A Better Ending and More Understanding

Here you are:

Here is my draft reply:

I'm a little confused by this line : "I am not closed to us meeting again at some point but as I work within the relationship, your gaining more understanding of what happens for you in relationship would be helpful in achieving your goals. If you are interested in doing this, I suggest this happen before we meet again. "

It would leave me confused as to what I would need to do next to see her again?

The important thing is that you get what she means!

Is she saying that she thinks you focusing on how your relationship with her affects you would be necessary? Instead of...... (?) I'm not sure what it was like before....

Sounds like she wants you to receive more therapy with someone else and gain more understanding of how your relationship interactions in general, and with woman in authority specifically, work and may need altering before she will see you individually again. Your reply sounds a bit like you are ignoring that request.

Am I understanding this right? So she says basically she's open to seeing you again IF you work with another T first and demonstrate you understand something about how you act in relationships. She suggests a T for this and/or a group. But... you are going to write her back and essentially say, I totally reject your idea of gaining this understanding first however I am going to ignore that you said that and I will be scheduling an appointment with you regardless.?! I don't expect you will like her reply, if I am correct about this exchange. She seems to imply you have a problem with powerful women. I'm a powerful woman, and if this exchange happened for me I would not want to bother seeing you, not out of anger but because it would seem like you are impossible to reach with this position of thinking you know more or have a better understanding than your T from the outset. If her suggestions are wrong, and you know more than her to begin with, how can she possibly help you?

I think i finally get it. When she withheld regarding cancellation payment, my reaction was, "thats something i can have, but not YOU." Which aside from me being a lousy sharer, may have been her own countertransferential feeling at the time. Even if you DO inspire that in her, youre right, thats HER being a bad t for you.

My t is totally the path of yes. I supply my own no's, as i suspect you do also. Maybe Mr T was too laissez-faire. I dont think there is a last word or better understanding to be had with our Madame or Monsieur Ts, except to stand with stopdog. Caveat Emptor. Maybe ask Venerable T for some referrals to the path of yes and figure out what you have left to do?

The path of "yes" doesn't help you understand your own behavior in relationships with authority figures, in particular with powerful women. It doesn't teach you how to effectively work with or relate to them in healthier ways. If your goal is to get what you want from a powerful woman, and you actually find one who will accommodate your need to control the relationship -- which is unlikely, considering the fact that powerful authority figures generally dislike being controlled -- but if you do find that one person, how will that help you work with or relate to the next powerful woman you need to deal with?

"I am not closed to us meeting again" is very Stopdog, don't you think?

I don't understand this either. But I do have a much better understanding of what I want, so that's progress.

We can talk about that when I see her.
I am not bound by her agenda.

Hi PreacherHeckler!!

Exactly. A client is not bound by a therapist's agenda nor whatever the the therapist wants the client to be like.

Hi Hankster!

Just understand that she may refuse to see you if you choose to ignore her suggestion. That is also her prerogative.

But if the client wants to have healthier and more satisfying relationships, and the therapist's "agenda" is to ask the client to look at his/her own behavioral contribution to relationships (since the only person the client can actually change is him/herself) how is it helpful to ignore or resist the therapist's request?

OK. Second draft:

I'm new to all of this, but I think that's much better. You said what you wanted to say, but at the same time you brought up the issue she finds important. This way, she won't think you're ignoring what she said.

These "termination sessions" intrigue me. What exactly happens during a termination session? You know you're ending your t/patient relationship (I assume), but is this something they will actually have sessions with you to help prepare you for termination? How??

It's a way of saying good bye properly.

LOL, OK of course no adult is bound by anyone else's agenda unless they are in jail or a slave I suppose. That being said in another sense you actually are bound by everyone's agenda because people only do things on their terms. You don't have to do the group or whatever she suggests, but she could refuse to see you as a result. I can understand your T's frustration. Why is she supposed to be bound to your agenda then?

He who pays the piper calls the tune!
I doubt she will refuse to see me.

Does he now?

I just fired a client yesterday for being a pain in me arse. I'm not a therapist even so this was based on less than 30 minutes of interaction... but I cant be bought .

CE
I hope you do get to have a better ending and more understand with Madame T. Keep us posted.

This guy uses the phrase "pay the piper"
http://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/...your-therapist

I think it important to remember clients hire therapists - not the other way around - a therapist is not doing the client a favor by allowing themselves to be hired.
No therapist need work for someone they choose not to work for - but they most assuredly do work for the client and not the other way around.

I can't imagine you dancing to T's tune!

I gave Madame T a great deal of feedback (or perhaps more accurately pushback ). But I could rarely persuade her to change her style.

I have not tried to persuade a therapist to change styles much. I have gotten one to mostly stop talking and another to explain things to me - so it works well enough for me. I did want the first to explain and although she said she would, she also would refuse or deny that she could when I would ask. Thus I simply found others who could and would. I would probably figure out a way to make the therapist work out (eg - not talking) or find new ones rather than try to get them to change styles in a significant way. I did tell the first one that I have found a therapist who will and that I do see that therapist too - so if she sought to thwart me - she failed.