Upsetting LCM

Take me home for what?

I really want to drink because I feel blah but I am probably not gonna drink tonight either

Maybe I should make another appointment with the dumb psychiatrist and go back on Celexa or something. I hate SSRIs but I just feel so awful all of the time

That might be a really good idea. Or try to find one that doesn't have such bad side effects that also helps?

I've been on Pacino and Zoloft and ceelca and wekl butrin. I liked Wellbutrin but it didn't help my mood. I hate the others. Dat and bad stuff. But I want to be numb do

If I were to cut while drunk would it count? Because u'm not sure. I thibg it might be okay

I ****INH hate my life abc I want it to BC over. It hurts and hurts and nothing good and I have no use in life. Thee is no good for someone who sleep with her father even if it was rape. I hate myself for being so. Disgusting

Growli, I'm done helping you. You know what you need to do. Do it, or don't. But I will not be pulled into that drama.

If you have to ask if cutting is okay, then you know the answer. Also drinking and contemplating cutting is some damn scary behavior. Alcohol causes you to bleed more freely, and lowers your inhibitions, so how will you know how much is too much?

I feel for you Growli but you can't erase your past in blood and vodka. You can erase your shame and put the blame back where it belongs, but it involves a damn lot of hard work in therapy and a real willingness to change.

I hope you get some help soon before you decide that you no longer deserve help, or that you don't need it because your drinking and SI have you covered.

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It makes you bleed more???

Oh my god I want that so bad I'll need to change underwear.

I might need to call LCM again

You are being deliberately obtuse tonight. We can't stop you from drinking, we can't stop you from cutting, and we can't stop you from upsetting your life coach mom. I feel like arguing with you just gives you joy! While I hate to walk away from someone in so much pain, I do have my own ***** to deal with.

Let us know how your next stint inpatient goes, mmmmkay?

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Getting drunk, feeling sui and calling your LC is not a sustainable option. She is not trained and skilled enough to deal with these serious issues and you are putting her in a situation that is over her head and scary for her. She cares about you, but you may push her to her limits if you use her like this. You do need to reach out for help, but you need more help than she can provide. If you aren't able to help yourself by not drinking or cutting, you need to reach out to SOME t in the short run, even if it takes longer to find the right tt. Otherwise, you might end up in the hospital. You can probably only call your LC in this dangerous state so many times before she hospitalizes you. She is over her head here. She can't be your safety net several times a week, it's more than someone in her position can do.

I'm not going inpatient. It can't happen again.

I'm not arguing with you. In the past, I never managed to feel like I bled enough and saying I'd bleed more is triggering. I'm talking to LCM and trying to not do it

She doesn't know about feeling suicidal. I haven't told her with good reason

If you absolutely CAN'T go inpatient again, then you absolutely CAN'T continue these destructive behaviors. Like scorpiosis said above, at some point LCM will have to refer you if you keep contacting her with issues she is not qualified to counsel you on.

Please try to remember that there IS life after trauma, but it is only as good as we make it.

Sorry didn't mean to trigger you, my mouth ran away from me.

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It doesn't matter if you haven't told her that. You are calling her two nights very close together, clearly drunk, and talking about cutting or other destructive behaviors. It's more than any reasonable person can take and deal with. You will wear her out and force her to make you get the help you need. Yes, that means hospitalization. You are doing it to yourself with your acting out.

Then I won't do it again

Thing is, although we are all in therapy, none of us are Therapists and are qualified to help you through this. Everyone has all the compassion and love in the world and wants you to do well but you really and truly need some skilled therapy. Not LCM who is not trained on how to help you. Be safe.

I need to stop drinking. Not just tonight but forever. If I keep drinking, I'm going to end up killing myself.

dump it and feel proud. you can do it

I still can't dump it. I just can't.

Quite frankly, you may do. There is no harm in admitting this is too big for you. My T always says "you've never done this before, it's ok to need help and not know what to do". It is no betrayl to LCM, you are not losing her or rejecting her. You are worthy of real help. Seek it.

What are you talking about? Going inpatient? Nope. The reason isn't that I'd feel like I was betraying LCM. My parents said they'd cut me off if I did.

I never said the word inpatient. Just real therapy. I know your style is to dismiss help but really think about it.

I'm actually actively seeking a real therapist

Good. I sincerely hope you will get past the excuuses of school schedules and work schedules and make your self a priority.

Alcohol is making it worse. You know that.