mad at therapist

I think that quite a lot of people are sensitive in taking things personally. Everyone has taken something personally. I just see that perhaps you just do that more than average.

Being sensitive isn't a bad thing. It can keep us safe. It can also get in the way of our living.

Now I remember your thread about wanting to do more therapy, which I think makes all the sense in the world; Maybe that therapy could calm down the distressing thoughts again, if only for a while.

The opposite, no therapy makes less sense. That means you get no break, and have to deal with it on your own.

That's just me though... are you following me here?

A lot of us have trust issues. Ts need to be super reliable. If they win our trust and then let us down, they damage not just this T relationship but future T relationships as well.

T's can strive to be super reliable, but even the most reliable therapist is human. If you look for disappointment enough times, you'll find reason to be disappointed.

If that's been a pattern for someone that's sensitive, then they will find a way to get disappointed (and leave before they are hurt.)

Yes, I agree with you. I left that in the voicemail to her that she apparently couldn't hear at all (possibly true given the location I was when I left it). NOW that she hasn't called me back the last thing I want to do is ask to come in 2x a week. For me asking for help is not easy. I'm not assertive. I'm a little shy. and me calling a therapist and leaving voicemails means I began to trust her. Now that she hasn't called me back I feel very rejected. If she doesn't call back at all by tonight I won't feel comfortable with her anymore. Even if she does call back, I will reject her call. I know this is not rational but it's just how I feel. I don't even know what to tell her... like... ummmm? sorry, but I feel rejected? lol.

I felt the same way when I tried therapy...now i'm no longer doing therapy as I feel that they just don't care. Do what you feel is right for you...your gut is always right...wish I had followed my gut first session.

It really ****ing sucks when you do something that isn't easy, and then get blown off. It makes all the sense in the world to not want to actively cause yourself more grief like that...

except you're dealing with distressing **** anyway.

The question is, do you want the guaranteed distress, alone... or the chance at something different, by trying something different?

I know calling is difficult, but you did it, and you're (pissed off, hurt) and still here.

Did that solve everything you were dealing with?

You're right. But to be really honest, this is just all the more reason to me that people are unreliable, no one can help me, and it's better off if I'm not in this world.

Doesn't seem like you'd lose anything by trying something different though... I can understand why you'd feel that this is hopeless. It has been for you.

Trying a new approach, though... I mean maybe you're right, that it is ultimately pointless, and whats the point at giving something new a try?

IDK. What do you think?

What do you think I should try then?

If you know that you take it to extreme perhaps you could find a middle ground?
Perhaps your being extreme is a correction you need to work on...this all being said in the light of concern and is not meant as a criticism.

Well, I talked about skills before. The therapist alone, is okay, but you really need skills to get the whole deal that's actually going to help out with the dealing with depression, and disappointment in a different way.

I know that the idea of group really was unappealing for you. For one thing, you're concerned about privacy and seeing people in the future in a career... what then?

For another, you're really cautious and its difficult to start something new.

The privacy/career thing is pretty easy when you think about it. There are about 300 million people in the states. The likelihood of your seeing any of these people in a professional setting is a heck of a lot lower than the chance your winning the lottery. Plus I pretty much guarantee no-one is going to be anxious to be outing everyone in the group. (A) no one cares, and (B) they'd be doing it to themselves too.

Group is almost certainly different from what you imagine too. You can be as open or closed as you want. You can be a total cryptic enigma wrapped in a riddle if you want.

Now, no one can force you to call again, or give group a chance. Certainly not some rando on the internet... but I do have to wonder, if you're willing to say "**** it, lets give oblivion a chance," why wouldn't you give a frigging skills group a chance?

Can you just bite the bullet and try to do it differently? Talk to her and tell her how you feel. Certainly can't turn out worse than it already is in your head.

Try something different than usual.

I don't trust people. It's hard for me to even talk to a therapist let alone a group of strangers. I have a lot of shame too and for years tried to go without any therapy at all. Clearly, did not work. Going into a group of people I think will only heighten that.

Also... I wouldn't know what to ask her. "Hi can I start your group". It's so hard for me to ask for help. So hard.

Yeah I might tell her but when? She was supposed to call me today... didn't not call ONCE and it's almost 9pm. She probably forgot about me.

Call her again! Tell her I NEED you to hear me!

I was so resistant to doing group. I convinced myself half a dozen ways why I shouldn't. Had things I'd never tell other people, genuine shame. Ultimately I went because I decided seeing T twice a week, even if it was part of group was better than once.

That's what I did in group... just have this extra bit of contact. I was a master at being cryptic, and judged the everliving **** out of everyone else.

A funny thing happened, I took a chance one day and everything got easier. I opened up a tiny bit, and got awesome awesome support from some new friends.

No guarantee that you'll have that exact same experience. This is just my story about taking a chance.

If you can type it, you can say it. Just because you say Yes, doesn't mean you have to be married to the group forever. Its risky for you, I can see, but you've gone through a lot thus far in life, and that means you're strong enough.

lol this is what my girl friend told me to do. She's like "dude it's not that hard... call again!" "it's not rocket science". For me, asking for help is VERY hard. Even to call a therapist to begin therapy is hard for me. I have a lot of shame in asking for help. and I try very hard to get on along without therapy and without medication and i've had issues since age 12... I don't think most people in my situation would have coped like I have without help.

So, for me calling to ask for help. I have so much anxiety even leaving her a voicemail- I called 12x and hung up before I finally was able to leave her a voicemail. When I did, and she doesn't call back, then I don't feel validated and don't want to try again. Iknow that sounds dramatic but that's how I feel.

[QUOTE=Utterly;4102507


If you can type it, you can say it. Just because you say Yes, doesn't mean you have to be married to the group forever. Its risky for you, I can see, but you've gone through a lot thus far in life, and that means you're strong enough.[/QUOTE]

It's easier to type than say on a voicemail or in person!

It seems to me that you're both pushing away the idea of change, whilst simultaneously wanting the idea of change (if you didn't, you wouldn't be here, still listening.)

I'm not going to say anything more than that I have confidence in your taking the next step, whenever that might be.

I'm not sure if I'm understanding this sentence...but the way it's worded here, it could be interpreted that "I'll try to fit you in" and "give me a call in the morning" that maybe she was asking you to call her back in the morning? Not saying SHE would call you? I don't know I could be reading it wrong, but just throwing alternatives possibilities out

No she said I'll try to fit you in and I'll give you a call in the morning, and try you a couple times during the day and we can definitely at least talk on phone.

WELL no call. nothing. she forgot.

People are unreliable, true, so you have to learn to rely on yourself. Thing is though, those of us who never learned this skill as kids need somebody to help us learn as adults. We're never going to find a perfectly reliable T, just going to have to learn to live with a reliable-enough T, so we can learn to live with our reliable-enough selves in a reliable-enough world. It's a lot harder than it sounds...

Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

I definitely get it that her forgetting hurts. I mean it really really hurts when someone we think is there for us, committed to our healing and asking us to believe in their power to help us, forgets to do something for us that they promised. This has happened to me before and it stings soooooo bad. But, and this is a big but, I've learned over time that I have to think about what happened and weigh how much my need to "show that person" how much they hurt me is going to effect them in the long run. Reality is, our therapists work for us, they ask us to trust them with very delicate information, but they also do make mistakes. I don't know about you, but if I'm honest, I have to admit that there have been times when I've made a mistake that has hurt someone who trusted me and relied on me. . . I don't do it consistently, but it has happened.

If the person I've hurt walks away or quits being in contact with me, I'd feel bad, but over time, the sadness would heal over and I'd go on with life. I wouldn't spend my entire life thinking about what an awful person I am. I would have liked to have had the opportunity to apologize to the person and make amends, but if the person walks away and cuts off contact with me, then there isn't much I can do. From my own life, I've realized that when I've cut someone off, I've been the one to dwell on the issue and the one who made it into a huge painful mess that angers me and gnaws on my insides. I don't think the person I walked away from stewed in that mess like I did.

Being in a relationship with someone, therapist or anyone else, is about learning to trust BUT it is also about learning how to negotiate the ups and downs of relationships. EVERYONE makes mistakes and learning to deal with that is so important. It's about learning to tell someone when they have hurt you. I'll never forget the time I told my x therapist how much she hurt me by something she said. It was so hard to do, but I did it and I can not tell you how healing it was for me to hear her genuinely apologize to me and work with me to allow her to make amends. She wasn't defensive and she wasn't angry at my confrontation, she was genuinely open to understanding and accepting my feelings of being hurt.

I hope you go to your next session and tell her honestly and with passion how hurt you were when she failed to follow through on what she promised. Don't live in a stew of anger and resentment. It's one of the most important lessons all of us human beings need to learn-- how to communicate honestly! Hope it works out for you.

that's true.