Couch 78: Put your feet up and stay a while

5 more days til I move to another province for university. I've been waiting for this my whole life and have been so excited but now that it's almost here, I'm scared shitless. I can't properly express my feelings or thoughts. Everything is all mumble jumble. I try not to think about it and have been putting things off but it's time things start catching up with me. I dunno but I've lost my vision. I can't look forward to anything anymore. There is no excitement and hope. For example, I don't think I'm ready to meet anyone I like- friends or relationship wise despite previously craving it. ugh I don't know anymore.

my t suggested i check out the openware courses on mit's website. my children were screaming in the background though so as i was looking at them, they blurred together. i want to do some of their math ones, calculus specifically. i miss math.

anyone ever use their openware stuff to just keep themselves occupied until they can get back to school?

Nowhere, I hadn't heard of it before but I just looked it up on the MIT website and I'm intrigued. It sounds like something that would be beneficial for me.

One of my fav Peter Gabriel tracks Party Man


My Head Sounds Like That PG again

yes. i decided to try their calculus for beginners as it's been a decade since my last calc class. i figure from there i could try their calculus classes and then one day when i get to go back to school, i'll be ahead of the game. kind of. maybe.

I'm going to try a neuroscience class. The textbook was dirt cheap on Amazon.

hi all took off to the beach today with some friends ,used sun screen and still got burned. I know my T is going to comment because I went to the beach last sunday and got burned so now I am even more burned. oh well I had a good time

There is always coursera.com. My T uses it and recommended it

Omg.. I can't stop clenching my jaw! My jaw muscles, as well as neck muscles and back teeth hurt!! This not a new behavior, but something that had gone away.. Ugh, anybody have any suggestions ?

I'm starting to get nervous about the enormity of moving into a place that i am wholly responsible for. This is a huge step. I am starting to doubt I am ready. I have already exceeded my own expectations in finding an appropriate place and getting help from organisations. I was even able to communicate exactly what I needed without feeling too young and not worthy enough of help. I wouldn't have been able to this even 12 months ago, so I suppose I must be doing something right. Some words of encouragement wouldn't go astray here please.

BP - I think you can do it. Good luck

Question: do you think it's worth mentioning new anxieties to your psychologist even if it's not something that bothers you constantly? I'm not yet sure if what I experience is caused by my anxiety (if I had to guess I'd say it might be my OCD acting up) but I lost about three hours of sleep last night because of it. I worry that perhaps I'm making it up or exaggerating or something. I worry that the problem will disappear as soon as I've mentioned it and that I've therefore probably made it up.

I find the fear is worst a couple of days before I travel and after that I perk up.

You're scared now, but you won't be so scared once you arrive. Tired and uncomfortable no doubt, but not so scared.

Well done! And you're only going to get better.

If it's worth mentioning to US, it's worth mentioning to THEM.

Hello Couchies.....

I am back home after a couple of weeks travelling around Europe. Had a good time although it made me face some big relationship issues that I need to face up to in my marriage. Also made me realise I am not happy. I've missed the contact with you guys. I'm bakc at work today (to a job I really hate) and feeling really low. Really, really low. My son gets his gcse results on Thursday which will determine which college he goes to in September. He isn't bothered and has no drive or ambition. I am anxious for him. We had a big fall out yesterday. I wish things were different. I also have a younger som who is leaving prmary school/moving to secondary school. He has been unwell for the last 4 weeks and we need to go to the hospital. I am so stressed.

are you sure he wants to go to college?

it sounds like things are rough in general. i'm sorry

You are so right - he doesn't really want to go to college - but he has to do something - he can't leave school at 16 without some form of further education or training or apprenticeship (he has applied for three apps but not got any). I hate being a Mum atm.

Thanks so much for your support and reply.

you know, it's not a bad thing if he's 16, just to let him live at home and work full time, even if it's a minimum wage job. maybe use that time to help him learn to budget by seeing the household budget and maybe even contribute to it (like a little towards the mortgage/rent, groceries, etc).

i was pushed into college. while i knew what i wanted to do, i would have benefited by not only having gotten help for my depression, but just the time to figure out me and *life*.

i plan on offering this option to my children. i was just reading that in some european countries is much more normal to take time off before going into college.

My theme song for today

I didn't know she did that song! I am still partial to the original (eric carmen) but celine's version is beautiful. thanks for sharing that.

Here is what I have been watching:




She is very funny

I enjoy old radio shows & stuff like that. Tallulah Bankhead and "The Big Show" I have a bunch of CD's of it. Funny stuff!!

Speaking as someone with anxiety, I think it would be valuable to discuss:
1. the new anxiety
1.5 losing sleep over the anxiety
2. Worrying that you're making it up or exaggerating
3. worrrying that the problem will disappear as soon as you've mentioned it

Those are all valid anxiety issues that can be addressed.