How bad is it to ask for extra sessions?

I've only seen T ~5 times, and it's been every other week. I think I want to email him and see if he can fit me in this week too (my next session isn't until the week after).

It's not an emergency, although there's been a little bit of things falling apart (that he doesn't know, and I probably need to let him know soon before it gets worse). Really just some stuff from last session that didn't go well and I'm thinking through. I don't know, I feel like it would be helpful, but I'm not sure I can say why.

How does your T react when you ask for extra sessions? I can't imagine that if he has space, he'd tell me no... not when I'm only every other week? Not sure why it makes me nervous to even ask Ugh.

[Edit to add: I hope this doesn't offend anyone. I know there's always advice here to ask for extra sessions or call your T. But, I think that's usually when there's some sort of crisis... this doesn't really feel like a crisis... just that there's a lot to talk through. Hope that makes sense, and apologies in advance... ]

it's not bad at all. sometimes you need the extra support. my t is run through receptionists who handle all his scheduling so i just call up. mostly he's like 'what can i do for you?' but he's never commented on it. right now i see him weekly. when i'm doing better, i see him monthly and sometimes somewhere in between (like twice a month).

you do what you need to. give a call and see if you can get in

My therapist accomodates me whenever possible and as best I can tell, she thinks it's definitely positive and a sign of strength to ask for what I need from her. As far is it not being a crisis, she has specifically told me I don't have to justify wanting to contact her: I don't have to be suicidal or anything. If a session will help me feel better, it's reason enough. I must say too, once every other week isn't a whole lot, so.... I really don't see any issue whatsoever or any chance of it appearing problematic for you to ask for another session, not that I would anyway, but you're already at a really low frequency. Hope things get better soon.

My last therapist ended up never giving me extra sessions because she felt I was too dependent on her. Honestly, I think that she knew she was in over her head with my issues and didn't want to see more than absolutely necessary. My current therapist told me immediately that if I thought it would be helpful, she could work with my insurance company to get me two sessions a week. I attend two sessions most weeks and I have not been in crisis since starting 5 months ago. With my last therapist, I felt like I was always in crisis.

I think that my twice a week sessions are what keeps me out of crisis which keeps me and therapist happy. I say call your therapist and tell him what's going on with little things falling apart. He would probably rather see you more frequently than to have yu potentially end up in a true crisis mode.

I've learned this. The support you need does not say anything about you. Asking for the support you need shows that you are strong and that you care about yourself. Would you deny yourself going to the doctor if a lot of health issues came up? Probably not. Don't deny yourself the support you need.

I think it's a good thing actually, that you're asking for help when you need it. I see my T every two weeks (or more) and it's not enough at all for me, especially as I have such a problem with contacting him between sessions if I need to. I plan to ask to go to weekly sessions this week.

Thanks... the encouragement really really helps. I appreciate it... I'm going to send him an email... soon... (I have to jump off the computer for a couple things first, and don't want him to reply while I'm away). Thanks!

I don't think it's bad to ask for extra sessions if you need it. It's a sign that you know what you need and I think your T will appreciate that. Hope your extra session goes well!

I normally see my T once a week, but I called to squeeze in another appointment tomorrow. Like you, it's not an emergency, but I feel that it is probably better to check in with her sooner rather than later. In the past when I've done that (it has only happened a couple of times), she's always been really supportive. Hope it also goes well for you!

I think extra support is good if you need it. I'm glad you are able to ask, and I hope he can get you in.

I do not think it is a bad thing if you know it is what you need. You're the "customer," so to speak, so why bother stick around for an engagement that isn't meeting your needs? I would like more sessions, but my therapist has very limited availability. :/ He only meets clients once per week. I won't see him until a month from now, which sucks. I stick around because I feel comfortable with him.

i want to add, we do pay for our t's time. i know some of us bristle at the reminder that we're paying for a service, but i wouldn't hesitate to call my doctor if i thought i needed something. my oldest had a cough for two weeks. it turned out to be nothing, but i took him to the doctor because it wasn't going away and i just wanted to make sure. she was compensated for her time and i didn't think twice about it.

It never occured to me to ask if it was ok, I just called and scheduled what I wanted.

The one time I made a second appointment in the week, the therapist was seemingly quite pleased I had done so. I think she mistook it for meaning something it did not, but she said she was very glad I had done so.

my t USED to be willing to fit me in whenever I asked, but now she pretty much says no no no im full no im booked no im not working every single time i ask. so i dont anymore.

Thanks... I just sent the email. I pondered over it for probably a good 30 minutes. It does feel scary to me - I get that it's a "medical provider" and I'm paying, but yeah, I can totally see a T saying, "yeah, you need to go figure out stuff on your own..." or whatever. Anyway, we'll see... I'm assuming he won't be digging out an appointment book tonight, but at least it will be in his inbox for the morning.

I hope I can manage to talk through the stuff I need to... and that it's not any more awkward than usual

Thanks!

I think most T's are happy to accommodate. Some are very structured, but if they can tell that you need it, they'll work it out. Mine will work me in at any time I need her.

I'm glad that you asked and I hope that your T will find a spot for you this week.
I also thought that I could ask for an extra session only in emergencies and as there is never the emergency for me... But sometimes I was writing e-mails after sessions to get rid of some thoughts or if something was bothering me, and in one e-mail I wrote something that on one hand I thought that it would be great to have an additional session that week but... And I got pretty soon a response that actually there was a spot free and I could take it if I wanted... And for sure I was not in a crisis then and it worked pretty well and helped a lot, so now I think that you don't have to be in a crisis to ask for an additional session

Good luck

Thanks everyone. I actually got a response back last night (and am now on the schedule for Wednesday). I had already turned off my computer, so I'm just seeing it now...

So, that's good (though I'm a little nervous now too - but if I can get through some of the stuff I've been thinking, it will be helpful - we'll see!)

Oh, and T did reply with: "I am glad you are asking for help in taking care of yourself…"... maybe they teach this in T-school? It feels weird and artificial... but whatever, clearly it's ok.

Thanks for the encouragement... without it, I would tend to get stuck in "thinking about it", and the whole week would have gone by. Thanks!

It only feels weird because you might not be used to asking for what you need and having someone respond to your need. I used to feel weird about it too. But now I don't, mostly because I am convinced that she cares about me

I'm not sure... I mean, I don't mean the asking feels weird (ok, it did a little) - but more that the particular line he used to replay did ("I am glad you are asking for help in taking care of yourself…".) I don't know, I hate to say this... but it icks me out a little bit !

I'm glad you asked and that it worked out with a session this week is there a reason you are usually only seeing your T every other week?

i would be ick'd out to hear it as well!

Thanks Tigergirl... I thought it was weird that I was icked out, so glad to hear it's not just me!

re: every other week, yeah, there's a couple reasons...

1. He's a private T, not on my insurance, and is sort of crazy expensive. And, unfortunately, I'm not crazy rich to match that I actually have been playing with my budget, and think I may be able to handle every week by creatively moving some things around... but gosh it's so much money. *sigh*

2. I've had alot of rotten therapy experience in the past. Previous therapy made me feel much more crazy, and really left me in a bad place... it's taken awhile to be willing to try again (that and my crazy mom has just retired, and wants to spend ALOT more time with me - I feel like I need a pro to help me deal with that alone ). Anyway, my hope was that going every other week would help keep me from falling into a really depressed, miserable awful state. That it would be less trigger-y and crazy making. I do understand that therapy is supposed to be helpful and make you feel better... but it's hard to believe when that hasn't been my experience!

I guess the good part is that so far, I'm actually talking! I don't know that it's real therapy yet, it's alot of background info still... but he knows OODLES more about me than previous Ts. And, after the 3rd or so session, when I came in and explained that I had been stressed and miserable and not sleeping well for 2 weeks... he quickly figured out we were going to fast and has been slowing things down a bit, things were quite a bit more handle-able after that... which gives me a bit more confidence in him.

Anyway, sorry for blabbing so much - I guess my brain is just spinning. I'm already back to being nervous for this wednesday, and wondering if I did the right thing... I think so though, b/c I feel like I've still got alot of things I need to share, and at only 2x/month, I will never get him caught up to stuff in the present!

Really, I just want to skip to the good part - where we both understand each other and where therapy is all wonderful and helpful and fabulous! When do I get to that part?

um, um, um ... I want to be there as well

Right now, while you are just starting with this T really it seems like weekly would be better even with the huge expense (I can sure relate to that as well ) and then in time going back to every other week might be more manageable for you

Hmm I think I returned to therapy after a four years break just after my mother retired as well so having a T's support makes a lot of sense to me with that

Thanks! Yeah, you are probably right... it just feels like with every week, I'm going to spend *all* my time being freaked out about therapy stuff, rather than actually dealing with life stuff! But it may be that I'm going to spend all my time being freaked out by therapy stuff anyway, so might as well get through it quicker, I don't know !

Anyway, I have session tomorrow and then a session scheduled for wednesday after, so it looks like I'm pseudo-weekly for another week or so, then I can talk to him about being weekly. I'm sure he'd be fine with it... I just have to make peace with it. I would do it in a heartbeat, if I was sure therapy would help... but I'm not really 100% convinced yet!

And, that's funny that your mom's retirement "inspired" a return to therapy as well! I haven't told T yet, but between crazy mom and depressed dad... I'm ready to change my name and move to the other side of the country, and not leave a forwarding address ! Soooo ready - lol!

Thanks!

Maybe you can ask your T if he thinks it would be beneficial if you came in every week?

About the extra sessions: My T will call me on days she's working if I request it, and she once tried to fit me in that same day but couldn't.
I did twice a week for a few weeks a few years ago with another T. She was leaving very abruptly - a five week notice I think - and I saw her twice a week those five weeks so we had time to finish up what we were working on.

We once talked about doing trauma treatment twice a week, but that wasn't practical as she was only in that office on wednesday and thursday, but while still going to school etc. two days in a row was too much.

So now I come in once a week, and every couple of week I'll go inpatient for a week and I'll have three or four hours of trauma therapy every day. It's hell, but it works.

During regular sessions we don't do trauma work.