Do I need to go to hospital? - please help

Call your T today. If today is a vacation day for her, call her tomorrow. When are you due to see her next? You need to set up crisis management with her.

I'm glad that they treated you with respect but sorry they didn't do more for you. It seems in your earlier posts that you needed to be inpatient.

What does crisis management mean? I mean I guess it varies from person to person, but what sort of things could I ask to put in place? I have no idea what to suggest if I ask to set up a crisis management plan?

Then I'd lose my job, and really have nothing to live for, plus be a breath away from homelessness again, plus not be able to afford therapy. I can't afford to go inpatient. I would lose everything I have worked for.

Don't you think you need to make a plan with T about what to do when you feel suicidal or wanting to self harm? Ask her what you should do especially outside of therapy, after hours, and on the weekend. She may have a special phone number for you to call after hours.

Please call her and tell her how you have been feeling this weekend...and what you should do if you feel this way again.

When do you see her again?

She does know how I've been doing the last few weeks. I unravel after every session and the last two weekends has got unbearable. There's no special phone number to call her on. I think I am meant to just do what I did, ie go to the hospital if I think I can't handle it.

I see her Friday. Already want to be sick at the thought of after the session.

You are mind reading and assuming. You won't know if you are "meant to do what you did" unless you flat out ask her.
Good luck.

I am not assuming at all!

The last time we spoke about weekends, in general - the idea was clients can call her if it is an emergency. Not just small worries or thoughts. However, when I called this time, no response now for the whole two days off. So the conclusion I can draw from that is that I handle it myself.

Edit - to be clear; the boundaries seem to have changed again. That's what I mean.

I am sorry you are feeling this way...i can definitely relate. I usually email the Samaritans. They help me. I would personally never check myself into a mental health hospital. One, in the US, people make suicide attempts the night before and are released by morning without any kind of real resolution. If they did keep you, it will probably not be long enough to have any kind of real benefit. I get severe suicidal thoughts and at times i am not sure I will make it, but I try to remind myself that it is the disorder talking. The fact that you are thinking of going to the er tells me you still want to live which is good! Try writing down the thoughts that go through your head in this state of mind so you can discuss them in therapy.

You seem to be in such a bad place right now. There isn't a medication that will make it right and your T certainly is not able to help you adequately when you get to this bad place.

That really sucks and I feel so sorry for you that you seems to have no option except to suffer.

Prayer, meditation, you already exercise and eat right. You need a miracle -hope you find one. I am frequently in a bad place too- unfortunately I use alcohol and narcotics to temporarily lift my spirits. None of my docs are stupid enough to give me benzos- they know I'd just abuse them- just as you do.

Good luck in your search.

Perhaps it's the dark eyeglass that I'm viewing your post through - but the barbs about abusing benzos and 'needing a miracle' (ie I'm hopeless) are totally unnessecary. I dislike the disdain dripping from your remarks.

I don't think I abuse benzos and nor do all the doctors I have frank and full discussions with. They are quite happy to let me take them as I do, in a dose once a week or once a fortnight, during my unbearable periods. Bearing in mind I often go for three or four months without taking any at all. I have been doing this for about seven years without forming a daily habit. A few benzos here and there are better than constanct emotional distress. And no, I am aware they are unacceptable in the long term (and also a bit sh#t, quite bluntly) hence ripping up the script for more and wanting to get on to steadier medication.

And what exactly do you mean 'no medication can make it right' and 'I have no option but to suffer'? And that my therapist can't help me?

No, I think you're right IG. That post is very hopeless. I think you do have hope and an ability to get help. I think a good antidepressant, if you could find the right one, would do amazing things. And I think that therapy can and will help (and has helped) in the long run.

This is my fault, IG and I apologize. I was hurried making this reply and I was irritable about something that had nothing to do with you. I shouldn't post when I'm irritable and/or do not have the focus to explain what I mean.

I do wish the best for you and hope you find a plan that helps you.
Pre

Thank you, and no worries on the irritation front - I hope you are ok

No barbs, just my opinion. If you take a dose of a med that is not prescribed, it abuse IMO.

You only want to hear unilateral support.

Er -my meds were prescribed by my gp! Did you think I was buying them off a drug dealer?! Not the case.

You are ignoring the other negative comments you made that I pointed out. How convenient

And no I don't only want unilateral support - I just am not such a doormat as to leave judgmental 'advice' from you go unchecked.

Is your T helping you? Right now, that would be a no.

Is there a medication to make you stop loathing yourself- no again.

I'm not being "convenient" but YOUR posts in his particular thread sound like you have no hope for yourself and not one single thing that anyone suggests is helpful to you.

What do you feel would help? I will bother you no longer.

My T is off duty. I daresay she'll help at the next session.

I don't loathe myself. My suicidality stems from knowing if I was one of my animals in this much pain I'd have them put to sleep to end it. Out of mercy. I have bits of myself I tjink are awful and weak, and I have bits I love. I don't know whyyou are trying to convince me no meds will help? I am aiming at trying a mood stabilizer. In the pastan AD worked realky well - I had to come off it as it began interfering with other drugs I take to stay alive but it did work.

For good measure I repeat - the benzos were prescribed.

your T will know what needs to be set in place. you as the client don't need to have the answers. that is her job. stay safe IG.

I hope you can contact your T soon, IG.
I hate that kind of pain that makes you feel like you HAVE to act. I've described it to my T like being on fire. It feels impossible to "sit with".

IG. I hope you stay safe and get what you need from your T. As for the negative comments you got...all I can say is WOW! Where has the compassion gone?

Wow, some of these responses are completely uncalled for and insensitive.

IG, ignore them. You keep hanging in there. You've got lots of support here.

(((((IndestructibleGirl)))))

Let's get this thread back onto the topic please. We are talking with Indestructible Girl ~ offering our words of support and experience/s in a kind way, to help if we can. Please remember that... Thank you!

(((((( IG )))))))