[PaulaS]

Now when it´s New Years Eve I´m thinking of the year to come and I of course also think of my T. She terminated me but I still miss her and I´m still in pain over the termination.

The question has probably been asked in here before but I think there are quite a lot of us who misses their former T:s and now thinking about how "getting over" them.

I know one way is to talk about the termination with a new T but during searching for one, how did you manage to at least partly ease the pain and longing?

What thoughts do you have around your termination during large holidays like Christmas and New Year´s Eve? Do you miss your T more during holidays?

Distractions work brilliantly. Seeing friends, watching a movie - more importantly, being close to people.

I think part of the attachment to our therapists is the closeness we crave when they arent there. They know so much about us, they are accompanying us on our journeys.

So i find that being close to other people really helps. Strengthening relationships - definitely friends, significant others, family, making new friends.

Coincidence that you posted this. I haven't seen T for the past few weeks and with the holidays I too feel a longing and crave closeness.

One of my resolutions for the New Year is to try to think a lot less about therapy and get my mind unstuck on T1/T2. I'm practicing re-directing my thoughts. Whenever I think about therapy and T in a way that makes me anxious or unhappy, I focus on my husband and children. I'll remember the happiest times with them such as the children's births, birthday parties, and Christmas mornings. You could also focus on a favorite movie or TV show. Funny parts are probably the most effective! The important thing isn't what the happy memory is, but shifting mental gears. Though something can be said for a proper grieving period and acceptance of feelings, excessive dwelling can be really destructive. That's sort of where I'm at right now. Since this is a resolution, there's still a lot of work I need to do

I hope this helps, and I'm so sorry you are hurting. I'm still raw after terming with T1 and it's been over 6 months, so you're in good company.

[PaulaS]

Yes, I agree to that but that requires you have those kind of contacts. I have noone that I feel that close to whom I can contact to so to speak miss my T less. I watch movies and so on to distract myself from thinking too much of my T and the termination but that doesn´t work all the time.

I quite often end up crying when gone to sleep and I can feel like burst into tears when I think of something she said that made me happy. When I think about how to find a new T, I´ve already tried a few times, I nearly can feel dispair and even more longing for my former T.

Originally Posted by 8888an8888

Distractions work brilliantly. Seeing friends, watching a movie - more importantly, being close to people.

I think part of the attachment to our therapists is the closeness we crave when they arent there. They know so much about us, they are accompanying us on our journeys.

So i find that being close to other people really helps. Strengthening relationships - definitely friends, significant others, family, making new friends.

[PaulaS]

Yes, I think you to some extent can do this to distract yourself. Of course it´s a individual matter, I don´t dismiss what you say. Some things works for some people and not for others.

I agree with the dwelling thing, too much could prolonge the mourning. I´ve missed my T for a couple of months now and I think it partly has to do with that I´m still without a new T.

Do you speak a lot about your former T with your new T? What does your new T say/do when you speak about your former T? What does he or she suggest if anything? Do you feel you miss your former T less when you got into therapy with your new T?

Originally Posted by Clementine K

Coincidence that you posted this. I haven't seen T for the past few weeks and with the holidays I too feel a longing and crave closeness.

One of my resolutions for the New Year is to try to think a lot less about therapy and get my mind unstuck on T1/T2. I'm practicing re-directing my thoughts. Whenever I think about therapy and T in a way that makes me anxious or unhappy, I focus on my husband and children. I'll remember the happiest times with them such as the children's births, birthday parties, and Christmas mornings. You could also focus on a favorite movie or TV show. Funny parts are probably the most effective! The important thing isn't what the happy memory is, but shifting mental gears. Though something can be said for a proper grieving period and acceptance of feelings, excessive dwelling can be really destructive. That's sort of where I'm at right now. Since this is a resolution, there's still a lot of work I need to do

I hope this helps, and I'm so sorry you are hurting. I'm still raw after terming with T1 and it's been over 6 months, so you're in good company.

Originally Posted by PaulaS

Yes, I think you to some extent can do this to distract yourself. Of course it´s a individual matter, I don´t dismiss what you say. Some things works for some people and not for others.

I agree with the dwelling thing, too much could prolonge the mourning. I´ve missed my T for a couple of months now and I think it partly has to do with that I´m still without a new T.

Do you speak a lot about your former T with your new T? What does your new T say/do when you speak about your former T? What does he or she suggest if anything? Do you feel you miss your former T less when you got into therapy with your new T?

A new T does help, and I do speak a lot about former T with new T. Our way of handling I guess is talking about it until the power is gone, and distractions outside of therapy. It's terrible but now I have similar transference issues with new T. A talk is coming! The intensity isn't as strong as with old T so I can be happy about that. Transference is a sneaky beast. When I can get away from therapy all together I'll be very happy.

[PaulaS]

Ok, that´s somewhat reassuring and gives me a little more hope that I will be able to work through problems around termination and longing for my former T. I think it´s impossible to avoid transference but as long as your current T sees it and knows how to handle it, it should be a way to streighten things out.

Originally Posted by Clementine K

A new T does help, and I do speak a lot about former T with new T. Our way of handling I guess is talking about it until the power is gone, and distractions outside of therapy. It's terrible but now I have similar transference issues with new T. A talk is coming! The intensity isn't as strong as with old T so I can be happy about that. Transference is a sneaky beast. When I can get away from therapy all together I'll be very happy.

I filed a complaint against my therapist who was unethical. I suffered and struggled for over a year before I did this, but after I did it seemed to lift a burden from my shoulders. He needed to know he can't treat people like he treated me. I don't really care what happens. I'm just satisfied knowing he has to answer to someone for what he did.

[PaulaS]

Yes, I would perhaps file a complaint if I knew there were legal grounds for such a complaint. I know there arent´t and I therefore must find other ways to get over my T and to continue talking and working out issues and problems.

[Zippo]

When I was still seeing my ex-Pdoc, every time I thought about him it triggered a sense of comfort and company. In the two years since he left I think about him just as much but now the thoughts trigger a sense of sadness and loss instead. I've tried to stop but I feel so alone without the imaginary conversations - free therapy, and he always says exactly what I wanted him to say.

[iGottaBme]

For me, I stopped blaming myself and began looking more realistically at my therapy and what worked and what didn't. I realized that I need a trauma T. It wasn't my former Ts fault or mine. It was never going to work or end well because I wasn't in the right kind of T.

Man I have no idea. I just think about terminating and I become a mess. I have no idea how I'm going to get over my t once the time comes! I already have conversations with her in my head all the time, in addition to the real ones once a week. I wish you the best.

PaulaS - I'm sorry your T terminated with you. Mine did too. I have no ideas on getting over the pain because I am still in the midst of it. Only way I'm managing is one day at a time and attending AA meetings.

[Lauliza]

Aside from the distractions like watching movies and whatever else you can do to occupy your mind, you could write letters to your T. Not to mail them but to express your anger and how hurt you are. If there is a place online where you csn review your T (Vitals.com or Google) you could try that also. I've seen reviews of pdoc online- about half of which are not nice at all. And he told me he's seen the bad ones, so they don't always go unnoticed. That could be the next best thing to filing a complaint if you feel it's warrented.