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  #1  
Old Jul 20, 2014, 05:45 PM
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NowhereUSA NowhereUSA is offline
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i've seen my t for a while now (over five years) and he's always been very professional.

anyway, this last session, i was very suicidal. i was ready to follow through. he knows how i feel about the hospital and i was upfront that i had a back up plan in case i ended up there. i was just a mess.

he crossed a touch boundary (i don't want to give details because i'm skittish as it is). it wasn't a sexual thing but there was a lack of communication and i think he made a call to try to keep me safe without hospitalizing me. his gamble did pay off as i am better and i have gotten rid of my stash of pills (it was a very nice stash). however, it left me uncomfortable.

have you had a t accidentally cross a boundary?

i plan on discussing it with him. i did send a very insecure frantic email the other day because i just don't know what to do with all of it. i basically told him i want him to read me the rules... because... i'm weird? i'm kind of a freak about rules. i don't like to break them. being rebellious is not in my nature. and yet i'm also not a people pleaser. i just do what i want... within the rules.

i sound like such a freak.
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  #2  
Old Jul 20, 2014, 05:52 PM
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junkDNA junkDNA is offline
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one time when within the first year i started working with my T i was standing in his doorway talking to another staff person and T came up behind me and hugged me around my neck from behind. even the staff person i was talking to was a little shocked. i think she said "woah". i moved away and felt a little uncomfortable. after a while and when i think back on it now it was kind of inappropriate as i have issues of sexual abuse with a former T. i was surprised too because he came from behind and i wasnt expecting any of that from him. i never talked to him about it but it doesnt really bother me much now. i think T was just excited and forgot his boundaries and mine for a moment. Ts make mistakes. he has never done anything like that again and im pretty sure if he did i would say something now. i had a hard time verbalizing my emotions in the beginning so i never said anything. i know 100% in my head and in my heart that T would Never cross a sexual boundary with me. we hug sometimes but now its always asked for or offered.
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  #3  
Old Jul 20, 2014, 05:54 PM
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No. I keep them back.
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  #4  
Old Jul 20, 2014, 05:56 PM
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NowhereUSA NowhereUSA is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by stopdog View Post
No. I keep them back.
i think i'm more touchy feely than you sd lol. i am a hugger. i'll admit it!
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“It's a funny thing... but people mostly have it backward. They think they live by what they want. But really, what guides them is what they're afraid of.” ― Khaled Hosseini, And the Mountains Echoed
  #5  
Old Jul 20, 2014, 05:57 PM
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NowhereUSA NowhereUSA is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by junkDNA View Post
one time when within the first year i started working with my T i was standing in his doorway talking to another staff person and T came up behind me and hugged me around my neck from behind. even the staff person i was talking to was a little shocked. i think she said "woah". i moved away and felt a little uncomfortable. after a while and when i think back on it now it was kind of inappropriate as i have issues of sexual abuse with a former T. i was surprised too because he came from behind and i wasnt expecting any of that from him. i never talked to him about it but it doesnt really bother me much now. i think T was just excited and forgot his boundaries and mine for a moment. Ts make mistakes. he has never done anything like that again and im pretty sure if he did i would say something now. i had a hard time verbalizing my emotions in the beginning so i never said anything. i know 100% in my head and in my heart that T would Never cross a sexual boundary with me. we hug sometimes but now its always asked for or offered.
yeah. touch hasn't been a part of our therapy. he's touched my back or my arm on occasion, but this shocked the crap out of me. which i think was half the point. maybe. i'll ask him about it when i see him next. but i think he'll be receptive to me when i explain the deal.
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“It's a funny thing... but people mostly have it backward. They think they live by what they want. But really, what guides them is what they're afraid of.” ― Khaled Hosseini, And the Mountains Echoed
  #6  
Old Jul 20, 2014, 06:06 PM
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precaryous precaryous is offline
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Last week T offered me candy at the start of the hour.
I laughed and said,
"Are you serious? Bariatric. Weight. Loss. Patient!"

Ha. It wasn't a test, either. She forgot and was just being polite.
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  #7  
Old Jul 20, 2014, 06:09 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by precaryous View Post
Last week T offered me candy at the start of the hour.
I laughed and said,
"Are you serious? Bariatric. Weight. Loss. Patient!"

Ha. It wasn't a test, either. She forgot and was just being polite.
lol, i've given my t heck for things before. poor ts being human
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“It's a funny thing... but people mostly have it backward. They think they live by what they want. But really, what guides them is what they're afraid of.” ― Khaled Hosseini, And the Mountains Echoed
  #8  
Old Jul 20, 2014, 06:20 PM
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precaryous precaryous is offline
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I'm just glad she didn't have a plate full of lasagna.
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junkDNA, kororain, NowhereUSA
  #9  
Old Jul 20, 2014, 07:20 PM
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NowhereUSA NowhereUSA is offline
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it's been a tough week for me mentally. he caught me off guard and i haven't been able to talk to him about it. i hate chatting on the phone, i'm sure i could have called and left a message but i prefer face to face contact.
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“It's a funny thing... but people mostly have it backward. They think they live by what they want. But really, what guides them is what they're afraid of.” ― Khaled Hosseini, And the Mountains Echoed
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  #10  
Old Jul 20, 2014, 07:24 PM
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growlycat growlycat is offline
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Main T hugged me early on in a moment of exasperation for both of us. I was a bit freaked at the time but it ended up being an extremely healing experience. He did apologize saying he should have asked first. Since then, we always talk about it first and I usually have to ask.
  #11  
Old Jul 20, 2014, 07:25 PM
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NowhereUSA NowhereUSA is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by growlycat View Post
Main T hugged me early on in a moment of exasperation for both of us. I was a bit freaked at the time but it ended up being an extremely healing experience. He did apologize saying he should have asked first. Since then, we always talk about it first and I usually have to ask.
oh i'm so glad i'm not the only one who freaked out lol. i sent this really long rambly email to my t just going all over the place about it and basically just emotionally vomited.

i try to remember he is a t and that t's are 'used to' this sort of thing. even if they are the trigger :P
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“It's a funny thing... but people mostly have it backward. They think they live by what they want. But really, what guides them is what they're afraid of.” ― Khaled Hosseini, And the Mountains Echoed
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  #12  
Old Jul 20, 2014, 08:07 PM
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ScarletPimpernel ScarletPimpernel is offline
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My T and I have an agreement to simply say the word boundary if either one of us feels the other is getting to close to a boundary. Then we will talk it out and explain ourselves. Makes it real easy.
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  #13  
Old Jul 20, 2014, 08:11 PM
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NowhereUSA NowhereUSA is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by ScarletPimpernel View Post
My T and I have an agreement to simply say the word boundary if either one of us feels the other is getting to close to a boundary. Then we will talk it out and explain ourselves. Makes it real easy.
oh that's a nice idea!
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“It's a funny thing... but people mostly have it backward. They think they live by what they want. But really, what guides them is what they're afraid of.” ― Khaled Hosseini, And the Mountains Echoed
  #14  
Old Jul 20, 2014, 09:15 PM
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kororain kororain is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by precaryous View Post
Last week T offered me candy at the start of the hour.
I laughed and said,
"Are you serious? Bariatric. Weight. Loss. Patient!"

Ha. It wasn't a test, either. She forgot and was just being polite.
Oh my husband has tried to shove a spoonful of clam chowder in my mouth and I have a life threatening shellfish allergy! People are human. They forget. Now he teasingly asks if I want a bite of his chowder every time.
  #15  
Old Jul 20, 2014, 09:50 PM
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ScarletPimpernel ScarletPimpernel is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by kororain View Post
...I have a life threatening shellfish allergy!...
My mom has the same allergy. The whole family jokes around that her last meal should be a nice seafood dinner, or that we can easily collect on her life insurance policy. But when we go out to eat... none of us order fish (nor Cesar dressing because of the anchovies) and we always double check that seafood isn't in the meal or prepared near other meals. At least she knows we truly love her
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  #16  
Old Jul 20, 2014, 10:49 PM
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NowhereUSA NowhereUSA is offline
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Originally Posted by kororain View Post
Oh my husband has tried to shove a spoonful of clam chowder in my mouth and I have a life threatening shellfish allergy! People are human. They forget. Now he teasingly asks if I want a bite of his chowder every time.
people are human?! i thought we were all programmable robots

i feel better after posting this. i've been so anxious about dealing with my t and now i'm like - dude, he's human, he makes the wrong call sometimes.
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“It's a funny thing... but people mostly have it backward. They think they live by what they want. But really, what guides them is what they're afraid of.” ― Khaled Hosseini, And the Mountains Echoed
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