[Kiya]

Ugggggggh. I already have issues with my pseudo T... been seeing her after seeing her several years ago.... always had issues with her, but with the chaos i've been in with my REAL t having cancer, and tryng out 2 other Ts (one of whom shared toooo much), I went back to this one. She's always bordered on TMI and this time crossed it. Told me about her numb finger and "well, I shouldn't say this out loud (that's how she starts most her sentences) but... with my new partner... I thought it was just... overuse." UGH! NOOOOO. It was leading into "I have MS", which I already knew, but i SO didn't need that precursor of her symptoms. Jeeze. I don't even want to go back, but I can't seem to tell her I'm quiting. One of me told her we'd not return (before this last time), but she told that self "No, you can't quit". and i... my backbone seems to have taken a hiatus. even though she always shares too much and usually gets me triggered.
that one has left me with a very unpleasant visual. >_<

[roimata]

Maybe she and her partner are diehard thumb-war competitors.

Don't even bother telling her. Just cease making appointments. She can't force you to continue with her unless your sessions are court mandated.

[Kiya]

lol (it was her pinky.... maybe too many pinky swears )
I've got to find my backbone - she doesn't allow people to just quit and doesn't take no for an answer. Just in cancelling one day because I couldn't stand to see her one more minute, she emailed me 7 times hounding me "WHY, what's going on? You've never cancelled".
I can do this
I can do this
I can.....

[ThingWithFeathers]

Originally Posted by Kiya

I can do this
I can do this
I can.....

Yes, you can

[RedSun]

Yes you can!!!
Ooh, what do you do with a pinky?
I agree, it's TMI, and the hounding is not really appropriate either.
Good luck!

[Favorite Jeans]

Originally Posted by Kiya

lol (it was her pinky.... maybe too many pinky swears )
I've got to find my backbone - she doesn't allow people to just quit and doesn't take no for an answer. Just in cancelling one day because I couldn't stand to see her one more minute, she emailed me 7 times hounding me "WHY, what's going on? You've never cancelled".
I can do this
I can do this
I can.....

To me, this is more worrisome than the finger comment. It's bizarre and unprofessional. You can always send her a short email saying that you're taking a break. If she bugs you, block her email and phone number.

I am also curious: what kind of naughtiness can one engage in with one's pinky? My imagination is failing me!

[HazelGirl]

So many red flags. This lady should not be a T. I am so sorry it's caused you so much pain, but you seem to know what you need to do. I believe in you and that you have the ability to stop going. The hard part is that she is going to message you a ton asking why you didn't show up. Do you have the strength to ignore those emails?

[Victoria'smom]

"Can you write back "I'm sorry I'm looking for another T" and copy and pasted that to any email she sends. Do an automatic voice message whenever she calls saying the same thing or just answer the phone with "I'm looking for another T " click

[unaluna]

Ear wet willies??

[Kiya]

She meant sexually... she's always making me uncomfortable with sexual information or innuendos or info about her partners.... (like why she lost her therapist liscanse over 9 years ago).

I... don't feel like i have the ability to walk away. I'm going tomorrow :/ I have an intake with partial hospital on Thurs... T wants to see me even when I am in there . I thought I would get away from her through this (and I really need to be in IOP, all my warning signs for relapse are up). Maybe they can help me terminate with her.
One of my selves told her we wouldn't come back, but she's not the one in front - I am. And T told her no anyway. I feel defeated. This has always been my hardest thing - walking away from unhealthy people.

[ThingWithFeathers]

Originally Posted by Kiya

She meant sexually... she's always making me uncomfortable with sexual information or innuendos or info about her partners.... (like why she lost her therapist liscanse over 9 years ago).

I... don't feel like i have the ability to walk away. I'm going tomorrow :/ I have an intake with partial hospital on Thurs... T wants to see me even when I am in there . I thought I would get away from her through this (and I really need to be in IOP, all my warning signs for relapse are up). Maybe they can help me terminate with her.
One of my selves told her we wouldn't come back, but she's not the one in front - I am. And T told her no anyway. I feel defeated. This has always been my hardest thing - walking away from unhealthy people.

I am curious. I could take a pretty darn good guess, but why did she loose her license 9 years ago?

[StressedMess]

Originally Posted by ThingWithFeathers

I am curious. I could take a pretty darn good guess, but why did she loose her license 9 years ago?

And how did she get it back? Is she now practicing without?

I'm sorry you're not able to separate yourself from her. I wish there was something I could do to help!

[Kiya]

Originally Posted by StressedMess

And how did she get it back? Is she now practicing without?

I'm sorry you're not able to separate yourself from her. I wish there was something I could do to help!

she's a "life coach". no she never got it back. $10,000 fine or something. Don't need a liscance to be a life coach. scary, eh?
thanks - I'm... I'm working on it.... I see her soon and plan to tell her.....
gulp!
i will do my best - and I'm sure partial will help me if I can't.

[Kiya]

Originally Posted by ThingWithFeathers

I am curious. I could take a pretty darn good guess, but why did she loose her license 9 years ago?

she and her client fell in love - they terminated as soon as they realized what was happening, but in this state there is a 3 year wait period before a T and client can be friends or anything. They didn't follow that. Not sure who told on T, if it was her girlfriend or T just couldn't keep her mouth shut and someone else told on her....

[StressedMess]

Originally Posted by Kiya

she and her client fell in love - they terminated as soon as they realized what was happening, but in this state there is a 3 year wait period before a T and client can be friends or anything. They didn't follow that. Not sure who told on T, if it was her girlfriend or T just couldn't keep her mouth shut and someone else told on her....

The way she enjoys sharing it feels like she's the one who let the cat out of the bag. Wow.

Good luck! It's hard to stand up for yourself, we're here too!

[eskielover]

Oh Kiya......that's an easier one.....it's what one T that I tried told me when I was dealing with trauma & depersonalization after I moved here.....she said...I am not trained to deal with the depth of your problems. You need to be seeing a psychologist....

she;s JUST a live coach.......YOU SERIOUSLY need a well trained psychologist to deal with the issues you struggle with.

Tell her that you "have been thinking on it & with the serious issues that are constantly causing issues you honestly don't feel that a "life coach" is what you need to be helping you & that you will be getting a very qualified psychologist.....but thank you for your time......."

I always try to find something that will give me an easy out.....that's the best out yet......you need a licensed psychologist who is keeping up with their annual training skills & you just need a higher level professional that she herself is capable of providing.

[Kiya]

Originally Posted by StressedMess

The way she enjoys sharing it feels like she's the one who let the cat out of the bag. Wow.

Good luck! It's hard to stand up for yourself, we're here too!

Yeah probably. Thanks! 5 minutes and counting

[Kiya]

She was a trauma therapist with supposed DID experience... Taught classes at the local university. That's how I found her originally. But you're right about no CEUs.
Ok here we go!!!!

Originally Posted by eskielover

Oh Kiya......that's an easier one.....it's what one T that I tried told me when I was dealing with trauma & depersonalization after I moved here.....she said...I am not trained to deal with the depth of your problems. You need to be seeing a psychologist....

she;s JUST a live coach.......YOU SERIOUSLY need a well trained psychologist to deal with the issues you struggle with.

Tell her that you "have been thinking on it & with the serious issues that are constantly causing issues you honestly don't feel that a "life coach" is what you need to be helping you & that you will be getting a very qualified psychologist.....but thank you for your time......."

I always try to find something that will give me an easy out.....that's the best out yet......you need a licensed psychologist who is keeping up with their annual training skills & you just need a higher level professional that she herself is capable of providing.

[guilloche]

Originally Posted by Kiya

She was a trauma therapist with supposed DID experience... Taught classes at the local university. That's how I found her originally. But you're right about no CEUs.
Ok here we go!!!!

Oh geez. Oh gosh. Oh my. Oh how I am trying to not say anything awfully inappropriate here, but I'm sort of choking on my dinner reading this... just wow.

Wow wow wow.

Kiya - I hope you were able to break it off with her tonight! Please tell us that you were!

If not, I hope you seriously consider some of the ideas here... like cancelling an appointment, tell her you'll be out of town (visiting family, taking a vacation, business, volunteering, chasing after a new love, whatever!) and not sure when you'll be returning.

Then either screen your calls and don't pick up when she calls, or change your number! She sounds absolutely nuts... really not a good match.

The worst thing is, I hate to think you wasting your money with this person I don't know if it helps, sometimes when I have difficulty with the emotional side of something, I'll try to focus on something more concrete like finances... and say to myself, "well, it's difficult, but I really am not getting a good value for my money here, so I must end it." Something like that.

*good luck*

[skycastle]

You know what's super okay? Seeing a therapist and a life coach at the same time!!! . Why not go for that?? Even if you think this life coach is harming you, you may still find it hard to leave if you don't have other people who connect with you or understand or WANT to understand you and your life. I say add some more people into your circle. Start there if that's where you need to start and just see what happens. It's not betrayal to see a life coach and a therapist at the same time... It is getting two separate services! And if you are worried about finances, I'd still call around and explain your situation to see what happens. Go forth with curiosity.

[Kiya]

Well... I did it kind of sort of. It was not working out and she started scheduling next week and I went with a soft option- but one that may be valid. I don't know that they'll even let me see an outside therapist in partial hospital where I am going on Thursday. T went in to shock! I told her they likely won't even let me see my med nurse because they have a pdoc who controls all.
Granted at this same program in another hospital, I insisted that I keep both My former t and pnurse. But I wasn't going to tell this t that.
She spent the entire session in shock. I have to admit, I didn't see that one coming, since I've been passively hinting that I would not be continuing for the last 5 sessions.
Suddenly she didn't want to talk trivial matters. "If it is plausible that I won't be seeing you for several months, I don't want to spend our last session talking about things that don't matter".
Ok 1. We have pretty much only talked about things that don't matter (unless we're talking about things in HER life that trigger me).
2. Plausibly??? Oh heck no. Buh bye. She is still holding out hope they'll let me see her. No way, sorry wrong number, I won't.
3. Yike! She thinks I'm returning to her after this program. Uggggh!
T: get. A. Clue. Noooooooooo!!!! !!!!!!!
Kiya: get. A. Backbone. Just say no.
Well for now, I am free of her ok well almost, I ended up promising to email her from time to time. >cringe<

[guilloche]

Hi Kiya -

YAY! I'm so glad that you've been able to get a little space from her. Good for you! I'm 100% for using convenient excuses to soften the blow with people that don't respect your boundaries otherwise

Does she have your email address? I'd be tempted to set up a rule, if your email program lets you do that, that automatically trashes any emails from her - so you don't have to see them or respond! (But yeah, I'm a bit avoidant, apparently!)

Seriously, I'm glad (and relieved) for you! Take care of yourself, and good luck with the partial program!

[StressedMess]

Avoidant should be my middle name! Stop using that email address, changed phone numbers, moved house, once even left a job trying to hide.

Kiya you are awesome! Good luck with your partial hospital and your search for a new T!

[ChildlikeEmpress]

Yaaaaaay Kiya just saw you were able to at least get a cushion of time away from gross T. Good work!! Actually that "going out of town" idea is pretty good....
Now hopefully the hospital will be able to set you up with someone decent!

[Kiya]

^_^ thanks everyone
She does actually want me to email her Thursday to tell her how the intake goes, and email updates *groan*
I will have to do some serious boundary setting. As I look back on it, the more I tried to hint I was leaving, the more she affirmed she was not letting go. Now I know how a fly feels in a web.