[RTerroni]

I mentioned this in another Thread but I think that I see my Therapist as more of a Peer than a Therapist, I mentioned this to her at session yesterday and she said that we can discuss it more at future session. I was wondering if this has been the case with anyone else before.

[GeorgiaGirl413]

It has been for me. I am a health care professional myself, and because I live in a small town my T and I often have patients in common. In the right setting I am my therapist's peer. But not in the therapy session. However, that can be easy to forget. I have even considered going out of town for therapy, but it takes up enough of my time as it is without adding a couple of hours of driving time each week (and the cost of gas).

[PeeJay]

Originally Posted by RTerroni

I mentioned this in another Thread but I think that I see my Therapist as more of a Peer than a Therapist, I mentioned this to her at session yesterday and she said that we can discuss it more at future session. I was wondering if this has been the case with anyone else before.

I hate the power differential that T has over me and I usually try to minimize it by learning more about T and trying to relate as one professional to another.

Are you a mental health professional? (I'm not.)

I see therapist not as a peer, but as someone who works hard and is interested in her profession and I do remind myself that I'm nothing more to her than an appointment on the calendar and that I provide to her just money and perhaps some professional satisfaction from dealing with my neuroses.

[Nerak67]

I had a therapist who was my mother's age and was very much an authority figure. I called her dr xxxxx and always felt like I was 10 years old. Now I see a man about my age who has me call him by his first name. He feels like a therapist but I feel more his equal having a discussion. I think this is much better for me.

[anilam]

I struggle hard to take my T as a peer (20 yr difference and all). I need this RS to be as equal as possible and I've chosen a T who is helping me with this.

[RTerroni]

Originally Posted by PeeJay

I hate the power differential that T has over me and I usually try to minimize it by learning more about T and trying to relate as one professional to another.

Are you a mental health professional? (I'm not.)

I see therapist not as a peer, but as someone who works hard and is interested in her profession and I do remind myself that I'm nothing more to her than an appointment on the calendar and that I provide to her just money and perhaps some professional satisfaction from dealing with my neuroses.

I am not mental health professional, however my Therapist also went to the same University (and is close on age to me), so I see her as not just a Therapist but also a fellow Alum of XXXXXX (won't say the actual name) University.

[GeorgiaGirl413]

Originally Posted by PeeJay

I hate the power differential that T has over me and I usually try to minimize it by learning more about T and trying to relate as one professional to another.

Are you a mental health professional? (I'm not.)

I see therapist not as a peer, but as someone who works hard and is interested in her profession and I do remind myself that I'm nothing more to her than an appointment on the calendar and that I provide to her just money and perhaps some professional satisfaction from dealing with my neuroses.

I wouldn't say that we are nothing more than an appointment on a calendar. I know that my patients are more to me than that. Also, there are much easier ways of earning much more money than being a T. But, I also think that there are many folks on here who want to / long to have very close, personal relationships with their T's. Our T's can care about us, be concerned about us, even have a certain amount of affection for us, without making us integral parts of their personal lives. The trick, if you want to call it that, is knowing where to draw the line.

[RTerroni]

Originally Posted by anilam

I struggle hard to take my T as a peer (20 yr difference and all). I need this RS to be as equal as possible and I've chosen a T who is helping me with this.

Very True, I don't think that I could see anyone that much older than me as a Peer (my Therapist is actually 3-4 years younger than me).

[Lexi232]

I dont know... I would rather my T be a "peer" so to speak. Because, I can talk to a friend. but when theres no peer and theres only T, i get overly nervous, and like i'm constantly being observed and graded.
And a friend i can talk to any time, not just 45mins every few weeks. And the role of a friend doesn't change just because i'm not in that 45 minute window. a friend is always a friend (which is a good thing; and "always" isn't exact but i think it gets my point across) And with a friend my focus isn't all on the problems. and it's not all focused on me, like it is (my experience) when in therapy. T's tend to keep their life quiet and like a secret, which is one reason why i think it becomes so one sided. They might mention what show they saw since the last time they saw you, that had to do with the diagnosis in the charts.
never knowing anything about them, or their life.
I mean, just because your a parent, it doesn't mean that you can't go out and have fun with your child. not one parent views their role the same. and T's go by the ethics role, or most of them do. - I just used the role of a parent for an example because both a T and parents are sorta like the authority (the friendly kind usually).
But even with a T, I will likely go to a friend first if i have something that i'm worrying about or getting stressed out about.
And with friends, you can just hang out, and have fun. which is usually, for me, more theraputic than sitting in an office for 45 mins and facing eachother.

(again, these are just all my opinion...)

My T and I are peers on the level that we are both professionals, share some educational background, etc., but when it comes to the therapy end of things, I defer to his expertise most of the time as he defers to me on educational matters.

[stopdog]

I teach full time at a university in an area concerning health law, I still have a small private practice where I often am on the side opposing what an md or other mental health care professional wants to do to my client, and I have many friends who are msws and therapists. In that vein, the therapist is just another person I come into contact with and I am not less powerful than she is. I do not, however think we have the same knowledge. I pay her for her knowledge about therapy.

[unaluna]

This is a very interesting question. Because I have been in therapy longer than forever, and it seems like recently the more t acknowledges my expertise in various areas (usually cooking), the more progress I make. It's like competence begets more competence.

[RTerroni]

Originally Posted by hankster

This is a very interesting question. Because I have been in therapy longer than forever, and it seems like recently the more t acknowledges my expertise in various areas (usually cooking), the more progress I make. It's like competence begets more competence.

and that's sort of what I want from a Therapist someone who tries to fix some of my issues but also sees my as a Human Being with interests in many different things (some she may have an interest in as well)

My t and i are equals. Theres no power differential. Thats just how we are. I dont give her power over me and she doesnt try to take any. She is like my mentor, or a big sister.

[Sabra]

Originally Posted by RTerroni

I mentioned this in another Thread but I think that I see my Therapist as more of a Peer than a Therapist, I mentioned this to her at session yesterday and she said that we can discuss it more at future session. I was wondering if this has been the case with anyone else before.

The therapist I worked with longest, I came to see her as a peer. I was in school when we met, but graduated while in therapy. She read my masters thesis in behavioral sciences. After that we went to some of the same seminars. We always spoke, but didn't have dinner etc.

Sabra

[A Red Panda]

I view my T sorta like I do my coworkers I suppose. Except that the work we're doing is all about me. haha. But then, some of my coworkers I view as peers and others not so much. I think that my T is someone I would probably befriend to some extent if I had met him in a different situation, so I think he has the potential to be like a peer. I think he treats me sort of like that too in a way - because in a lot of ways I'm better read on bipolar than he is as I don't think he's had too many bipolar patients (he's got a lot of experience with BPD though). We have different skill sets in some ways, but I behave towards my students a lot like how he would behave with clients, so I can understand and appreciate him in that regard. He's more like "coworker" than "peer" and that works for me.

[feralkittymom]

Sometimes the desire to see your T as a peer is a kind of transference. It can function as a defense to facing certain issues. Or be a manifestation of a lack of trust.

[unaluna]

Originally Posted by feralkittymom

Sometimes the desire to see your T as a peer is a kind of transference. It can function as a defense to facing certain issues. Or be a manifestation of a lack of trust.

I think that's how it was with my first long term t. But then you have to look at the era - Gunderson hadnt even written his borderline book yet, amazon wasnt invented let alone the internet. Information and peer support is easily available to the lay person now that simply wasnt before. My t says you dont have to feel like you're in the wrong and getting yelled at in order to improve. He prefers you dont.

[feralkittymom]

My t says you dont have to feel like you're in the wrong and getting yelled at in order to improve. He prefers you dont.

I don't really understand your comment? Most professional relationships used to be looked at far more formally in the past than now, so seeing a T as a peer would have been much less common then. I don't understand equating a peer relationship with not getting yelled at. I never saw my T as a peer (nor did I particularly want to), and there was certainly transference of a more parental type, but he never treated me in any way that made me feel less than or inferior. My point is just that the desire to put a T in a peer role can come from a lot of different motivations, (including from the T's philosophy and modality), and not be the inherent consequence of a real life connection--like going to the same U.

[Raindropvampire]

I thought everybody saw their T as a peer?!? It never crossed my mind not to. No matter the profession we are all just people. There is a dignity and respect that every person deserves but I don't treat anyone different just because of their profession. Should I?

[feralkittymom]

Originally Posted by Raindropvampire

I thought everybody saw their T as a peer?!? It never crossed my mind not to. No matter the profession we are all just people. There is a dignity and respect that every person deserves but I don't treat anyone different just because of their profession. Should I?

I don't think there is any "should." The therapy relationship can take different forms depending upon what each brings to the relationship. But it isn't always so neatly controlled, especially if a transference is activated.

[Perna]

I guess it depends on one's idea of what a "therapist" is; the concept of "seeing a therapist as a therapist"; that's a given, that is just what their job is, why we see them at all? I see teachers as teachers, mothers as mothers, accountants as accountants, attorneys as attorneys, etc. There's no "magic" there, we all have certain roles we have chosen (or been born into). Unless one is in the mental health field one's self, I don't see how "peer" enters into it.

[nicoleflynn]

My T considers me a "colleague."

[Favorite Jeans]

I guess I'm not totally sure I undersand the question. To me, the whole point of having a therapist is that she isn't my peer. Which doesn't mean that I defer to her unconditionally or that I think she is on a whole other plane socially or whatever. It means that I am vulnerable to her and I use her skills and expertise in a way that is different from the way I interact with anyone else. If she were my peer, I wouldn't pay her.

If I had met her in another context, I would probably consider us peers. I am a professional in my own right and have power and authority when I'm on the job--but not when I'm in therapy. We don't come to the relationship as equals. She is responsible for me in a way that I am not for her. This is why it's okay for us to be irrationally angry, explore our transference, cry or be childlike in T. It would be totally inappropriate to treat your friends or colleagues that way. But therapy is (or should be) a safe place for all of that precisely because our Ts have skills, perspective, and obligations with respect to the therapeutic relationship that the other people in our lives don't have. So no, I don't think of her as my peer at all.

.
No, my T is much much older than me.

That being said, she is psychoanalytically trained, so her focus is really on transference and all that stuff. So, I "see her" in many different roles.

But, once I leave session, I realize that I am a job.