem to go back and forth, from utterly just needing him, to feeling like I'll be fine without him. In reality I don't need him I guess. Life would go on, I would just mourn for a while.

Need or want?

When I learned to trust that she meant what she said, "Lean on me 24/7," only then was I able to move ahead. I had to learn to fully trust her. I needed her a hell of a lot with extra sessions, emails, and phone calls. This was encouraged by her. She taught me that my needs and wants were okay. She gave me what I wanted and needed as long as she was available, still taking care of herself, and moved me forward to healing. I now have the reins, and am doing quite well, and have a happiness and a peace I had never known.

[growlithing]

She's everything. Not quite. But whenever I'm upset or need help, she's the first person I want to talk to and often times the only person.

[Asiablue]

Originally Posted by _Mouse

Need or want?

That's what i'm trying to work out... is it need or want? Is it ok to just want? To just need soothing and someone to talk to? Or should t just be need or crisis!?

[feralkittymom]

I just wonder if you could put it to her--"Look, I have these impulses to call you because I feel crappy, but I wrestle with myself about whether I need to or not, and whether I should or not, and how you feel about it?

How about an experiment, that for the next 2 weeks I give into my impulses; then we talk about it: how I felt making the calls, how I felt afterwards, how I feel now; whether you thought my calls were appropriate, productive, etc, and how you reacted to them. Then see where we are. "

I just wonder what it would be like to have a time when you had explicit instructions to call whenever you felt the urge? When you were not to feel responsible for where the boundaries are, nor feel any fear about whether you'd crossed them. To experience how that would feel? I'm just thinking it might be a way of getting out of your head about it and closer to the experience of feeling it.

Would that feel like a frightening challenge or a relief?