[PaulaS]

I´m looking for a new T and I´ve read about a lot of T:s, their backgrounds, their education, how long they´ve practised and sometimes I also got information about how and where they live, if they are in a relationship and if they have children.

Logically I understand a T has to be an educated person with a somewhat stable life but I compare myself to them anyway. I feel inferior and sad when I read about their private practises, often in quite posh areas in my city.

I´m unemployed and I see no end to that although I´ve studied at a university but unfortunately I´m no longer that convinced that I want to work in the area I´ve studied.

I´m 30+ and I´ve never had a relationship and even if I also found T:s living on their own, I know many of them have children and a partner and this also makes me feel inferiour.

When I go through T:s in my head, thinking of them and whom to choose and so on I imagine them at my age, most of them had then begun practising. Perhaps not in their own practise but they did work and they had "started a life". This makes me think "how could such a person even know anything about my struggle with unemployment and loneliness?"

I know it´s one of many things to talk about with a new T but I have no new T yet and my feelings of inferiority and sadness about my own situation sometimes makes me think it´s no use looking for a new T although I know I have to see someone.

Perhaps someone in here experienced the same or something like this?

Theres a quality my T has that I find hard to put into words, but I don't think anyone could feel an inferiority with her, it's kind of - you are a person and I am a person, end of story. All my feelings should be accepted as they are a part of who I am. I don't know if me writing this makes any sense or is helpful in any way, I'm kind of thinking that regardless in the difference in your lives you might find a T who has this attitude. My t would never feel sorry for me or try to protect me, my life is what it is.

I've felt hopeless about finding the right therapist, but I never compared myself to them; in fact, I don't think I even thought of them as better than I am. I'm there for myself only. I did have a dream that featured my therapist as fallible and very human. I shared it with her and she loved it, said she was very human, and that all therapists are fallible and imperfect in their lives.

Maybe you would feel better about your prospects if you didn't focus so much on the therapist personally and just looked for someone who knows what they're doing?

[PaulaS]

I think it´s a very good thing as a client to be able to don´t think of your T as better than you are. For me a T is always "better" when I compare myself to her as she has a job, I don´t, she has her own practise/company and in that respect she´s more successful than I am and so on.

It´s impossible for me to look at it in another way. I completely agree with T:s being fallible and human, they are but I´m still inferior to them. I can´t make anything out of my life whilst the T:s have.

What the T does, how she treats me and so on, does matter a lot to me but I can´t overlook the facts around what she has accomplished in life. It feels like I´ll never be able to succeed in such a way, for example be able to buy a nice flat as I know many T:s have.

Originally Posted by licketysplit

I've felt hopeless about finding the right therapist, but I never compared myself to them; in fact, I don't think I even thought of them as better than I am. I'm there for myself only. I did have a dream that featured my therapist as fallible and very human. I shared it with her and she loved it, said she was very human, and that all therapists are fallible and imperfect in their lives.

Maybe you would feel better about your prospects if you didn't focus so much on the therapist personally and just looked for someone who knows what they're doing?

[Gavinandnikki]

You may find a therapist that seems perfect for you - yet you feel inferior. But you like her, so you push through your feeling inferior.

3 months into your therapy, you discover she has advanced breast cancer.

Will you still feel inferior?

It's all relative, and feeling inferior is simply immaterial.

You work through your feelings of inferiority IN therapy.

You have to start therapy first.

[PaulaS]

Interesting aspect on this matter. No, a T:s education or skills won´t make me feel less inferior. Is it possible to fully like a person you feel inferior to?

In a situation of a T getting seriously ill, I´d be devastated and my feelings of inferiority would of course not be present but the situation is quite extreme. The normal thing is to have a T, you know about a lot of things you don´t have that she has and this is a bit of a problem for me. It partly stops me from being open and to speak freely about my issues.

At the same time, I know there´s nothing much to do about it in that aspect that a T could never be a person like myself - unemployed, insecure and so on because then she wouldn´t work as a T.

It´s as you say a thing you work with in therapy but to admit I feel inferior to for example her living in a nicer area than mine, I would feel so ashamed that it would be vary hard for me to continue seeing her.

Originally Posted by Gavinandnikki

You may find a therapist that seems perfect for you - yet you feel inferior. But you like her, so you push through your feeling inferior.

3 months into your therapy, you discover she has advanced breast cancer.

Will you still feel inferior?

It's all relative, and feeling inferior is simply immaterial.

You work through your feelings of inferiority IN therapy.

You have to start therapy first.

[Gavinandnikki]

Originally Posted by PaulaS

Interesting aspect on this matter. No, a T:s education or skills won´t make me feel less inferior. Is it possible to fully like a person you feel inferior to?

In a situation of a T getting seriously ill, I´d be devastated and my feelings of inferiority would of course not be present but the situation is quite extreme. The normal thing is to have a T, you know about a lot of things you don´t have that she has and this is a bit of a problem for me. It partly stops me from being open and to speak freely about my issues.

At the same time, I know there´s nothing much to do about it in that aspect that a T could never be a person like myself - unemployed, insecure and so on because then she wouldn´t work as a T.

It´s as you say a thing you work with in therapy but to admit I feel inferior to for example her living in a nicer area than mine, I would feel so ashamed that it would be vary hard for me to continue seeing her.

Well, then. You have a lot of reasons to never get a new therapist. She may have a nice house. Beautiful home.

A lovely husband.
Her children are healthy, smart and well behaved.
Her **** doesn't stink.

So no new therapist for you.

[UnderRugSwept]

Originally Posted by PaulaS

At the same time, I know there´s nothing much to do about it in that aspect that a T could never be a person like myself - unemployed, insecure and so on because then she wouldn´t work as a T.

Therapists can still have insecurities just like the rest of us and do their jobs quite well...everyone has insecurities, that is part of being human!

I once had a therapist who told me about being unemployed after getting laid off (as a therapist) and how painful it was. (This was relevant because I was about to get laid off myself.)

I think you should reconsider the things you "know" as they are inaccurate misconceptions.