[ThisWayOut]

T introduced the idea of her leaving today. She refused to give me a time frame and kept putting it back on me, asking how long I thought therapy should last (reminding me they normally refer out after 3 months) She kept mentioning a month more when asking how long I thought would be enough time to get to what I needed to address, so I'm assuming she is leaving the end of the year latest... that's 4 therapists in 2 years. I'm cooked. It takes so long to trust, and just as I get to the trusting point, it's time to switch.
At least life is easier when I'm not accountable.
I don't even want to go back anymore... **** termination. **** closure. I'm just done. Everyone I start to trust leaves, so what's the ****ing point?

[Syra]

THis makes perfect sense to me. I'm sorry to hear you have to go through this again. It's hard. Being cooked makes sense. Maybe overcooked wilted broccoli?

Hello ThisWayOut: Yes, this would be SO difficult! Personally, I've never found a T I thought was worth his / her salt, as the saying goes. So I've always quit them before they had a chance to quit me.

I do applaud your past willingness to keep trying. And I certainly sympathize with your current despair over finding someone who will stick around long enough for you to accomplish what you need to accomplish. Perhaps at some point, when you feel up to it again, you'll be able to find a provider who's more dependable(?). In the meantime, I send you warm hugs to buoy you during this time.

[HazelGirl]

It doesn't feel like it, but this isn't your fault. Could you find an established T in a private practice who is much less likely to leave?

[ThisWayOut]

Originally Posted by HazelGirl

It doesn't feel like it, but this isn't your fault. Could you find an established T in a private practice who is much less likely to leave?

I can't afford a real t. It's hard enough paying the $5/session with this one. Established t's don't go below $45... it sucks. It's so triggering living here... I know it's probably a bad idea to go without t while I'm still here, but I can't emotionally afford this anymore (and i can't financially afford someone more reliable)... whatever. I was only supposed to be with this t for 6 weeks and then I wad supposed to move. But the move keeps getting put off, so... whatever. I should know better by now.

[sweepy62]

Thats exactly what I went through in less than 2 and a half years, now my 3 t. Its an aweful feeling, to have to build up a relationship and trust again, you can do it though, its just exhausting, im not gonna sugar coat it for you, and yes you feel like just giving up. for what its worth, I just kept trying , I am still in the therapy game, not knowing one minute to the next because I am not in private therapy. my t has change my schedule due to several t leaving the clinic, so yes I am insecure, but sticking it out. Dont give up.

[Asiablue]

ugh, i'm so sorry this is happening. It is all exhausting, I don't blame you for feeling done with it all.

[HealingTimes]

That sucks. I am so sorry you are going through this, it must be so hard.

I am so sorry. Its a terrible place to be. We need to be able to rely on these people. Did she exactly tell you she was leaving? Could you get the specifics about it from her?

[ThisWayOut]

Originally Posted by 8888an8888

I am so sorry. Its a terrible place to be. We need to be able to rely on these people. Did she exactly tell you she was leaving? Could you get the specifics about it from her?

She said she's leaving the agency, though did not say when. She reiterated that they normally only see clients for 3 months then move them along (though in the paperwork it said they review progress at 12 weeks, not that they move people on)... she asked more than one time how much more I had expected to stay there "a month? More? Less?"... I couldn't give her an answer. Honestly, I would like support til I move (preferably from one person so I don't have to keep learning to trust over and over again). Since I don't know when I'm moving, that leaves things pretty open-ended. I know that's not what she is looking for...
I know a t relationship isn't meant to be forever. I know even t's that are established may end up having something come up to necessitate termination... but it still sucks.
It's like the lyrics to that three days grace song "let you down"...
Trust me
I’ll be there when you need me
You’ll be safe here
When you finally trust me
Finally believe in me

I will let you down
I’ll let you down, I’ll
When you finally trust me
Finally believe in me

I wish it didn't matter so much to have someone to trust. I wish it didn't matter so much to have a safe place to reach out to when everything gets overwhelming... I think I'm just defective being so needy. Need to go back to having walls miles high and keeping everything self-sufficient. As much as I hate to admit it, mom was right: you can never rely on anyone else because they will always let you down. What's the point? Couldn't rely on anything except people not being there when I needed them growing up, why would it change as an adult?

[Freewilled]

I'm sorry, ThisWayOut It sounds like the system you can afford is pretty much broken. There's nothing you can do about that and so not your fault. I'm annoyed for you that your T kept asking you how long you were expecting therapy to go on because she should've just owned up to the fact that she is leaving and told you when, no? Anyways, have you tried support groups? I've found some comfort in 12-step groups because they are free (virtually), I know they are always there, I can speak my whole mind/heart during my share and no one gives me advice, and overall I feel a tiny bit less alone than before. Plus, it helps me to feel less reliant on my T....not that it's wrong to be reliant or anything....just a thought. I'm sorry you're going through this

[ThisWayOut]

A friend brought up a good point. She suggested that the agency might have a wait list and they are trying to move people that have been on the case load longer than the three months (though when I counted just now, this month was the three month mark). I left t a message telling her that I had hoped to find support that was more open-ended and could be with me till I moved, but that I understood she was leaving. I asked that she help me find more consistent support that could follow me through til I moved. I also may have admitted that I was a bit tipsy leaving the message and that she would likely not have gotten that response from me otherwise (I don't ask for what I need very easily, especially if I feel like it is an imposition)...

I like the idea of a support group, though don't do well with anything even remotely religious, so 12 steps will not work. I know there a nami group nearby, but the meet at awkward times. Other than that, there isn't much of a choice. Resources in this area are really limited for how populated it is. :/

I hope I don't get in trouble for leaving t a tipsy voicemail o_O

[Freewilled]

That's good that you were able to ask her for what you need Yes, 12 steps are not supposed to be religious but they can be led wrong....depends on the particular meeting. I personally find ACA meetings most helpful for me and my parents are not alcoholics....dysfunctional families count too. Maybe there are therapy groups that have no religious/spiritual affiliation in your area? I dunno....hopefully your T can help you find a more consistent support system