At first I put my whole life in her hands. I gave away all if my power and gave away all of my choice. I felt helpless and as gestalt t says helplessness is a sure sign of trauma but t1 just called it needy.
I personally have put too much trust in my ts and have suffered because of it but now I trust my intuition and my self more I am weary of therapists and their agendas and I question them more and try not to put as much trust in their ability and more trust in myself and my intuition.
Is this common, to give away all of your power to a t and let them take over the driver seat instead of gently guiding us along!
Can anyone else relate?

Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

[stopdog]

I would not say it is common for me to do. But I wonder sometimes why others seem to give therapists so much power.

Originally Posted by stopdog

I would not say it is common for me to do. But I wonder sometimes why others seem to give therapists so much power.

I would never do it again now that I learned my lesson but I see why I did it because I needed someone to care for me, I needed someone to tell me what to do, I was powerless at that time in my life, there are always choices but maybe they weren't obvious at the time.
I could not imagine you ever giving your power to anyone

Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

[stopdog]

I think I go about it differently than some others. I don't think that I have ever thought others could take care of me properly past small childhood. Not that they wouldn't try - but that they would screw it up and so it is simply better to do it myself. I don't need taking care of for the most part anyway.
I don't see therapists as any better at anything than most of the other people I know, so giving power over to them would not seem useful to me. I have no faith in the therapist's ability to take care of a client. Her few and feeble attempts at inserting herself have been appalling and unnecessary.

I don't know if it is common, but I've never been one to throw all of my trust into one person without a healthy balance of personal instinct and perspective (at least not since childhood).

I trust quite easily, but I don't trust blindly. Sounds like you've jumped from blind trust to pretty close to distrust (perhaps a bit black and white). There is a healthy balance to be found in between.

Originally Posted by stopdog

I think I go about it differently than some others. I don't think that I have ever thought others could take care of me properly past small childhood. Not that they wouldn't try - but that they would screw it up and so it is simply better to do it myself. I don't need taking care of for the most part anyway.
I don't see therapists as any better at anything than most of the other people I know, so giving power over to them would not seem useful to me. I have no faith in the therapist's ability to take care of a client. Her few and feeble attempts at inserting herself have been appalling and unnecessary.

Yes, this is where I went wrong. I idolised my t and thought she was better and knew better than me!
Now that I know different and that they don't know how to do my life better than me or to tell me how to live my life is not good advice!


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

Originally Posted by 1914sierra

I don't know if it is common, but I've never been one to throw all of my trust into one person without a healthy balance of personal instinct and perspective (at least not since childhood).

I trust quite easily, but I don't trust blindly. Sounds like you've jumped from blind trust to pretty close to distrust (perhaps a bit black and white). There is a healthy balance to be found in between.

Yes, again! You are good at pointing this out too me and this is where my work is- to establish a healthy balance and knowing that things aren't so black and white!
Cbt, is quite good for this and I this is where I miss my ex t for keeping me on track with my faulty brain wiring and perceptions!
I trust too easily but maybe this is my lesson so learn to trust the people who show me they are trustworthy

Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

[missbella]

My idolizing became particularly damaging when therapy went off-rails. Now I regret forfeiting my judgment to those people- opposite of therapeutic for me.

If I recall Robert Baker's Mind Games, this late head of the U of Kentucky Psych Department also warns against surrendering completely in someone's hands.

[ScarletPimpernel]

I'm guilty of giving pretty much all my trust to my T. Minus a few things I would never tell anyone, and constantly worrying that my perception of her is wrong, I do trust her. (This sounds like I'm a total hypocrite seeing how I posted a thread about being my T's job ) I wouldn't jump off a bridge though...even if she promised me the world...I wouldn't even trust her with the "fall and release" experiment thingy.

That being said, I am forcing myself to trust her. I don't trust anyone. I've been abandoned so bad that I wound up homeless with no one and nothing. But I cannot survive this life on my own at the current time. I have to get help. I have to trust someone. Will it hurt me in the end...yeah, probably. But at least I realize it...not that it will make it any easier.

Originally Posted by missbella

My idolizing became particularly damaging when therapy went off-rails. Now I regret forfeiting my judgment to those people- opposite of therapeutic for me.


If I recall Robert Baker's Mind Games, this late head of the U of Kentucky Psych Department also warns against surrendering completely in someone's hands.

It is not advisable to any proffession but especially not to therapists- although that being said, I don't think therapy can be successful if we are not a little vulnerable!
That sounds like an interesting read Missbella

Originally Posted by ScarletPimpernel

I'm guilty of giving pretty much all my trust to my T. Minus a few things I would never tell anyone, and constantly worrying that my perception of her is wrong, I do trust her. (This sounds like I'm a total hypocrite seeing how I posted a thread about being my T's job ) I wouldn't jump off a bridge though...even if she promised me the world...I wouldn't even trust her with the "fall and release" experiment thingy.


That being said, I am forcing myself to trust her. I don't trust anyone. I've been abandoned so bad that I wound up homeless with no one and nothing. But I cannot survive this life on my own at the current time. I have to get help. I have to trust someone. Will it hurt me in the end...yeah, probably. But at least I realize it...not that it will make it any easier.

I sorry you were hurt so bad
Maybe it's safer to trust a little bit at a time and only give trust to people who earn it?


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

[Asiablue]

I would say i blindly trusted my 1st T, adored her and had her on a pedestal and ignored the warning signs that the boundaries weren't being observed. I gave away my power. I think it came from a very young place where i wanted to be looked after and to belong to someone. And when she seemed to offer some of that i ignored that she wasn't being ethical. Because my needs were bigger than any abstract ethics rule book and it was worth the risk that maybe i'd finally get my "happy ever after".

Of course, it could never be a happy ending, and it wasn't. It was a disaster and i was devastated by the betrayal. But I did learn from it, and I don't give away my power anymore, my eyes are wide open when it comes to therapists.

[missbella]

Originally Posted by monalisasmile

It is not advisable to any proffession but especially not to therapists- although that being said, I don't think therapy can be successful if we are not a little vulnerable!
That sounds like an interesting read Missbella

If I recall, Mind Games was the retired professor's late-career rant about what he saw as problems in his field. I believe his advice to clients about a moderate approach was in the last chapter. There are descriptions of the book on the web.

Originally Posted by missbella

If I recall, Mind Games was the retired professor's late-career rant about what he saw as problems in his field. I believe his advice to clients about a moderate approach was in the last chapter. There are descriptions of the book on the web.

It must an extremely long book then
There are more problems then there are words!
I had a quick search but could only find this
http://www.goodreads.com/book/show/786680.Mind_Games

Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

Originally Posted by Asiablue

I would say i blindly trusted my 1st T, adored her and had her on a pedestal and ignored the warning signs that the boundaries weren't being observed. I gave away my power. I think it came from a very young place where i wanted to be looked after and to belong to someone. And when she seemed to offer some of that i ignored that she wasn't being ethical. Because my needs were bigger than any abstract ethics rule book and it was worth the risk that maybe i'd finally get my "happy ever after".

Of course, it could never be a happy ending, and it wasn't. It was a disaster and i was devastated by the betrayal. But I did learn from it, and I don't give away my power anymore, my eyes are wide open when it comes to therapists.

Your inner child craved her love and attention
I think this is a normal want for some of us in therapy and it hurts when we don't get what we need!
I hope you can see now that it wasn't your fault, none of it was and our ts are always in charge of ethics and boundaries but sometimes their vision gets clouded and we suffer

Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

[Victoria'smom]

I trust easily but I also learned your actions and words will always be against you. So I'll never be surprised if things are used against me. If I say or hand someone something its theirs and I never mine again.

Originally Posted by Miguel'smom

I trust easily but I also learned your actions and words will always be against you. So I'll never be surprised if things are used against me. If I say or hand someone something its theirs and I never mine again.

this sounds like a hard lesson to learn!

Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

[missbella]

Originally Posted by monalisasmile

It must an extremely long book then
There are more problems then there are words!
I had a quick search but could only find this
Mind Games: The Guide to Inner Space by Robert E.L. Masters ? Reviews, Discussion, Bookclubs, Lists

That's a different Mind Games. It's also an interesting book of visualization/creativity exercises.

This is Robert Baker's book.
Mind Games: Are You Obsessed with Therapy? - Robert A. Baker - Google Books

You might find this list of interest.
TELL: Therapy Exploitation Link Line

[OneWorld]

Originally Posted by stopdog

I have no faith in the therapist's ability to take care of a client. Her few and feeble attempts at inserting herself have been appalling and unnecessary.

Can I ask why you go to her then? Instead of finding one that can care for you in a professional way?

Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

[stopdog]

Originally Posted by OneWorld

Can I ask why you go to her then? Instead of finding one that can care for you in a professional way?

Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

Because I don't go to the therapist to be cared about and I have finally gotten her to stay back now.

[OneWorld]

I agree with that. I would like to be cared FOR inside the session (i.e. My needs being met and not hers) but being cared ABOUT isn't a priority for me.

Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

[stopdog]

I don't think of it in terms of me having needs where the therapist is concerned. I don't look to be cared for or about by the therapist. Or any other preposition.

[Freewilled]

Originally Posted by stopdog

I don't think of it in terms of me having needs. I don't look to be cared for or about. Or any other preposition.

This is how I've always operated.....or at least tried to. It seems like when I try to connect that's when things fall apart for me.

[pinkbutterfly]

I feel like I trust my T too much. It scares me because I have been seeing her weekly now for just over a year, and just last week we started twice a week sessions while I work on some of this trauma stuff. And just in the past month or so I realize that I really do trust her.

And in the last hour or so while writing some other stuff, I realize that I trust my T more than anyone else i have ever trusted. Scares the crap out of me. Even the T I saw twice a week for two years, I was never at this level with her.

I'm terrified I am going to be devastated because trusting people has always led to devastation for me. And it sucks.

I definitely am not blindly trusting her. But it's scary.

I just empty my mind on the table like assorted garbage and let T sort through it for 50 minutes.

[Ambra]

I relate and admit that while sometimes it is ok to let T do it (as for me, when I just have too much going on and need her to sort it out), it is also scary most of the times. Plus, after giving them so much power, I pay the consequences when things start to fall apart or when T makes a false step - which has happened very very rarely, but when it did, like in last session, it made things bad, because I put so much trust in t that I struggle to handle disappointment.