[skycastle]

I thought I'd finished therapy but then am currently going through this really challenging transition period and felt like I was having a breakdown so I scheduled an appointment with my therapist.

The appointment started out on a topic related to my relationship that I'm still SO uncomfortable discussing, and I was so anxious and embarrassed, and I truly pulled out all the stops: refusing to look at him, staring around the room, crying, covering my face, demanding to leave, not saying goodbye properly, refusing to answer questions. I've never acted like this before; my therapist even said, "I've never seen you in this state before."

So my partner wants us to go see a couples/sex therapist together, and he doesn't think I should go back to my individual therapist just yet. He thinks it is too much and that I put too much anxious energy into thinking about sessions with my individual therapist. He doesn't think therapy should be so hard. He also doesn't think my individual therapist can help us with our current relationship issues.

I don't know what to do. I want to e-mail my individual therapist and apologize, but don't want to take advantage of his time, and also don't know whether to schedule another appointment or not. It took me a few days to recover from our last one. He knew I was hiding things from him and was pushing me to talk about them. He stayed with me for 45 minutes past our regular time, and even though I have all these doubts, I don't doubt that he cares, and I wonder how important that is. I know I caught him by surprise and even *I* was caught by surprise; I was doing really awesome before this past session and had only been seeing him once a month or so.

I just don't know what to do. I wonder if I've been in too much therapy. I'm wondering if I'm taking this one crying episode too seriously. I wonder if I just need to cut ties with my individual therapist and place my hopes in a new couples one and in my relationship. I don't know if I can see them both since my individual therapist sees me on sliding scale and also the couples therapist offered to see me on sliding scale and I don't want to take advantage of them and want them to definitely know that I'd be seeing two people but also am afraid that, after telling him about it, my individual therapist will say, "oh, well OK, looks like we can't talk anymore!"

Blah. I just don't know what to do

[precaryous]

Can you tell your individual T the situation just as you have posted here and ask his opinion? Can you ask the individual T, "Would I still be able to see you if I am also seeing a couples counselor?"

Perhaps you need more information before you can make an informed decision.

[HazelGirl]

I think you're scared because of how you're feeling. But there's nothing that you have said here that is bad. You haven't ruined anything nor have you taken advantage of your T's time. It sounds like you absolutely need to be going to individual therapy.

[CantExplain]

If your T is too busy to read an apology, then maybe your husband is right.

Send that apology anyway.

[skycastle]

maybe I'll ask this new therapist her opinion too/first...

I just don't see how talking to my individual T could help anything and I don't see how not talking to him could help anything except maybe 1) I talk to him and feel closer and more supported than ever or 2). I free myself from this painful trap of looking for help from someone who can't help me and isnt prepared to acknowledge that

[skycastle]

... Option #2 sounds exactly like what happened when I left my old therapist of 4 years

Do I ...
A) have no problems
B) keep seeking out ineffective therapists for some reason
C) feel afraid/bad about getting help from my individual therapist, who can/wants to help me

[CantExplain]

It is difficult. Some patients are too quick to give up on their Ts while others are too slow.

[JustShakey]

(((Sky)))
I think the couples' counseling would be good - it may give you some clear answers, I know it did for me. I would absolutely not give up on your individual therapy though. Plenty of people do individual and couples' at the same time. With what you say about looking for help from people who can't help you but don't want to admit it I think you have some serious transference going on. This is definitely something that you can work on with your individual T. And no, I don't for a minute think you keep picking lousy Ts. I think you keep dragging your stuff from T to T and you need to stop giving up on yourself.

I'm surprised you think of apologising to your therapist - to me it doesn't seem you have anything to apologise for. You were feeling a huge amount of emotion, isn't this what we pay our therapists for - to be a safe place/person for us to find a way to understand it?

[skycastle]

I'm not sure if it is transference or reality, tbh... But I did email the couples therapist to see if it would upset her to see me sliding scale if I was already seeing someone else sliding scale for individual therapy. Now, I wait.

If she is okay with it, then I guess I meet with her and decide whether or not to see my individual therapist anymore, and then if I do, I have to see if HE cares that I'm seeing a couples therapist sliding scale with my partner.. I'm worried about him getting upset but really my partner is the one paying for the majority of the couples therapy and that's why it's possible ... I just want to get what I need without taking advantage of people.. But do I even need therapy? It seems like an unhealthy luxury sometimes