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#1
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Friday was my 4th session with this new T. She had said at our first meeting that she likes to have a few sessions before deciding if it is a good fit and she feels she and the client can work well together and that doing that is for the client as well as for her. I like her and want to continue with her.
Friday she didn't write out an appointment card for me at the end of the session like she normally does. She said with her warm smile, "We'll just make this a standing weekly appointment for as long as you would like to come." And holding on to that verbal 'hug' of acceptance, I floated out the door. ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() |
#2
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#3
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That's a really nice moment. Your t choosing to work with you like that.
Becca |
#4
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That is fantastic!!! ((((ECHOES))))
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"Therapists are experts at developing therapeutic relationships." |
#5
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Echoes, Though I am very pleased for you, I must admit my stomach churned a little as I read. I mean how would you have felt if she had said "I;m sorry I don't feel we would be a good fit together?" That would have felt awful for you? I dunno maybe I'm out of line here but it just churned my stomach somewhat. I felt this T was putting a heavy weight onto your shoulders? as I say I am pleased for you. Had you had any worrys about this yourself?
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#6
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I am so glad both of you decided that it was a good fit.
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#7
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When I first saw my therapist I was bounced around on appointment times. I really felt good when I got a "standing appointment." It validated our commitment to work together. Great for you. I am happy for you!
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You don't have to fly straight... ![]() ...just keep it between the lines!
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#8
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</font><blockquote><div id="quote"><font class="small">Quote:</font>
mouse_ said: Echoes, Though I am very pleased for you, I must admit my stomach churned a little as I read. I mean how would you have felt if she had said "I;m sorry I don't feel we would be a good fit together?" That would have felt awful for you? I dunno maybe I'm out of line here but it just churned my stomach somewhat. I felt this T was putting a heavy weight onto your shoulders? as I say I am pleased for you. Had you had any worrys about this yourself? </div></font></blockquote><font class="post"> I understand what you mean Mouse-- I'm wondering how the T phrased it in the 1st session-- It would definitely put a weight on my shoulders, but that's probably just me because all I'd be thinking is "She's going to reject me, decide we aren' t a good fit..." BUT ANYWAY enough of my issues!!! Echoes, I'm so pleased that it did work out for you. That's a great feeling, to get that acceptance from your T, and to know you guys are definitely in it together. |
#9
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Happy for you Echos...feeling acceptance is a great warm fuzzy and it has been my experience that it really helps with the hard work that is done in therapy..again I am happy for you..thanx for sharing the good news..
![]() ![]() Evangelista
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Evangelista We dance round in a ring and suppose.. But the secret sits in the middle and knows.. Robert Frost |
#10
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That's great Echoes. It's awesome when we can feel their concern. I'm glad you felt that from her.
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My new blog http://www.thetherapybuzz.com "I am not obsessing, I am growing and healing can't you tell?" |
#11
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aww I'm very happy for you! That must have felt fantastic! (a real warm fuzzy
![]() I'm sure there's a weight off your mind too (I think many T's work that way and I can understand why..... but..... ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]()
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#12
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I did Mouse. When she said at our first meeting that she meets a person a few times to see how it goes, she said it with a matter-of-factness and kindness. Still, I was worried... like I had to impress her or be a certain way or something.
My online friend assured me it was for me as well as for her and that there was no pressure to be a certan way, just to go and be myself. Having just left a T who was not a good fit it did make sense to me; I didn't want to waste months again spending time trying to make the relationship something it wasn't ever going to be so I knew this was really a good idea. Still I worried and when I called her after our 2nd meeting I knew she was what I'd been looking for and I had to ask what she thought so far. I needed know what direction it was taking. She told me then she thought we could work well together... but until she said that about the standing appointment... I didn't really feel it. Now I feel like I'm "hers" and she's "mine" if you know what I mean.. at least for that hour every week. I like talking to her as opposed to the guided imagery/hypnotherapy of the former T. This is personal and accepting and I just love being there with her. |
#13
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Thank you very much everyone!
I don't have many warm and fuzzy moments in my life and this really was special to me. It's so sweet that I can come here and share it with you... and get even warmer and fuzzier! I love you guys. ![]() ECHOES |
#14
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</font><blockquote><div id="quote"><font class="small">Quote:</font>
mouse_ said: Echoes, Though I am very pleased for you, I must admit my stomach churned a little as I read. I mean how would you have felt if she had said "I;m sorry I don't feel we would be a good fit together?" That would have felt awful for you? I dunno maybe I'm out of line here but it just churned my stomach somewhat. I felt this T was putting a heavy weight onto your shoulders? as I say I am pleased for you. Had you had any worrys about this yourself? </div></font></blockquote><font class="post"> I felt the same thing, Mouse. I'm so glad it worked out well, but if I had been in that situation and the therapist had decided not to continue with me, I would have felt personally rejected... and it would have been hard for me to deal with and would have made me scared to try another therapist -- because I would be feeling like I'm not even good enough to get a therapist to accept me. It was SO hard for me to seek therapy in the first place. I can't imagine how I would have reacted if my therapist had rejected me. It's an odd thing for a therapist to do, IMO. It seems insensitive to me and could be traumatic for someone who is already in a fragile state. I think it's great that the therapist wants to work with people she feels she can help, but I wonder if there's a better way to accomplish this... without risking damaging a patient by rejecting them and possibly causing setbacks in their recovery.
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“Almost everything you do will seem insignificant, but it is important that you do it." - Mahatma Gandhi |
#15
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</font><blockquote><div id="quote"><font class="small">Quote:</font>
ECHOES said: Thank you very much everyone! I don't have many warm and fuzzy moments in my life and this really was special to me. It's so sweet that I can come here and share it with you... and get even warmer and fuzzier! I love you guys. ![]() ECHOES </div></font></blockquote><font class="post"> I'm very happy for you, Echoes. Warm fuzzies are wonderful, aren't they? We all need more warm fuzzies! ![]()
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“Almost everything you do will seem insignificant, but it is important that you do it." - Mahatma Gandhi |
#16
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Thanks for sharing such a significant and sweet moment from your life, ECHOES. A toast to a long, happy, and healing journey with the new T!
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__________________
"Therapists are experts at developing therapeutic relationships." |
#17
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I recently did have my therapist say she no longer wanted to work with me, because I wasn't making any progress. She did recommend another therapist who specializes in bipolar. I didn't feel rejected--more like I was a failure for not making any progress--I posted about it & said I "flunked" therapy. That's more of the feeling I have. I got an F in therapy & didn't even get the "though you made a good effort" comment that teachers would sometimes write on my report card when I had a low grade.
I have an appt. with the new t in May.--Suzy |
#18
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That is great Echoes.
Isn't it that much nicer to work with someone who WANTS to work with you than to work with someone who just accepts any client who turns up? I'm reminded of a phrase: Nothing risked nothing gained. It was a risk to go and see her for 4 sessions not knowing whether she would agree to keep working with you or not. I mean, from her perspective it is mostly about whether she thinks you can profitably work together or not but I do understand that from your perspective it is about whether she will accept or reject you. But she did accept you and she does think that you can profitably work together. And that is a huge gain. Maybe... It makes the risk worthwhile? |
#19
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I remember when I called my T after 9 years (I'd seen her for 9 years 9 years before :-) and made an appointment and we finally got together again, at the end of the first session she asked me did I think we could work well together?!!!! I mumbled something about either that or I was jumping off the nearest bridge :-)
I think it's hard to want something and have its outcome "up in the air" and so casual; I forget and don't trust that my judgment is pretty sound and what I think will work, others usually think will work too :-)
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"Never give a sword to a man who can't dance." ~Confucius |
#20
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alexandra, I liked your spin on ECHOES' experience: nothing risked, nothing gained. It is indeed wonderful to know one's T chose to work with you.
ECHOES, I hope you will tell us more about how you like the psychoanalytic/psychodynamic approach when you are ready. Perna, was your T surprised to see you turn up after 9 years? Did you have any contact at all with her during that gap (running into her at the grocery store)? When I saw my first counselor, I think she was obligated to continue seeing me because I found her through my EAP and she was under contract. With my current T, who is such a good match for me, I kind of lucked onto him. I got in to see him the first time through a recommendation from a close colleague of his, who happened to drop his name when he (the colleague) had lunch with a sibling of mine, who then passed his name onto me. I didn't realize how highly sought after my T was and got in just because of this fortuitous connection. It was a month between our first and second sessions, and it never occurred to me he wouldn't accept me as a client because of my experience with my first counselor. Now that I know how it works better and how long his waiting list is, I feel effing lucky. Like somewhere out there in the ether, someone was pulling strings for me. My T said after the first couple of sessions that he liked working with me because I was so direct and honest. Ha. ![]()
__________________
"Therapists are experts at developing therapeutic relationships." |
#21
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ak,
yes it was about acceptance for me. have to know it's there before trust can start. yet, had to trust to a degree to be able to say what I want and how I think, etc. I don't really feel like I achieved anything.i think she says that more to give the client a way to opt out if they don't care for her; to be able to say "Well, I don't think we will work well together" and end with closure and self-respect. at the same time, i lke that it is a statement of commitment. we are both choosing to do this and it feels good to know that she wants to be there too, like I do. |
#22
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lol Perna. Don't you dare jump!
The idea of both the client and therapist choosing to work with one another is new to me. I have had many T's in the past that never expressed an opinion about it. It is something I"ve recently learned about and is supposed to be something a good T does. I think it is a personal choice by the T and good T's do or do not do this, but it was an interesting experience and is a good way to start work with someone: with a commitment from both of us. I like that. |
#23
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Fuzzy! You have spoken! lol
Thanks. It feels good and I lke that it works this way. I like feeling that she is committed to me by her choice as well as my choice. It wasn't too much a weight, but it did help me to focus and maybe be more direct and honest (as in emotional honesty in session). ![]() ![]() ![]() xoxo |
#24
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Thank you Juliana. You are very kind.
And funny!--you cracked me up in another thread in your offering your... um... jukebox...to Faerody. Thank the Universe that Pat is ok! Yes we do need more warm fuzzies! I find then here, directly and indirectly. Gotta take them where you find them, right? The world needs more warm fuzzies. I wish I could send some out. Thanks for sharing my joy. ![]() |
#25
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echoes im so glad your new T is a good match! i think all T's should say that after a month or so. what a feeling of being valued and accepted!! wow!!
![]() and of course good for you for taking the risk in the first place. alex_k has said it perfectly with nothing risked nothing gained. this is a good example for everyone i guess. ![]() |
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