[ScarletPimpernel]

My clever insurance and T have found away for me to attend DBT group for about 3 months. I'm terrified!

My Pdoc goes on maternity leave at the end of Feb for 3 months. So...while she's on leave I will go be a patient with the county so I can have access to their groups.

I don't want to go! But I have to I know DBT will be helpful, but I don't want to be in a group. I hate groups. And I hate county. It is suck a rundown scary place. Most of their clients scare me. Most of the employees are interns. More than likely I will be judged for having BPD. And I don't feel safe with men.

I am panicking. I know I don't have to stay if I don't want to. But if I don't try, then I feel like I'm not putting in enough effort to better myself. I don't want to frustrate or disappoint anyone.

I'm so scared.

Any advice? Or positive experiences?

[HazelGirl]

It's possible it will be dreadful.

But it's also possible it will be incredibly helpful, and you will come away a million times better.

Don't shoot it down before you get there.

You say you have to go - why is that? Can't you get individual therapy with someone else while your pdoc is away?

[guilloche]

Originally Posted by ScarletPimpernel

I know DBT will be helpful, but I don't want to be in a group. I hate groups. And I hate county. It is suck a rundown scary place. Most of their clients scare me. Most of the employees are interns. More than likely I will be judged for having BPD. And I don't feel safe with men.

Oh wow, ScarletPimpernel! I hear that you're scared, and it sounds a bit overwhelming... but wow. It's kind of a really neat opportunity, in a way.

So, here's what I think.

- I've seen a couple people here applying DBT techniques in their posts, and I've been impressed. It looks like it has the potential to be really helpful (though if you're only there for 3 months, I wonder what part of DBT you'll be learning?). I hope some of these people chime in, because I have no experience with DBT... I've just noticed people talking about it here.

- You mentioned being worried about being judged, but did you know, DBT specifically has a "nonjudgemental stance"? So, if they're judging you, they're doing it wrong! Does that help, even a tiny bit, in not worrying too much about being judged?

- Groups are scary for me too. But, it sucks to miss out on something that's potentially helpful because of fear! Maybe everyone there will be a bit nervous about the group? Maybe you can sit in the back, and just sort of get a feel for the group on the first day? Could you bring some sort of comfort/stress relief item with you to play with (I've been wearing a pretty bracelet that stretches to therapy, to distract myself when it gets too scary - I love it!)? Maybe there's something else that your T can suggest to help you feel a bit safer if you go?

- The other thing about safety... if it's a rundown place with scary clients, do you want to bring something like pepper spray? I've said it before, but I brought pepper spray to my first meeting with my current T, since he was a man, and I didn't have a referral (so no one vouching for him). I assumed he would be fine... but just in case... I had it right in my pocket, so I didn't need to dig around in my purse for it, *just in the very unlikely event* that something happened, and I needed to escape quickly. It helped me feel a little more calm, because I had a plan.

I hope you can do it! I get the fear... I'm pretty much fearful about *everything* - but this *could* be such a great learning experience. What kind of commitment do they require? Do you know if it's possible to go the first class, and then bail if it's too awful?

[ScarletPimpernel]

Originally Posted by Mastodon

You say you have to go - why is that? Can't you get individual therapy with someone else while your pdoc is away?

I have a Pdoc and a T. Pdoc is pregnant. I don't HAVE to go, per se. But my T and Pdoc have been trying to find me a DBT group for awhile now. It's either been too expensive, I live in the wrong city, or I'd have to get rid of my Pdoc. Since my Pdoc won't be here for 3 months anyways, I can leave my Pdoc for those 3 month to have access to DBT.

My T and Pdoc and insurance feel that it's an important aspect of treatment for me. One, I have BPD...not the typical case, but enough symptoms that DBT would help (and I agree). They also want me in a group for exposure therapy because I suffer from agoraphobia. I could simply teach myself DBT, but it's not just the skills they want me to learn.

I have to go because I want to be better. I have to go because this might be the only chance I get at a DBT group. And I have to go because my insurance is requiring me to go if they are going to continue paying for my individual therapy.

[ScarletPimpernel]

Originally Posted by guilloche

Oh wow, ScarletPimpernel! I hear that you're scared, and it sounds a bit overwhelming... but wow. It's kind of a really neat opportunity, in a way.

So, here's what I think.

- I've seen a couple people here applying DBT techniques in their posts, and I've been impressed. It looks like it has the potential to be really helpful (though if you're only there for 3 months, I wonder what part of DBT you'll be learning?). I hope some of these people chime in, because I have no experience with DBT... I've just noticed people talking about it here.

- You mentioned being worried about being judged, but did you know, DBT specifically has a "nonjudgemental stance"? So, if they're judging you, they're doing it wrong! Does that help, even a tiny bit, in not worrying too much about being judged?

- Groups are scary for me too. But, it sucks to miss out on something that's potentially helpful because of fear! Maybe everyone there will be a bit nervous about the group? Maybe you can sit in the back, and just sort of get a feel for the group on the first day? Could you bring some sort of comfort/stress relief item with you to play with (I've been wearing a pretty bracelet that stretches to therapy, to distract myself when it gets too scary - I love it!)? Maybe there's something else that your T can suggest to help you feel a bit safer if you go?

- The other thing about safety... if it's a rundown place with scary clients, do you want to bring something like pepper spray? I've said it before, but I brought pepper spray to my first meeting with my current T, since he was a man, and I didn't have a referral (so no one vouching for him). I assumed he would be fine... but just in case... I had it right in my pocket, so I didn't need to dig around in my purse for it, *just in the very unlikely event* that something happened, and I needed to escape quickly. It helped me feel a little more calm, because I had a plan.

I hope you can do it! I get the fear... I'm pretty much fearful about *everything* - but this *could* be such a great learning experience. What kind of commitment do they require? Do you know if it's possible to go the first class, and then bail if it's too awful?

Ty! Those are some great suggestions. I do have pepper spray! It might be expired though (it's 9 years old ). And I do have a bracelet to fiddle with (the key ring strechy type). I don't know if I'll be able to sit in the back. I hope so.

The type of clients they have there are mostly people with Schizophrenia... I don't mind parnoid Schizophrenia, but psychotic Schizophrenia I mind. I lived with both when I was 18-20. I don't want to go back to that place. It makes me feel like I'm going back to that time. I never fit in there when I was younger, and I'm afraid I'm not going to fit in again. What if the staff treat me like I'm a "typical borderline"? What if the clients see me as too high functioning? This place doesn't treat people with BPD.

Btw, if you're wondering how I know, I went there ~6 months ago to try to access their groups.

I don't know how the group works...if I have to commit to x amount of time. I won't know what module they'll be on. I know distress tolerance will be the most helpful, then emotional regulation, then core mindfulness. Least helpful will be interpersonal effectiveness.

But I'm just mostly afraid of the people...in general. I can barely stand the grocery store. Hell, I can barely stand going for a walk in my neighborhood.

I know it will be good for me. And I already promised I would try it out. My T said she would be proud if I simply walk through the door. But that doesn't take away any fear.

I will be talking to my T about it. I have about a month before I'm expected to go down there and do an assessment. I wish my T would come with Maybe I can convince her to give me something to hold onto? Or bribe me somehow. Bribes work for me

I'm sorry - I did not realise that you were already convinced that it would be good for you. In that case there seems to be no need to seek alternatives. I would just hate to see somebody think that they had no choice in the matter, if they genuinely did not believe it would be beneficial for them.

[stopdog]

Good luck. I would not do a group ever - but it seems like some people find them useful. I hope that is the case for you.

[ScarletPimpernel]

Originally Posted by Mastodon

I'm sorry - I did not realise that you were already convinced that it would be good for you. In that case there seems to be no need to seek alternatives. I would just hate to see somebody think that they had no choice in the matter, if they genuinely did not believe it would be beneficial for them.

Yeah it's needs vs wants. I need to go, but I don't want to go.

[guilloche]

Originally Posted by ScarletPimpernel

Ty! Those are some great suggestions. I do have pepper spray! It might be expired though (it's 9 years old ). And I do have a bracelet to fiddle with (the key ring strechy type). I don't know if I'll be able to sit in the back. I hope so.

The type of clients they have there are mostly people with Schizophrenia... I don't mind parnoid Schizophrenia, but psychotic Schizophrenia I mind. I lived with both when I was 18-20. I don't want to go back to that place. It makes me feel like I'm going back to that time. I never fit in there when I was younger, and I'm afraid I'm not going to fit in again. What if the staff treat me like I'm a "typical borderline"? What if the clients see me as too high functioning? This place doesn't treat people with BPD.

Btw, if you're wondering how I know, I went there ~6 months ago to try to access their groups.

I don't know how the group works...if I have to commit to x amount of time. I won't know what module they'll be on. I know distress tolerance will be the most helpful, then emotional regulation, then core mindfulness. Least helpful will be interpersonal effectiveness.

But I'm just mostly afraid of the people...in general. I can barely stand the grocery store. Hell, I can barely stand going for a walk in my neighborhood.

I know it will be good for me. And I already promised I would try it out. My T said she would be proud if I simply walk through the door. But that doesn't take away any fear.

I will be talking to my T about it. I have about a month before I'm expected to go down there and do an assessment. I wish my T would come with Maybe I can convince her to give me something to hold onto? Or bribe me somehow. Bribes work for me

People, especially in big groups, scare me too! At least in a class they should be somewhat organized and quiet (versus milling around getting in your space, like they do at the grocery store).

I'm glad you have a month to prepare yourself! Hopefully your T can work with you on some other helpful strategies?

Oh... and you asked, "what if they treat me like a typical borderline?" - do you have something specific in mind? I'm having a little trouble imagining what behaviors they might take towards you, if they think you're a typical borderline (or were you more worried about the judgement?)?

Either way, I think you just go in and be your wonderful normal self and let them see that you're NOT a typical anything, and that you're there to learn new skills, like everyone else. Even if they initially think "uh-oh, scary borderline person! What will we do?!" - when they see that you're there to do the work and learn the skills, and that you're not throwing things at people (I assume you're not planning to throw things at people, right? ) - I don't see how that judgement on their part can LAST. Basically, it should just go *poof*! Like, "Oh wow, we thought she might be a handful with that BPD diagnosis, but gosh, she's the nicest one in the whole group!"

And, I'm sorry that it feels like you're going back to a painful period of your life (if I understood correctly?). I know that feeling... it does suck. I have no good advice for that one, other than realize it's not forever... and you're not the same person you were then.

Oh, and YAY for pepper spray !!!

[ScarletPimpernel]

Originally Posted by guilloche

Oh... and you asked, "what if they treat me like a typical borderline?" - do you have something specific in mind? I'm having a little trouble imagining what behaviors they might take towards you, if they think you're a typical borderline (or were you more worried about the judgement?)?

And, I'm sorry that it feels like you're going back to a painful period of your life (if I understood correctly?). I know that feeling... it does suck. I have no good advice for that one, other than realize it's not forever... and you're not the same person you were then.

I've had many people accuse me of being manipulative or a liar. I have been told that I enjoy drama. I've even had my sanity questioned. I've even had the opposite happen and told that I'm making up my mental health issues. People assume I have inappropriate boundaries. They just assume I have symptoms that I don't have or am more severe than I am.

I was part of the county's system back when I was 18. While I had an awesome T while there, the rest was horrible. I had Pdoc's who told me I'm fat, was b.s.ing, was telling me how to live my life. I had a counselor who yelled at me telling me to "stop being borderline". I had a 50ish man hit on me. A roommate who flipped out on me because she thought her ex-husband was going to kill her daughter. I've had clients lie about me saying I was harming myself when I wasn't. It was hell for me.

I have worked hard to get out of that system and away from those people. And now I'm going back... I know it's temporary, but it's scary. I wish I could afford a private group. If I had a private group, my T could be more actively involved too.

[guilloche]

Wow... I'm so sorry ScarletPimpernel. That sounds awful and definitely makes it much more clear why you're feeling so nervous about going back. I'm sorry!