[whateverforever1]

Hi. I just started therapy 4 weeks ago. I called the therapist yesterday to ask if I could come in again- tomorrow (today) as I was really depressed wanted to kill myself (but did not say that in VM). I also asked her about psych drugs. Anyways, she called me back later that night but I was already asleep saying hse could barely hear my voicemail but knew that it was me and knew that I wanted to come in tomorrow but that she was booked and would try, and give me a call in the morning. and to hang in there and she would make me feel better "i promise".

now flashforward she did not call me at all today. I feel really sad and want to terminate therapy. It took a lot for me to reach out and call anyways and ask that and then for her not to call the next day at all like she said she would to me means she doesn't care. I text a friend about it and she said "look you're just another patient she probably sees 100 people like you". well and it's true. it's just another person. who doesn't care. so what should I call and say I don't want to come anymore. ?

[HazelGirl]

I think that T's are busy. Don't throw everything away because of one mistake.

When u talk to your T do you feel Comfortable with her ? If so then stick with her like your friend said she has other people as well to work with and unless it's a big place they sometimes offer another T to help out .
Every place is going to be like that .

[whateverforever1]

Originally Posted by HazelGirl

I think that T's are busy. Don't throw everything away because of one mistake.

You're right they are. But now I don't want to talk to her or answer her phone call.

[HazelGirl]

Originally Posted by whateverforever1

You're right they are. But now I don't want to talk to her or answer her phone call.

But who are you really hurting if you do that?

[Utterly]

Originally Posted by whateverforever1

*SNIP*and would try*SNIP*

Hey whateverforever. I've often felt that my therapy til now was too infrequent, and I can see this is a problem for you too. Could I just ask how you came to the DBT therapist? Did you get referred or was this someone you found that happened to be a DBT therapist?

[guilloche]

Originally Posted by whateverforever1

You're right they are. But now I don't want to talk to her or answer her phone call.

Awww... I'm sorry. It hurts when we're waiting for our Ts to call back, we expect them to call back, we trust them to call back... then silence. Yuck.

Is it possible that something happened? That she really DOES care, but didn't call for some other reason? For example... maybe she had an emergency, or a problem with her phone? Maybe she was trying to clear up her schedule, move some things around, and didn't want to call you back until she had succeeded doing that?

I'd give her the benefit of the doubt, for now. In the past, I've assumed people don't care based on things they did (or didn't do) - and gotten angry and hurt, then found out later there was a good reason for what happened. Then, I end up feeling like an idiot. So, I'd try to hang in there and not quit yet, and be open to the possibility that there's a good reason. Then when you DO talk to her, you can check that out... just ask, "Hey T, you said you'd call me back, but I didn't hear from you. What happened?"

You can always be mad and quit later, if it turns out she did totally flake on you!

Good luck, I hope you hear back from her soon!

[whateverforever1]

Originally Posted by Nature1968

When u talk to your T do you feel Comfortable with her ? If so then stick with her like your friend said she has other people as well to work with and unless it's a big place they sometimes offer another T to help out .
Every place is going to be like that .

I know logically that you're right, but I feel really alone. Yes, when I see her I feel comfortable with her. But I only see her 1x a week .. I literally want to kill myself everyday, seeing her 1x a week doesn't help me very much.

[whateverforever1]

Originally Posted by Utterly

Hey whateverforever. I've often felt that my therapy til now was too infrequent, and I can see this is a problem for you too. Could I just ask how you came to the DBT therapist? Did you get referred or was this someone you found that happened to be a DBT therapist?

No I wasn't referred but a friend of mine is a therapist in new york and said she thought it would be good for me. I just googled the closest one to where I was living at the time. And it was her. I actually like her a lot, but I have a problem of taking small things very personally. Especially when people do not call or text back I take it to the extreme- that they don't care and they I won't talk to them ever again.

[whateverforever1]

Originally Posted by HazelGirl

But who are you really hurting if you do that?

you're right me, but it will now be uncomfortable for me to act like nothing happened. I also don't like confrontation and if I am to answer the phone call then what would I tell her?

[SoggySketti]

I don't know what to say or how to reply to this in that only if you are really not happy with your Therapist and you have only seen her 4x's, which imo is not a lot....then maybe you should get another Therapist and also ask your Psychiatrist about your medication.

I am so very sorry that you are suffering like this and hope the best for you. (hugs)

[HazelGirl]

As difficult and uncomfortable (and maybe even scary) as it is, the truth and how it affected you is always a good place to start.

[Musica91]

I think you have to determine for yourself what a reasonable amount of time is for her to get back to you.

If you're in true crisis, and your T drops the ball - find somebody else, even a friend - anybody.

Trust is important in therapy. If you feel you can't trust her, go out the door the same way you came in! (serious - I've had some pretty lame experiences myself)

There are dedicated T's and run of the mill T's - you want the dedicated kind - trust me. (don't we all?)

[Musica91]

I really believe therapists should only take on as many clients as they can truly handle.

And I think then they have to really work at gaining our trust. I think they need to make that a priority.

Without trust, therapy won't happen.

[whateverforever1]

Originally Posted by Musica91

I think you have to determine for yourself what a reasonable amount of time is for her to get back to you.

If you're in true crisis, and your T drops the ball - find somebody else, even a friend - anybody.

Trust is important in therapy. If you feel you can't trust her, go out the door the same way you came in! (serious - I've had some pretty lame experiences myself)

There are dedicated T's and run of the mill T's - you want the dedicated kind - trust me. (don't we all?)

I was in a crisis before and she was great. I've been seeing her for 4 weeks and the last 2 weeks have been crisis. I feel she is probably sick of me or thinks I am a fluke. I don't know. But I came to her after a LONG time of suffering after a lot of things have been messed up. I'm not on any medications and I am suffering a lot. I think maybe she thinks I am exaggerating.

[Utterly]

Originally Posted by whateverforever1

No I wasn't referred but a friend of mine is a therapist in new york and said she thought it would be good for me. I just googled the closest one to where I was living at the time. And it was her. I actually like her a lot, but I have a problem of taking small things very personally. Especially when people do not call or text back I take it to the extreme- that they don't care and they I won't talk to them ever again.

When you see your DBT T does she do skill lessons with you? (I.E. check in for 15, review homework for 15 and learn a new skill with handouts/worksheets for 20-30 mins?) or less structured?

[whateverforever1]

Originally Posted by Utterly

When you see your DBT T does she do skill lessons with you? (I.E. check in for 15, review homework for 15 and learn a new skill with handouts/worksheets for 20-30 mins?) or less structured?

No, it's like regular therapy? I don't even know what's DBT about it.

[whateverforever1]

Originally Posted by guilloche

Awww... I'm sorry. It hurts when we're waiting for our Ts to call back, we expect them to call back, we trust them to call back... then silence. Yuck.

Is it possible that something happened? That she really DOES care, but didn't call for some other reason? For example... maybe she had an emergency, or a problem with her phone? Maybe she was trying to clear up her schedule, move some things around, and didn't want to call you back until she had succeeded doing that?

I'd give her the benefit of the doubt, for now. In the past, I've assumed people don't care based on things they did (or didn't do) - and gotten angry and hurt, then found out later there was a good reason for what happened. Then, I end up feeling like an idiot. So, I'd try to hang in there and not quit yet, and be open to the possibility that there's a good reason. Then when you DO talk to her, you can check that out... just ask, "Hey T, you said you'd call me back, but I didn't hear from you. What happened?"

You can always be mad and quit later, if it turns out she did totally flake on you!

Good luck, I hope you hear back from her soon!

You seem like a nice person. You're right. Something could have happened, but I doubt it. I bet she is sick of me. As the last 2 weeks I have called her multiple times outside of session and she has been very kind actually... always called in to check on me, ect. Maybe she was expecting me to call her back? I don't really know. The last call was from her saying she would try to get me an appointment and call me back during her other appointments during the day even just to talk- well she never did. I don't think she takes me very seriously. I'm going to tell her I'm not coming ever again.

[Utterly]

Originally Posted by whateverforever1

No, it's like regular therapy? I don't even know what's DBT about it.

Its likely a dialectical style (which I'll explain later.) A therapy hour really isn't enough time to do skill training. The thing is... you mentioned how difficult it was to go just this single time during the week when you have this constant depression and (now) suicidal thoughts all week long.

DBT is one of the ways that constant distressing thoughts can be calmed down. The way its done is by learning skills of emotional regulation, distress tolerance, interpersonal effectiveness and surrounding everything, mindfulness.

A dialectic is about a balance vs either/or - good/bad etc. Dialectics add an "and" to difficult situations, broadening the situation, allowing it to work for you.

For instance:

it was difficult for many many DBT participants to join and stick with the group AND learning DBT skills has helped them live less distressing, more fulfilling lives

[whateverforever1]

Originally Posted by Utterly

Its likely a dialectical style (which I'll explain later.) A therapy hour really isn't enough time to do skill training. The thing is... you mentioned how difficult it was to go just this single time during the week when you have this constant depression and (now) suicidal thoughts all week long.

DBT is one of the ways that constant distressing thoughts can be calmed down. The way its done is by learning skills of emotional regulation, distress tolerance, interpersonal effectiveness and surrounding everything, mindfulness.

A dialectic is about a balance vs either/or - good/bad etc. Dialectics add an "and" to difficult situations, broadening the situation, allowing it to work for you.

For instance:

it was difficult for many many DBT participants to join and stick with the group AND learning DBT skills has helped them live less distressing, more fulfilling lives

It sounds interesting enough. Well, whatever she's doing seems like normal therapy to me. She just sits there and listens to me.

Yes, it is difficult for me to go through even a week... even a few days. It's been months of me having severe depression and it gets worse. She said the only thing that will help is medication for me. Who knows. Anyways, it doesn't matter because she is too busy and doesn't care and when I reached out via telephone telling her can I come in because I was so depressed and suicidal she did not bother to find me a time to come in. So I am dropping out. As in most things in life, nobody can really help you but yourself. I don't see the point in having another person disappoint me.

[Utterly]

Originally Posted by whateverforever1

I don't see the point in having another person disappoint me.

You're looking for someone to respond to your pain. Your therapist didn't this time, and that just sucks... because you're left with the pain.

Can I ask if you've had an expectation like this, and been disappointed before? I guess moreso, does it happen a lot, that people disappoint you?

[whateverforever1]

Originally Posted by Utterly

You're looking for someone to respond to your pain. Your therapist didn't this time, and that just sucks... because you're left with the pain.

Can I ask if you've had an expectation like this, and been disappointed before? I guess moreso, does it happen a lot, that people disappoint you?

I guess so, yes.

Yes, I'm always disappointed by people. And I take their actions really personally even if they're not meant to be.

[Utterly]

Originally Posted by whateverforever1

I guess so, yes.

Yes, I'm always disappointed by people. And I take their actions really personally even if they're not meant to be.

So... would you agree you've already been down the path where you take it personally and give up?

One options is basically to find the perfect therapist who never disappoints (which, ask around, doesn't exist.)

Another possibility is to do something a little different this time. Just to try something out. You're stuck with this depression and clearly want to get help (you're reaching out on the phone, right?)

[whateverforever1]

Originally Posted by Utterly

So... would you agree you've already been down the path where you take it personally and give up?

One options is basically to find the perfect therapist who never disappoints (which, ask around, doesn't exist.)

Another possibility is to do something a little different this time. Just to try something out. You're stuck with this depression and clearly want to get help (you're reaching out on the phone, right?)

Yes, my last therapist I had I didn't like because she was late. She would always come in about 15 minutes late. So for example if my apt. was 4pm she would come in at 4:15 (and she didn't have another client there she would literally walk in 15 minutes late).

I don't know what it is I take things very personally.

I guess I should just not go to therapy at all.

[HazelGirl]

Originally Posted by whateverforever1

Yes, my last therapist I had I didn't like because she was late. She would always come in about 15 minutes late. So for example if my apt. was 4pm she would come in at 4:15 (and she didn't have another client there she would literally walk in 15 minutes late).

I don't know what it is I take things very personally.

I guess I should just not go to therapy at all.

Or maybe you can look at yourself and realize it's probably not personal, and that you value your health enough to break those habits of running away when things aren't perfect.