long, whiny, rambling ...

Ah, but is he full-up on clients wanting to pay full price/out-of-pocket? I would concentrate on the "comfort" value you provide of his continuing to see a client he knows and likes versus the anxiety of having to break in a new client. He can't know if the new person will work out. It's kind of like when a company hires a new employee and has to train them and break them in, etc. I think they'd much prefer if the old employee would just stay. I know how fond I am of change (not!) and I don't really think there are people that relish it. T's probably do better at tolerating it but I doubt many like it, the turnover in clients and having to find new clients, the paperwork and marketing their services and getting use to one another, how reliable the person is, etc.?

Yes, I second that!

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Insurance doesn't actually PAY ANYTHING, CE. I have such a large deductible, I have never reached it. So, I would be paying out of pocket for every session, just at less than his usual rate. So, he makes slightly more for the month going through insurance versus seeing me every other week. It just takes up a slot fortnightly that would pay full price.

I'm just wondering if your t knows all this. If he does, I agree with Leah's post, though maybe I agree with it anyway, but even more if he knows about your insurance. He probably HAS to offer you the lower rate if you have the insurance, so it sucks if he knows you have it and he's discouraging it.

Ha, your posts not whiny at all... I'd be far more hurt and angry. This really sucks :/
In my book it's different than offering sliding scale, he did sign up to this insurance so he should take it.
Is this even legal?
Sorry for my ignorance but this just doesn't sound right. Seeing a client and not take hers insurance eventhough he's on their list...

There is nothing wrong about whining ya know. We all need a vent and a rant at times!

That being said, it is understandable that you would be put out by his comments. There was no need for him to drive it home so bluntly. I mean yes, he needs to put bread on the table but he could have tackled it somewhat better.

Hm, also not sure if i misunderstood this and please correct me if i am wrong - re your insurance company: does this means all this time you’ve paid the full amount when you could have paid half (or at least a lower rate)? Yikes, in this case i would also feel he ‘owed’ me for all the time I paid full whack... and in which case, i would also find his stance re payment & lower rates a bit ‘off’. A bit rich coming from him when you were entitled to a lower rate and he never even broached a lower payment option. Tbh, I think anyone would be justified to be upset at T.

wow how confusing for you . glad it worked out but wow . hugs to you and a slap in the head to him for just not getting it and being all therapist and not treating you like a human. im sorry you were hurt

He is going to take that rate; he just wasn't going to offer it to me voluntarily without knowing I had that insurance. Does that make sense? Also he was kind of laughing when he said it sucks. He didn't say it in a mean way but at the same time, it seemed like he actually meant it.

I am relieved to hear you can continue weekly, this conversation was apparently not him at his most eloquent, eh? Sorry he bumbled his way through a sensitive topic, but glad to hear more context. I often wish when our Ts cause the upset we could get a refund for those sessions. Ah well.

Yeah, Leah, I have been a bit resentful in the past about paying for sessions that deal with nothing except the fact that he made a mistake. He acknowledges his mistakes, and we discuss them and it's great to be heard and validated, but at the same time, I think that there should be an offer of a discount or something. LOL.

The situation has been really complicated in terms of money, I suppose. When I got this insurance, the depression was a preexisting condition and my policy excluded coverage for preexisting conditions. Period. End of story. No matter how long we kept the policy, coverage for preexisting conditions never kicked in. My MIL offered to pay for my therapy out of a trust fund because she was so worried about me. However, her condition was that I saw HER T. So I did and it turned out well.

After Obamacare was implemented, insurance companies are no longer allowed to exclude coverage for preexisting conditions, and I asked T if he took insurance and he said no, except for one company. As I said, I assumed it was not my company because it is the weird company basically only used by desperate, self-employed people. Then, my MIL and my T had a falling out, and she changed Ts. I have met her new T, who is a total sycophant and tells my MIL exactly what she wants to hear, and the new T has been telling my MIL how awful my T is. So my MIL no longer wants to pay for me to see him.

I cannot tell you all how much I appreciate the support. I do know the situation is complicated for everyone and complicated by my MIL and my feelings about her and about things are going between the two of us. I am SO grateful to her because I was truly in deep emotional trouble before I started seeing my T. Without her support, both emotional and financial, I probably would not be here now. The withdrawing of emotional support has been kind of slow and gradual due to her involvement with a really horrible man after my FIL's death. Her telling me that she no longer wanted to pay for my T was sudden and out of the blue. I am grateful, truly and she totally has the right not to pay for anything she chooses not to. I just wish the whole thing had been a little ... I don't know. I hate surprises. I was surprised by the suddenness of her not wanting to pay. Surprised by the pain of getting smacked in the face with the realization that I REALLY AND TRULY am JUST a client to my T. I generally keep a better grip on my emotions and more awareness of the probability of losing things I care about or being hurt by people. Unexpected, surprising, unanticipated things just HURT so much more for me.

I'm sorry for saying this, because it's probably not supportive in the way you would like it to be. I don't really get the collective group sense that he somehow handled this badly, when it seems to me that he put the ball in your court to figure how your responsibility for payment and he responded honestly to you.

It doesn't make sense to me that he *should* have offered, and apparently without your even asking, a lower rate that is the same as the rate he's agreed to accept when people have a particular insurance. It seems straightforward to me when explaining fees: "I charge X, except if you have Y insurance, then I charge __." If you don't have Y insurance, you pay X.

I also don't get why he should have said something other than the truth about earning less money for doing the same job. He didn't say it sucked, you did. Should he have lied and said, "no, really, I enjoy doing the same job and earning half pay?"

Your interpretations that this is about you are causing you pain, not your T's behavior. It might be easier to blame him for not saying or doing what you would have scripted for him, but that's not exactly a real relationship. Whatever he said or did, he was at least being authentic.

Sorry, again, for not being supportive.

I agree with LMTL. This is all about your interpretation, not your T's actions.

LMTS and HG, I get that. I really do. That was why I said up front I know that I'm being whiny and unreasonable. This whole thing is about me having unreasonable expectations for the relationship and how he feels about me, etc. I really do know that. I set myself up for this by losing track of what the relationship is and what it isn't.

Thank you also for waiting until today to say that. I can usually handle total truth and honesty, but last night was not one of those times.

The important thing here is that your pain is REAL, it is NOT whiny, and you should not beat yourself up for having feelings.

I hope you're able to discuss this with your T. I think it would be incredibly healing and helpful to let him know where you're at with this. You shouldn't have to suffer without help from your T, no matter what the problem is.