Putting too much trust in your t!

Yes I have done this..but then again he's not a therapist so idk what I was expecting.

I have never yet met a therapist who is even remotely willing to be involved to that degree . I'd give an awful lot to find a T who was willing to guide me and give me options and take control of the sessions. Be a stronger wiser other in other words. Don't exist in my experience.

Monalise I'm sorry you've had bad experiences with Ts who tried to control you, but it sounds like you've learnt from that and are stronger and wiser yourself now

I never feared putting so much trust in my T before reading many of the personal horror stories on this forum. I know my T would be so mad if I told her that too because she spends so much time pounding it into my head that she has never done anything to justify my fears and she will be around as long as I need her.

All of the "what if's" and anticipation of termination lives in the back of my mind.

Sadly, I can relate to this. My T has been a wholly benign person for me, and has never given me any reason to doubt him, but I find it hard not to fear the worst.

I think what you and I need to remind ourselves of is the fact that people with success stories are much less likely to come here to tell them - it's human nature.

Funny I was just talking about that with someone a couple days ago. I was reading something on a website similar to Yelp and wondered how much I could base my decision to try a new business off of reading the reviews, for exactly the same reason. The several happy customers, success stories, etc. often don't bother to post reviews.

Another lesson I've been learning the hard way is to avoid people and threads that have this stuff going on:


Because then I always feel more depressed and tend to want to immediately quit therapy and never look back!

This happens every week for me
I only have to see t not looking her hear her say something I don't like or even read something here and I tell myself "I am quitting and never going back"

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Mast sure does have a point though, Mona! We all have our own unique stories and we don't 100% know all the details behind the nightmare scenarios. I'm sure there are more good T's out there than bad. Well...I hope.

It sure is a lot easier to expect the worst though.

[QUOTE=monalisasmile;3678461]Your inner child craved her love and attention
I think this is a normal want for some of us in therapy and it hurts when we don't get what we need!
I hope you can see now that it wasn't your fault, none of it was and our ts are always in charge of ethics and boundaries but sometimes their vision gets clouded and we suffer

Yes, that is very true. I've had a similarly painful experience with a therapist. I'm glad I can see things for what they are now.

(I'm sure there are far more good Ts out there than not so good. Sometimes its a question of not a very good fit or a T doesn't have the right 'method' for a particular client but keeps them anyway.)

This is so true Daisymay and I think in these recessionary times, therapists are more inclined to hang onto their patients regardless of whether they are helping or not. I am sorry you were hurt too

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A therapist can't be that involved unless you let them and this my lesson here, to stop giving them all my power!
I am in charge of my life not them.
I think there is some weird dynamic goes on with me and female therapists. I want someone to rescue me and their rescuer part is activated, only it goes into overload and it ends up as control not rescue and neither is any good for me!

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Now that's interesting! I have a profound need to be rescued (probably lots of different words for it too, but rescue sounds about right) but seem to make people respond in precisely the opposite way - instead of activating their rescuer part (which makes a lot of sense in regard to what I've read of your situations) I seem to inspire them to oppose and reject and push me away. Result, I get more alienated and need rescuing even more

I wonder if you're consciously aware of how you might inspire their rescuer part - what sorts of things you might have been doing that sent the 'rescue me' messages? (Lol I'm thinking I might take a leaf or two from your book.)

Sorry to sound flippant about what have been awful times for you with rescuers turning controllers, I was just interested in the dynamic that might have set up this pattern.

Haha lol, sorry lamplighter this made me yes, it was awful but it's nice to look on the bright side sometimes.

I don't know what about me makes them want to rescue me. Ex t said I was so small and cute and she just wanted to take me home and look after me, of course I liked that at first but then she thought she could tell me how to live my life and what I should do....

I can be very helpless which I am told is a symptom of trauma and when I get overwhelmed I am at a loss for words so of course.....t comes to the rescue. I sit there stunned liked a rabbit in the headlights.
I think it depends on the ts too, all of my ts have been older women with no children or their children had left home and they had empty nest syndrome, which makes a perfect recipe for rescuing.

I tried a t that was ten years older than me once but it so didn't work and felt weird, I think she was uncomfortable with the dynamic too.

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