[sweepy62]

I been in therapy with the new t for 3 months now, she is very open genuine and warm, she talks about our relationship alot, and how she wants it to be, and checks on our relationship quite often, about being open and honest, she says how attuned she is to me, she wants me to be very present with my feelings as she is with hers.

How do I know whether she is wanting transference to occur or whether its ocurring already, not in a maternal way or erotic way, just plain transference, can anyone help me with this please.

[unaluna]

What do you mean, encouraging transference? That is just misreading a situation, like putting more into it than is really there.

Do you mean she is trying to get you to lower your resistance to her, or disengage your defenses? That is not a bad thing. In therapy its just a time and money waster. Also in comedy! If you can say, "yes and..." to her suggestions you will get farther, faster than if you say no, its not that.

You can still refine your answer AFTER you say yes. I think the point is just to accept it, open your mind to it. If you say no, your brain gets the message that it doesnt have to listen, nothing is changing.

[Lauliza]

I see this as encouraging a genuine connection/relationship, not so much transference. She seems like she is trying to help you trust her and feel more comfortable sharing with her. Some therapists might do this by being a little more open with their own feelings. Transference can happen at any time but I think it is more likely when the t is less open. Then the client can transfer feelings for other people IRL, positive or negative, onto the T.

I don't know. My T is very likable. Is he just reeling me in only to lower the boom on me later? Hope not.

[sweepy62]

Originally Posted by Lauliza

I see this as encouraging a genuine connection/relationship, not so much transference. She seems like she is trying to help you trust her and feel more comfortable sharing with her. Some therapists might do this by being a little more open with their own feelings. Transference can happen at any time but I think it is more likely when the t is less open. Then the client can transfer feelings for other people IRL, positive or negative, onto the T.

thanks leah, i get confused these days lol, hope you are doing ok, i am playing alot of lotto, if i hit, i will pay for a year of your therapy promise.

[sweepy62]

Originally Posted by hankster

What do you mean, encouraging transference? That is just misreading a situation, like putting more into it than is really there.

Do you mean she is trying to get you to lower your resistance to her, or disengage your defenses? That is not a bad thing. In therapy its just a time and money waster. Also in comedy! If you can say, "yes and..." to her suggestions you will get farther, faster than if you say no, its not that.

You can still refine your answer AFTER you say yes. I think the point is just to accept it, open your mind to it. If you say no, your brain gets the message that it doesnt have to listen, nothing is changing.

thanks hankster for your deep advise, lol im gonna have to analize this now, sometimes you are like a fortune cookie, but i luv ya lol

Hey Sweepy,

I think the therapeutic setting and relationship, as well as our own issues, 'encourages' transference. I can really relate!

If she uses transference as a tool, then the way everything is unfolding in your therapy sounds like a good thing. Your relationship with her sounds positive, and transference is probably naturally occurring.

Here's some stuff for you:

Factors that increase transference

Three things can promote transference: the situation of being in need and dependent on the doctor or team; the setting of a relationship where dependency needs are recognised and met; and particular types of personality where the internal world is compellingly projected on to the present (see Box 4⇓).

Box 4.Factors that increase transference

Vulnerable personality, especially people with borderline features, who may rigidly project their expectations on to the present

The patient's anxiety about his or her physical or psychological safety (e.g. when sick and afraid)

Frequent contact with a service or with a keyworker

Situation

Situations in which a person is relatively helpless or afraid will increase his or her need of a protective relationship. Since this applies to most patients in the care of a psychiatric team, we should expect there to be a transference element to most treatments. However, the term ‘protective’ does not do justice to the complexity of such a relationship. A person may long for intimacy but also fear it, be intensely dependent but hate his or her dependency, become deeply attached but unable to trust the object of his or her attachment.

Setting

Any therapeutic setting where a person is seen frequently (and sometimes even infrequently) and his or her emotional needs attended to promotes transference. The patient may develop a transference relationship with a person, with a team or even with an institution. Frequent changes of keyworker are unlikely to avoid the development of transference feelings, but may displace them to the institution, which may be experienced as an unpredictable and frustrating other. A relationship where the patient feels recognised and understood improves cooperation; repeated changes of therapist are likely to impair it.

Personality

A person who has little capacity to reflect on his or her own state of mind, feelings and needs is vulnerable to acting upon feelings rather than reflecting or discussing what he or she wants.
If the patient has a vulnerable personality, is ill and afraid, and has the attention of a keyworker or team, he or she is therefore especially likely to develop transference feelings towards one or more people.

Transference and countertransference in communication between doctor and patient

This is a good one too:

Psychoanalysis was specifically designed to encourage transference. Intentional opacity and non-disclosure by the therapist promotes transference; the patient naturally makes assumptions about the therapist’s likes and dislikes, attitude toward the patient, life outside the office, and so forth. These assumptions are based on the patient’s experiences with, and assumptions regarding, other important relationships, such as childhood relations with parents. In this way the patient’s formative dynamics are re-created in the therapy office for both participants to observe. Patients discover that some of their assumptions about others, and themselves, are unfounded or outmoded and do not serve them well. This is an important type of insight that can lead to lasting psychological change.

Countertransference, an overview | Reidbord's Reflections

[RTerroni]

I have thought about discussing transference with my current Therapist but haven't as of yet. I might wait until I have a session with not much to discuss to bring it up.

[Restin]

I've been involved in therapy a long time and I believe your T definitely talks like someone encouraging transference, which is a good thing. You know you're in transference when you have strong feelings for her in response. You will know, there's no doubt about it.

[JustShakey]

I'm with Restin on this. You will know. In fact, I literally laughed out loud when I saw your post (in a good way!). I'm so deep in transference I just don't even... ;-)

[sunrise]

Originally Posted by sweepy62

How do I know whether she is wanting transference to occur or whether its ocurring already, not in a maternal way or erotic way, just plain transference

I'm not sure how to know. Perhaps just ask her? I am curious about what "just plain transference" is.

[Depletion]

If your therapist is traditionally psychoanalytic then part of the point of the relationship would be to create transference. In psychoanalysis the patient transfers their feelings from past relationships onto the therapist. The therapist uses their experience of this transference to decide how to best help the patient. Transference can also help a patient get the love and nurturing that they didn't get when they were young.

Transference can also simply mean the flow of emotions in the relationship. Is the patient forming an attachment to the T, or are they resisting. A supervisor might simply ask the other T How's the transference, and the T might just say good. Meaning that the relationship is going well.

But not all therapists are terribly educated about transference, and a lot of them don't see it as a central aspect of therapy. It might just be something that happens, but isn't that important. So I doubt that your T is encouraging any particular kind of transference unless she sees it as a major component of the therapy. But the best way to find out would be to ask.

[Lauliza]

I think the term transference is used pretty loosely in general. We tend to use it interchangeably with attachment, which I don't see as the same thing and I don't think it really matters. Is that what you mean when you say "general transference"? I don't see transference in the true analytic sense as what your T is promoting here. I think she is focusing on the relationship though and spending significant time trying to build one. In clients with Aspergers (and forgive me if I'm wrong but I thought this was suspected or part if your dx), this is important but can take much longer than with the average client. In some it may never happen at a deep level.

Many Ts (like CBT or DBT) don't give much thought to "transference" but do understand the importance building a relationship. So I think it is always a good thing to at least make an earnest attempt. It's the only way to build trust, and I don't see how you could progress at all without that trust.

[sweepy62]

Originally Posted by Lauliza

I think the term transference is used pretty loosely in general. We tend to use it interchangeably with attachment, which I don't see as the same thing and I don't think it really matters. Is that what you mean when you say "general transference"? I don't see transference in the true analytic sense as what your T is promoting here. I think she is focusing on the relationship though and spending significant time trying to build one. In clients with Aspergers (and forgive me if I'm wrong but I thought this was suspected or part if your dx), this is important but can take much longer than with the average client. In some it may never happen at a deep level.

Many Ts (like CBT or DBT) don't give much thought to "transference" but do understand the importance building a relationship. So I think it is always a good thing to at least make an earnest attempt. It's the only way to build trust, and I don't see how you could progress at all without that trust.

yes you are correct, about the asperbers thing, also, she is very into the relationship thing, and about how important it is for us, and how there never should be an elephant in our therapy room, and she talks about nurture and acceptance and love, its very soothing, i guess its just something new, that the past 2 therapists have never used or shown, thats why I was asking, its so deep, that it feels so good and caring, that it scares me.

[HazelGirl]

I think you're mixing up transference and attachment.

Transference is taking past feelings from others and putting them on your T. For example, I get these times where I am terrified of my T, even though she has done nothing to make me scared. Why? Because I am afraid of what she might do because in the past, others have done certain things to me to make me afraid.

Attachment is a connection with your T. It could be fear-based (preoccupied), distant (avoidant), or a mixture (disorganized). Or it could be secure and trusting. This is based on how you learned to relate to others generally.

There's a connection between transference and attachment in that the same situations that brought about the emotions you're transferring onto your T are the same ones (most likely) that formed your attachment style. So there will be overlap. But they are two different things.

[Gavinandnikki]

When they are silent.