No t this week, and all hell is breaking loose omg!!!Possible Trigger!

Hi, well its come to this, my h mother, who is in home hospice, is now close to her final days. They have given her 3 to 5 days at the most, she is shutting down. Even though my experience with this woman, has not been good. its still very hard to see a person deteriorate right before your eyes, and whats affecting me, is everyone elses emotions.

My h and his brothers do not do feelings and emotions very well, needless to say, I shut down as well. so it finally hit h. I called hospice social worker/therapist, she has been great. She comes by 3 times a week to talk to me, checks on my anxiety and coping skills and calls me everyday, go figure, I have a t, and a hospice t. (lol) she is now dealing with h and his feelings as well as mine.

This situation is very triggering for me, as it reminds me of my uncle. I dont have therapy this week as its staff day on wednesday and t has no openings, t does not know the latest with my mother in law.

I am greatful for the hospice social worker , but I really would prefer to talk to my t. Having someone die before you, who at all costs is fighting it, is very hard. The thing is I dont feel sad or anything, I feel sad for my h. Like I said my emotions are for the people feeling the emotions, is that wierd.

I'm sorry that you have to go through all of this...

I don't think however, that it is so uncommon to feel emotions for other people instead of for yourself. At least I do the same, I'm sad when others are sad but I am never sad for myself so I hate when my T looks sad when I say something because it indirectly makes me sad for myself, right? So my T learned to not look very sad as it irritates me

I think you just have a lot of empathy and you think about others more than about yourself, it is a very good and nice skill but unfortunately not necessarily the best for yourself...

Hi sweepy62. It's nice to meet you. I'm sorry about the situation you are in.
I really hope you can find some peace. Check out Grief and Loss - Forums at Psych Central. I will send you hugs.

Piraeus

Thinking of you Sweepy. This is such a difficult situation. take good care of yourself. Sending you hugs and warmest wishes.

Your MIL has been a total b**ch to you. I wouldn't feel sad about her death, either. But I would feel sad about other people feeling sad. It's okay to feel relief and a sense that it's almost over. You're not bad or wrong for feeling that. You're very caring towards others, and maybe it wouldn't be a good idea to tell your H how relieved you are (if you're feeling that way...I would feel relieved), but don't feel bad for your feelings. Your T will understand what you're going through, and all you have to do is get through this week and see her next week.

Hi, Sweepy. I'm glad you have a hospice t, at least, until you can see you regular one. Watching life slip a way, triggers many fears and well as regret and remorse. It's good you can be there for your husband. I can understand your feeling of relief and that hopefully this will uncomplicate your life. No need to feel guilty, it's all human nature. Take care of yourself during this time.

It is hard in many different ways. Sometimes death is a relief. I don't believe one must feel sad or anything else. Sorry it is going on for you.

I know, i dont feel guilty, I can say on here, that I feel relieved about it. I have suffered tons, I feel empathy for those who will suffer her death. Even my h says she is so stubborn, the week before she told hospice, she wanted to outlive her sons, and she will fight death, as it is now, this is what she is doing, and its totally so unfair to her sons. its such a guilt trip. I think I should let my neediness pride down and call my t and tell her how I feel. H has been helping me out alot, he has been stepping up to the plate, it took this for him to realize how they both took advantage of me.
I dont feel anything towards this woman, but the moans and groans affect me. Its like I am angry. At one point I felt like it was not ok for me to paint because i felt it was not appropriate, but its what I enjoy doing.
Last thursday, I injured myself for picking her up to put a bedpan underneath her i think i have sciatica now because i am in such pain my back radiating down to the knee, my knee is numb, cant even go to doctor, until she is gone.

thanks stopdog, in this case it is a great relief for me, I cant speak for others, my problem is i feel i have to pretend to be sad like the rest of them, when i dont have an inch of empathy for this person.

This was the one thing I was waiting and hoping to hear.

I don't really comment on your posts about this, but i've been keeping up with it all and I am really sorry to hear what you are going through. I think it would be worth giving up your "neediness pride" to let T be there for you. You deserve to be emotionally "held" as well. You and your family are in my thoughts and prayers during this tough time.

Teal: thank you so much it really means alot, and I have decided to call t.

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(((Sweepy))) i hope you can get away to the dr for your sciatica. Maybe mention it to hospice t? Maybe she can recommend somebody or something. Thinking of you.

Why can't you go to a doctor? If you don't go now, you may have permanent nerve damage.

I was planning to go the immediate care center here, where its like a hospital, they can do xrays if they have to, my knee is in more than my back, my knee is numb, I know I would be there more than 3 hrs, hospice only provides up to 3 hrs

My brother in law is coming this thursday. but h does not want to leave the house, he is afraid she might die and he wont be here, I dont want to be responsible for that one.

Sweepy I am so sorry you are having to experience this. I dread the day I watch grandma die. I pray that peace comes to your husbands family and yourself soon.

Sweepy I don't think you necessarily need to feel sad about someone's passing. I sat with my uncle and held his hand when he passed... I mostly felt empathy for my father because it was his last living sibling and he was so upset...

I think depending on the circumstances (mostly long illnesses)... Lots of people feel relief... For the one to die to be out of pain and really for the process or vigil to be over...

For me it is usually after a funeral that I start to grieve....not before...I've always been one of those people who hold it together in crisis then fall apart when it's all over

My thoughts and prayers are with you and your family

Ready: yes I agree, I'm always strong for others, I have experienced this with my uncle 4 yrs ago. My h has not been through this where he has has to watch his mom deteriorate so rapidly, and he and his brothers are distraught .

It's hard to watch. We hope she makes it through Thursday , that's when her son is coming. I'm not really emotionally vested as far as she is concerned, but seeing everyone going through pain affects me.

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Melissa: thank you, I appreciate your concern, I have to help h process this stuff. H is very upset, he does not do well with emotions.

I called t today, I let my pride go. I needed to talk a bit being that I don't see her this week.

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You do not have to pretend to feel sad or anything. I hope your T teaches you how to separate your emotions from those of others'. Just because the family is falling apart, you do not have to fall apart. You can just move quietly and do what you can. I hope the end won't be too hard.

sweepy, it's okay to take care of yourself too during this time. you've been wonderful to your MIL and i bet even she knows it.