Do I need to go to hospital? - please help

If she comes in on an ambulance, it will greatly speed up the process and she will be waiting in the back and not in the waiting room. At least, that's how it works most of the time.

Mixing the pills, a bottle of vodka, with a 10% will to live IS a critically ill patient.

Call an ambulance, spend the $50, do whatever is necessary to make sure you are safe. Your life is worth the hospital's time, the paramedic's time, your time, and it is certainly worth much more than $50.

The thing is, if this were my post or anyone else's post and we said we were chasing pills with vodka and didn't feel safe or really want to be alive, you would tell us to go to the hospital by any means necessary. I know you would, I've seen it. Be your own friend, give yourself the same compassion you give us, and go the extra mile to save yourself. You can do it.

Which hospital is that? Most London hospitals treat suicidal as a nuisance that I know off.

IG: Are you there? How are you doing?

Hopefully you've been asleep but if you can't cope with dailing 999 or getting yourself to a hospital at least ring the Samaritans. They can either chat to you or just sit on the end of the phone in silence. If you don't like the person you are connected to give it a few minutes and ring back as you will then get connected to someone else. If you can't afford the phone call ask them and they will ring you back I think. Please look after yourself, you do matter.

Sorry - I was too vague here, I did not want to take the pills and alcohol together so I didn't. I thought I'd made it clear enough when I said I was too much of a control freak to die like that.

I do think telling me to 'get a grip' was not very useful though. I genuinely don't care how scornfully you view me. However, someone else going through a suicidal crisis might find that harsh. The whole point of being seriously afraid you might harm yourself means there is a distinct lack of grips available to your inner resolve at that moment

In addition, while you are quite right and it is dangerous to mix benzos and alcohol, a lot depends on the tolerance of the person. I have drunk a bottle of wine on 10mg diaz and just felt incredibly mellow. Several times, I have had a large glass of wine with a 2mg diaz to ramp it up and make it more effective.

I did think about an ambulance but if I called one, they'd take me to the nearest hospital which I REALLY cannot go to right now because it will cause me MAJOR anxiety - it is where the UK has set up the ebola treatment unit and some poor guy arrived there from Sierra Leone yesterday

Mouse, I have heard that St Thomas' and King's are excellent. Both are linked to the Maudsley psychiatric hospital, they're all part of the same NHS trust.

I'm ok, thank you - my roommate came home at 2am, and I would never do anything with her here.

Doing better today because tomorrow the bank holiday weekend will be over and I'll be able to go back to work and throw myself into that but already dreading next weekend. I think I need a crisis team so I have someone to call when I sink, I can't keep doing this. This weekend has been the most frightening and exhausting close shave with just losing my **** and doing something impulsive.

Therapy definitely is not helping at the moment. Is it sometimes the case that it can be harmful if the client isn't stable enough?

I'm glad you are feeling a bit more safe at this point! Is there any way for you to reach out to your room mate?

For me, therapy has certainly brought me to a worse place than before I started. It's as if all the protective layers have been peeled away. But I know I have to wade through all this mud before I have a chance of getting better. That's what keeps me hanging on.

No, I would definitely not reach out to my roommate. She is a sweet girl, but very much a kid and I would not hit her with something like this. My long established friends are close by and I can't even bring myself to tell them. They'll just feel sorry for me, so I don't want them to know. They've been witness to all my bereavement, sickness, poverty, fighting with my real mother, etc of the last five years, when they have had a more conventional life of a successful person in their twenties with good jobs/ getting engaged/ travelling the world, so they just think I'm a tragic loser anyway. I can't give them any more crap to back that up.

I'm glad you made it through the long night. I think having a crisis team is a great idea.

((((IndestructibleGirl)))))

I'm so glad that you made it through the night and are doing better today.

You probably should have gone to the hospital but you were able to pull through. I am sure it was very difficult and painful. I also find the weekends the hardest. When I am at work or running my children to appointments, school etc I am able to focus on other things. The weekends though allow me too much time to think. Have you tried to work with you treatment team to figure out ways to make the weekends easier?? I am trying to figure that out (unsuccessfully right now)

Your chances of getting ebola are quite effectively zero. he's quarantined and it is only spread by bodily fluids of which you will not come into contact because, quarantine.

if that's the excuse, call an ambulance and just repeat the facts to yourself.

It's not an 'excuse'. I have health anxiety.

But I am in hospital waiting now anyway. The best hospital for mental health in London, not just a random one picked by paramedics which would happen if I'd called an ambulance.

So far, so good. Initial triage nurse has been lovely and now waiting to see mental health team. Can't believe I'm here. Feel so ashamed, like a big freak. If only I was lovable enough that I had people in real life I wouldn't be here.

You're brave, not a freak! Taking this step required a lot of strength. I hope they find a way of providing adequate support. ((((hugs))))

Good luck, IG. It's so good that you took steps to keep yourself safe. Please check in with us whenever you have a chance.

You are so brave! Thank you for going!

It's v strange being here. In a kind of three walled room off the main ER treatment room waiting. Bizarre, as normally when I've been in the emergency room it's just curtained cubicles. I guess for mental health things they try to make it a bit more private.

I'm so glad that you are seeking help!

i was basing my response on the earlier statement that you couldn't go and so the suggestion was given to get an ambulance. you gave the answer that there was an ebola patient there and i was pointing out that it wasn't a real health risk. :: shrugs :: (and i have GAD and i can lay awake at night freaking out over things that are unlikely, i get it, but maybe it's just the mode of therapy i'm in, but i combat my anxiety by reciting the facts). and yes, it is an excuse, just not in the way you're thinking (you're taking the word negatively, all i meant was 'reason').

either way, you figured out how to get to one, so that's good. there's nothing to be ashamed of and being lovable has little to do with it. hopefully you can get the help you need to be safe. i suspect you are quite lovable and i'm sorry that life has gone in such a way to cause you to believe you aren't

Just seen a nice psych nurse. She made me some coffee and now waiting for the doctor.

Have to say, I am being treated with absolute respect. I've heard all kinds of grim stories about mental health issues being handled impatiently or like they're wasting time and resources but everyone is being really good, no different to a physical health problem in terms of attitude.

Glad you are in a safe place. Keep us updated when you are able.

Well, I'm home. Everyone was nice, sent me home with a script for more valium (which I tore up) and a page with hotline numbers. Plus, they'll try to refer me to a community team, or something.

I'm kind of unnerved at having this on my records now. I held off for so long, and now it's done, and while they were lovely, I don't know if it was worth it. I'm no further forward in terms of getting any suitable medication, and have no crisis team to call in emergencies, just generic numbers which I don't find useful.