Upsetting LCM

How about AA? It's group, you don't have to speak if you don't want to, and everyone in the room has realized their drinking is out of their control. It might help to hear you aren't alone and that alcoholics come from all walks of life with all sorts of pain, some just like yours. You can take what you need and leave the rest behind when you leave. There's usually a meeting going on every day if you need distraction and accountability, and there are sponsors you can contact between meetings.

It's not therapy but it's better than trying to quit drinking cold turkey when you're really NOT ready to quit.

Sent from my iPod touch using Tapatalk

I mentioned AA earlier in this thread and it's fine if you didn't read it. But I'm not doing AA. It's not happening ever and I can't go into details why without upsetting people.
But thanks for the suggestion anyway.

Ok I'm against a lot of their principles as well. But it's free and readily available and it gets you out of your room and distraction from wanting to drink.

Sent from my iPod touch using Tapatalk

Yeah we probably have a similar issue with it then. I'm working three jobs and i'm in college full time so I'm not holed up in my room all day or something. It's actually really hard to schedule anything because I need time to practice and eat and sleep and do nothing. The do nothing is important because I got to recharge and maybe cry sometimes.

The down time is super important but my T keeps telling me to take time for myself, to be selfish with that time, and use it to do something caring for myself.

I asked her how much more selfish I could be with my time? I came home from work, got straight into my bed, and never got out of it again until the next morning.

She asked me how much of that time I spent loving myself?

I had to think hard before responding I never have and never will love myself.

Schedule your down time as non-alcoholic and do something pampering for yourself. Not something self-destructive.

Sent from my iPod touch using Tapatalk

Did you ever think about taking DBT to learn coping skills?

I think LCM is in over her head. You clearly have a problem with alcohol if you can't stop or throw it out like people have mentioned.

You have so much to lose. If you are not careful you are going to end up losing it all. Is the alcohol worth it?

It is just a temporary numbing method that makes you feel worse. Alcohol is a depressant. It is not helping with the feelings. It helps you feel less inhibited and gives you courage so you might end up doing something you regret like self harming, su etc.

Please for your sake get a therapist or rehab or something before you end up doing something you regret.

You have so many people who care about you on the board and in your real life I am sure. I don't think too many people know how to help you. You got to want to do it for yourself.

We all want good things for you. Again Please get yourself a therapist or someone who is qualified to help you. Many people have given you good ideas.

Perhaps poor a cup of alcohol and pour that down the drain. At least that is a start.

You might try volunteering somewhere. Then you will realize that there are people who have it worse off than you.

Just trying to help you.

I don't know how or what that even means. Someone tells me to "love myself" and all I can think about is masturbate or take a hot bath or both. I unfortunately don't have access to a bathtub.

I don't know what loving myself even means. It just sounds weird to me. Love myself but I am myself?

There is a lot of ways to love yourself. Scheduling a massage. Reading a good book. Doing something with friends. Talking on the phone. Shopping. Buying yourself something you have been wanting. Getting a manicure/pedicure. Doing a craft. Taking a nap. Put on lotion. Light candles. Etc.

I don't love myself either, which is why she wats me to spend time being nice to myself. I take 30 minutes outside, every day without fail, to read or watch nature and just enjoy being alone. I won't beat myself up during me-time, which still leaves 23.5 hours every day to fit that in.

It's damn hard to carve out that time every day, but I do it because I committed to it. And I feel stupid as hell, but it's not like I'm hugging myself in public! I deserve some quiet time to just. . .be.

Sent from my iPod touch using Tapatalk

I'm in DBT already. I hate it.

I have LCM, two friends, and a teacher. That's it. Yes, people have it "worse" but it really upsets me and annoys me when someone tries to devalue my issues by saying that some people have it worse. Some people have less, but I'm almost completely alone if you consider that my two friends are only sometimes supportive. They are never unsupportive except for tonight, but they are also busy. I also never contact my teacher for emotional support so I basically have LCM.

I know people do. I try to help when I can. When I have a little extra money, I'll buy a homeless person dinner or a pair of socks. I know it isn't a lot but I've been hungry and I know how much that would have meant to me.

Sorry, I just hate the idea that anyone needs to be reminded that their problems are actually irrelevant because others have it worse. Maybe if I were some irritating spoiled brat complaining that my parents didn't buy me a car for my 16th birthday that would be a good thing but not for stuff like this.

It is incredible that you are so argumentative in the face of so many, many posters offering support and suggestions. I can not follow this thread any longer- my head will explode from frustration.

Nobody was devaluing your issues. Everybody on the board has issues. I am just trying to suggest things that might help you that have helped me. I had many losses this year. Instead of focusing on that I started volunteering at the soup kitchen. It helps me get into a different space.

I agree with the poster after me. You don't seem to want any help. You resist all suggestions as people being unkind or devaluing you.

I have maybe one friend, some family members and my sister. I have extreme social anxiety.

I give up also. I wish you the best.

I'm not giving up, I haven't been around long enough
I know that you are a child, and you are alone.
My heart goes out to you, Growli.
I don't know all the back story really. But I know that you want to move away, and I guess getting somewhere completely new, getting into college, having support and making friends based on who you are now, not what you necessarily bring with you.....it's a hard task but you have so, so much time. Don't give up.

Well I'm 21 and I'm in college and I live very far from my parents. The issue is cutting ties with them and replacing the "friends" who suck.

What are you studying in college?
Yes, very hard to cut ties, even over distance. In my experience it does happen, but it takes time.
Have you got a plan to make new friends? Will you be able to move again for further studies?
I don't mean to offend by calling you a child. I had a baby when I was twenty. So everyone treated me like an adult. But I wasn't grown up, I was a messed up, scared child, and now I'm a bit stuck there!

You know, LC is going to end up getting herself into a lot of trouble - she isn't a licensed therapist but you've said she's trying to get licensed.

Therapists and pdocs are required to keep confidentiality except when the client is at risk of hurting themselves or others. You are continously hurting yourself and putting yourself into situations where you know you are more likely to do so.

LC is liable for you (not sure if that's the right word) and she will have to refer you inpatient eventually - she could get herself into a lot of trouble for not doing so when you end up going too far.

Growlithing,

Here is my opinion. I see your main issue as one centered on self-destructive impulses. You get drunk and then mentally re-abuse yourself by mentally reliving your original abuse (or something similar to it). If you have physical responses to those images, it fuels even more self-hatred, which leads you to punish yourself by cutting or thinking about sui.

1. YOU NEED TO STOP DRINKING. PERIOD. IT IS NOT HELPING. IT IS ONLYL MAKING THINGS WORSE.

2. YOU NEED TO ADDRESS YOUR ORIGINAL ABUSE. YOU NEED TO UNDERSTAND ON A DEEP LEVEL THAT WHAT HAPPENED IS NOT YOUR FAULT!! YOU DO NOT NEED TO KEEP PUNISHING YOURSELF.

The only way to work through this is to find an experienced therapist who can address both of these issues.

You also must commit to the hard work of facing your feelings, opening up and talking about them, and allowing your t to lead you through the work of healing.

The only thing we can do here on PC is make suggestions and show we care. But YOU must choose to take the necessary steps to heal.

YOU DESERVE TO BE HAPPY IN LIFE. YOU DESERVE TO LIVE. CHOOSE TO LIVE.

Peaches

I do worry about you drinking in the dorms, you are taking a big risk there. You do not think you will be caught, chances are you will be caught one day and probably be kicked out of college. That gives no where to go but your parents. Sorry to be so blunt here. I just want you to beaware that this may happen sooner or later.

I am a alcoholic, got myself clean a month ago. Please do not let this take over your life. You got a whole life ahead of you. Also when you get a good t she/he will help you begin to heal your past. Alcohol will not take the pain or memmories away. Yes it will involve allot of hard work on your part, but in the end it will be worth it. Do you really want to destroy your music career? Do you want to go back to your parents?

Only you can decide what you want in your life no one else can not even your LCM, therapist. Allot of people have posted on this thread and many of yours because they care so much about you and all I am seeing you do is make excuses to harm yourself. Please know no one will agree in self harm, but will try to help you make healthier choices. ((((((((Hugs))))))