Trusting Your T

Hi, I screwed up yesterday. I was being paranoid about something and said something to my T accusing her of not doing something she said she did. My T said what you are saying, you don't trust me. I been seeing my T for 4 years. The fact is, I do trust her. I don't know why I said what I did. My T said it's OK if u don't trust me, but we will need to work on it.

I wish I can prove somehow that I do trust her. I told her this. I told her what I said was all me and doesn't have anything with her and trust.

I feel I screwed up our relationship. Do you have any suggestions what I can do to mend this? I did say something to her but feel she doesn't believe me. I even said, we can do that thing where one person stands in front of another person and the person falls backwards and the other person catches them.

Need some suggestions on mending this. Please. Thanks!

I don't know exactly how that conversation went, but I don't necessarily think you need to do something to mend the relationship. It takes time and your T may have just noticed an area where you are weak. That's okay. You don't need to "fix" anything or make it up to her. Trust her when she says it's okay.

I can empathize, hence the username. What I have learned so far is that there is no black and white answer to this. I trust my T as much as I can, but its not normal to put 100% faith in anyone.

We discussed this. Its mind bending and annoying, because he agrees with me on this, but the "trust" issue keeps coming up. I often will get annoyed at him for small things. I tell him so. and he asks if I trust him. Im like, this again?

I trust him with my head, not with my heart. I know he is totally trustworthy, yet my behaviors don't comply. I can't seem to help it.

Imo, a t has to do something that makes him vulnerable to us to make me trust him, not just something annoying like cancelling an appointment. Maybe ive seen too many godfather movies, but as long as they hold all the cards, how can there be trust?

I don't think you have to apologize as much as just talk about it in your next session. The fact that you show up to your next appointment does show a high level of trust.

I've had times where I said or did something that showed I didn't fully trust my T and when she was surprised, I felt a backlash of guilt. My T hasn't done anything to make me not trust her, and it almost feels like I'm not giving her enough credit or I'm being ungrateful. It has even made me worried that she would start to think that there is something wrong with "us" and that I just can't work with her for some reason. It feels like I betray my T when I do this. So I know how you feel! Like you said, it doesn't exactly mean that you don't trust your T, even if you have your moments. You will both work through it and things will go back to normal.

I don't think it is a big deal to the therapist. People don't move in clear straight lines.

I don't see any way in which you have screwed up. Your T is right: if you don't trust her that's okay, but it's something to work on - not because you've done something "wrong" but because it matters, for you, to be able to trust her, and she wants to work on it for you.

I don't think you need to take so much responsibility for your T's feelings. You can cope with you not trusting her; she's just concerned about doing right by you and helping build that trust. It's really okay that you said whatever you said.