Is it really Maladaptive??? My Rant for the day!

Ok, so my T has told me several times that I have Maladaptive thinking.. so we had quite a discussion about this... She kind of backed off of it and apologized for using that term... but it IS how T's look at some way I and others who Dissociate or suffered extreme trauma at a young age or over years... they think our thinking is "maladaptive".... Well, what makes them think their thinking isn't maladaptive??

Maladaptive He!! I think that it was one of the best coping skills a young child could come up with to escape the inescapable.! If I call that anything I would call that very Adaptive! Besides, so many who suffered the unthinkable at a young age adapted the exact same way... hmmmm that sounds like a normal adaptive skill to me!

Just because I have an ability to really Compartmentalize.... and deal with things differently does NOT make me Maladaptive..... Since when is there anything such as NORMAL anyway???? Norms are based on Society... I bet many "normal" people in the USA may be considered Abnormal by another culture or society!

I am tired of words like abnormal and Maladaptive.... I am not ashamed that I think different or I dissociate, or that I have a desk locked in a secret room where, when I am able, I will open the drawer, pull out something and deal with it... but close the drawer again until I am ready to deal with it again... (OK, so it's an imaginary desk in my head.. I have a great imagination Not maladaptive!)

I really am tired of all the labels... If anything I think that I had some amazing coping skills as a child! Sometimes I wonder why I should get rid of something that worked so well for me for so many years or be told it is Maladaptive???

I know.. it worked when I was a child, but now as an adult... yada yada, yada.... As long as I function and I cope and for the most part I do quite well!
I hold a steady job, raised a wonderful son and 4 other children. I have a hidden nightmare that I deal with in my head daily... but I adapted, I coped and I came out ok.... So why the word Maladaptive?? I mean really wouldn't you think it would be a creative and wonderful coping skill to escape the inescapable...

Ok, my rant is over... thanks for "listening"

My T says it is an ingrained defence mechanism that has served me well and will likely continue to serve me well for as long as I need it to. Not that it doesn't come with downsides.

I think the idea that ones thinking maladaptive is relative, isn't it? I think that if your present relationships are satisfying and you are living a life that works for you, then why is your way of coping abnormal? Does your T see problems in your life or relationships that you don't?

Not maladaptive at all. My t says the ability to dissociate, and the fact that I developed DID, is a very creative gift.

hmmm...interesting...I wonder if that is what my t thinks about me? I agree with your rant.....whenever I have used this technique, which has bothered me I must admit because I no longer find it useful in my life but it is automatic...I tell myself...this is normal for me......as I am sure like you said is for many trauma survivors. I think your t latched on to a lable and cant let it go.....lol

I just embrace the labels now, in a way it's nice to know I'm weird and "abnormal." Normal is boring!!

Maladaptive to me just means it's not working. Hopefully your T can find some words that seem less harsh to you, but I wouldn't feel too bad about being called maladaptive. A lot of the stuff I did to adapt as a kid is killing me now, but I have more info now, so I can make better choices. I think your T is just trying to point out areas you should consider changing. Best not to rest on your laurels, I think whether a person is normal or weird or abused as a kid or not we need to constantly be evaluating what we're doing and why to see if there might be a better way.

Great post Lady Lindsey, I agree that labels can hurt and have to be used carefully. Also if anything, you have been very good at adapting to your situations. I admire that. Thanks for sharing.

Extremely adaptive to your childhood world. Totally maladaptive to your adult world.

I prefer to consider it normal reactions to abnormal situations...coping skills serve a purpose and are there as long as we need them

Lauliza,

No, my life is not perfect, thus why I am seeing a therapist. I was in a bad hunting accident almost 1 1/2 years ago, where I was shot in the head. If it wasn't for my "maladaptive" skills, I probably would not have survived. Those skills saved my life, until someone who wasn't totally freaking out/and/or frozen Those being my best friend and my husband, I would not have made it. I had to make the 911 call. If I had not had the ability to dissociate and compartmentalize I would not have been able to do it... Of course it only lasted for a few minutes before I was not in any shape to do anything, but it saved my life.

As far as my relationships.... At work I am Great.... at home my life sucks.. except for my horses and my other animals. I am married to someone who has his own issues, and apparently am subject to verbal abuse quite a bit..... so maybe that is the area that could be seen as "maladaptive" I believe in Marriage, I believe in the commitment and I stay, even though it hurts..... if dissociating so I don't feel the pain helps.. then it is how I cope...

When I stop dissociating and I start trying to cope, I use terrible coping skills, I turn to drugs, and binge/purging, and some self harm... thus to me dissociation, seems like a much better coping skill for me.

I breath, I meditate, I use mindfulness, but I don't know if I need to deal with all the pain of the past if I can just tuck it away.

I don't think that my bad relationship comes from dissociation, I think it comes from growing up in a very unstable relationship and thinking that the only form of love comes with pain... that comes from working through pain... Not sure if I would call that maladaptive as much as I would call that dealing with my past.

You bring up some good points... I guess I just like Denial... works well for me at times

My T hates the word "maladaptive". I used it once to describe my SI as a maladaptive coping skill...she told me to not use that word again. She said that we develop coping skills in order to "adapt" to something. Even if it's not a healthy coping skill, it still serves a purpose helping us cope.

I'm so sorry that your t is saying things like this to you. My therapist has been really good at stressing how ADAPTIVE my ability to dissociate is. She let's me know that when I was young it was the best most efficient thing to do to escape what I was unable to physically escape from. She recognizes it as a very valuable trait for the time, but encourages me to try new ways to cope as this is not always the best skill to utilize now that I'm not in danger and being hurt. She made sure that I knew that my dissociation evolved for a reason, and it was incredibly helpful in allowing me to survive the trauma. She reassured me over and over that this was how she viewed it and how I should view it too. Hopefully your t can truly come to this out a similar understanding of what you're working with to increase the comfort on both your parts.

My T has told me that it is a very creative way of coping. I've never once heard her say that dissociation is maladaptive. I'm still in earlier days of dealing with dissociation in therapy but if anything I'm always being told it is a creative skill I needed to adopt to survive- without it things could be much worse and I may not be as highly functioning as I am, if that makes sense. I'm sorry you are dealing with this in therapy, I can imagine how unsupportive it must feel.