Am I expecting too much?

Back on Dec. 4th, I told my old t that I had decided that this would be my last session with her. Her cancer and chemo issue was too much for me to handle and I just couldn't get past the thought: "How can I come in and whine about my stupid s**t when she's fighting for her life". Her response what exactly what I expected. "I don't think your s**t is stupid".
She asked if I was sure that was what I wanted to do and how did I feel about that. I said I wasn't sure. We ended and she said she was sorry it was so hard on me and to call her if I needed anything. I'm going to add a side note here. She does not touch clients. No handshake, nothing. No texting, no email access for clients. Only phone calls, and leave a message. She always calls back, but that was the only means of communication outside of sessions. Really? 13 yrs - no hug.
I have a very hard time is session saying the words to explain what I'm thinking and feeling, so in order to get all the thoughts in my head out, I wrote a letter to her. It was more of a purging of thoughts, but it was all about how I felt about her and her illness, how it affected me (emotionally and physically), and why I had to end our 13 yrs of working together (I'm not going to say relationship).
I showed the letter to my new t (t2) and we talked a little about it. She said it was beautifully written and she could tell it was from the heart.
It took me a week after that, but I finally mailed it to t1.
I kind of expected some sort of response. She got the letter last week (17th or 18th). I'm I hoping for too much?
T2 and t1 have talked to each other (I signed a release), and that's how I know she got it. All t2 told me about their conversation was that t1 got the letter and all she said was "Wow. There's a lot of emotion there".
Now I keep hearing those words in my head in her (t1) voice, over and over and over.
Did she just wash her hands of me now that I have a new t? I just don't know what to think.

Unfortunately, I think she is going to respect you ending therapy and not contact you. From everything I've read, that's what most T's do even if they feel the desire to contact you - they try to respect your decision. If they kept contacting us after ending, it would be harder on us and they wouldn't want that.

I think the only way to find out about the letter is to maybe have one more session? Maybe you needed to have an actual termination process to go through the feelings you had and be able to say what you need to. But, really think hard about what you would want from that last session?

I think in cases like yours, it's all about having regrets. Regrets that we didn't say or do what we needed to. It sounds painful and I'm sorry you're having to go through this. I'm glad you have another T. with whom to discuss it.

In this situation I would not expect a response. Most Ts do not contact clients once they've terminated, so you'd need an appointment if you what any communication with her.

I'm sure she appreciated the letter but there isn't really much that she can say as a response. I'm glad you have another T to process your feelings with since it is very difficult.

i think she will probably just accept it. which is hard, i know.

I think she would not want to interfere with what you have going with your current therapist and might see that as the place for you to work through your painful feelings. You've terminated with her and she is focusing on her health/recovery. It probably helps her to know you've got a place to process all of this.

Because you ended therapy, she probably won't contact you. If you want to talk to her again, you will probably need to call and set an appointment.

I don't think you are expecting too much. I think, to respond to your letter would be a normal human reaction that anyone would expect. It does sound very hurtful after 13 years of knowing you and I absolutely understand why you are hurting. I would be hurting too. I am really sorry this happened to you. I can't speculate on why your old T didn't respond and what her thought process was, but it's perfectly normal to expect a response in this situation and also to respond to the letter. So, I guess, I just want to validate how you are feeling and that you are not expecting too much. You are expecting what every normal person would expect.

If I had cancer and a patient left me after thirteen years because of it I would assume they had moved on and probably would have more important things to do the week before Christmas than to write to them.

This is what I feel is that she is happy that u have moved on to another t

If she had such very strict boundaries during therapy, I think it's safe to assume she may just not keep in touch with clients at all after termination. I think the safest would be to ask the therapist on the last session what their policies are about post-termination contact, otherwise you could try calling and asking about it.

There's one other aspect I haven't seen in the responses so far. I mean, she has cancer and is undergoing chemo treatment, right? She may feel weak and overwhelmed with her own emotions. I think it's a sign of great strength that she can keep working as a therapist even while facing all this. It's not emotional just for you but also for her and the ways this must be affecting her whole life are a reason in and of themselves not to react so quickly, especially to a letter coming from a former client. There are many possible reasons why she hasn't replied yet and maybe won't (though maybe she will). Some reasons may have to do with you being a former client and I imagine there might also be reasons related to her being a human being dealing with an awful illness.

I realize this must be extremely difficult for you too. I imagine this therapist has been like a safe place for you for the past 13 years and that's a lot of time and perhaps a lot of trust. You have invested a lot in this therapy even if you won't call it a relationship. No, I don't think it's too much at all to expect some form of feedback from your former therapist after pouring your heart out and after all the courage it took you after all these years. Just realize though that you may or may not get it - maybe she needs to process things first so she won't give you a rushed answer or maybe she just isn't going to reply at all. If it's important to you, the safest bet would be to take initiative, call her and ask about it, perhaps have a few more termination sessions. Some therapists advise their clients to have 2 to 4 termination sessions after a much shorter time of working together, exactly because it can be so complex to leave, and in your and your former therapist's situation perhaps even more so.

Or perhaps you might like to wait until the holidays are over, see if maybe you get a response in the meantime and also get a chance to talk to your new therapist before deciding on your next move (if any).

Anyway, I wish you the best in your therapeutic journey with your new therapist!

First of all, thanks for the different points of view. I guess I just want something to hang on to even though I cut things off.
T1 rearranged her office hours around her chemo. Still, I don't know how I could get past her illness and keep working with her.
My next appointment with t2 is not for another week. Not sure it's worth contacting her before then. I hate this over thinking things.
thanks again for your responses. Hugs to all.