[Asiablue]

For those who've struggled with the therapy relationship, attachment and maternal/paternal transferences etc... What's your thoughts on doing less sessions instead of more?

My thinking is, that the intensity might not be so bad if I only went every other week instead of weekly. The week I didn't go might give me more time to regroup.

In my last therapy, I found the attachment to my therapist really triggered things for me and one session per week never felt enough, I actually wanted two sessions per week but couldn't afford it.
It seems strange then to suggest even less sessions but i wondered if once per fortnight might help me manage the therapeutic relationship better?

Anyone got any experience of this? ( or am I in total avoidence mode? )

[growlycat]

You could try it but I personally doubt it will lessen the intensity of the attachment. But everyone is different! Doesn't hurt to try.

[ScarletPimpernel]

I have an extreme attachment to my T and I go once a week. I'd love to go twice a week (and she would let me if it wasn't for my insurance), but.... since my attachment is already strong, I don't think going twice a week will help me.

So it's up to you, of course, but when it comes to attachment, I think any length of time btwn sessions can be difficult. For me, I don't think once a week lessens it. But going once a week helps me cope on my own for 6 days... which is kinda the point of therapy is learning to cope on your own? Idk.

[Favorite Jeans]

Give it a try! It might be the right approach for you. If it turns out to be not enough, it's probably easier to move up your frequency to once a week than to get used to once a week and decrease it.

Well I had severe attachment issues and previously with therapists my sessions were all over the place(not my choice). Sometimes fortnightly other times monthly. This is the first time and first t that I have had sessions regularly weekly and it has been a blessing in disguise because my attachment has lessened. I think I was able to internalise my t and I dint find myself obsessing or mulling over sessions constantly. I even went three weeks over christmas without seeing her and first time ever I was doing really well.
For me personally the longer I waited in between sessions the more painful it was but everybody is different and this will be a new t for you so I would give it a try Asia.

[SnakeCharmer]

Asia, seeing that you've gone through so much with intense attachment to therapists and terminations, would you consider trying a type of therapy that puts less focus on attachment and more on revealing and understanding emotions and thoughts or skill-building? Maybe group therapy or CBT-focused therapy. Maybe time-limited groups that would prevent the shock of sudden termination.

I see so much pain in these forums related to attachment and termination and have trouble understanding how it can be helpful. I also consider therapy a series of steps and sometimes groups and skill-building can be an important step that prepares us for the intensity of individual therapy where attachment and transference are more likely to take place.

I wish you the best and hope you find some good therapeutic situations.

[Lauliza]

Originally Posted by SnakeCharmer

Asia, seeing that you've gone through so much with intense attachment to therapists and terminations, would you consider trying a type of therapy that puts less focus on attachment and more on revealing and understanding emotions and thoughts or skill-building? Maybe group therapy or CBT-focused therapy. Maybe time-limited groups that would prevent the shock of sudden termination.

I see so much pain in these forums related to attachment and termination and have trouble understanding how it can be helpful. I also consider therapy a series of steps and sometimes groups and skill-building can be an important step that prepares us for the intensity of individual therapy where attachment and transference are more likely to take place.

I wish you the best and hope you find some good therapeutic situations.

I agree. If the therapeutic relationship illustrates dysfunctional patterns that you're experiencing in day to day life and you want that to change, then I think it can be a great tool. So in this case more than one session a week is probably necessary. But in my opinion that should be short term and gradually decrease, if only because I am a believer in some distance in therapy. I don't mean distance in terms of being cold or not caring, but enough to prevent the attachment from getting too intense. When it does get that intense it seems like hurt feelings are inevitable and it doesn't appear that most T's understand it or know how to handle it.

[ThisWayOut]

Something to think about, the feeling of waiting 2 weeks to talk about things brought up in therapy is different than knowing there's no one to have to open up to at the moment. At least for me, there's more frustration knowing things are stored up and I have to put them away for a while just to struggle to open them up again in a week or two. I find it easier to deal with things when they get stirred up, not in having to constantly open them up and put them away again...
however, that's just me. Also, as someone mentioned, every other week is easier to start with then to switch to (unless you have gotten to a point in therapy where that feels natural and workable)...

[RTerroni]

I only see my current Therapist once a month and that seems to be working for me as of now.

[unaluna]

For a while i could only go every 6 weeks. I think mice go more often than that! It was different. I was in a holding pattern in my life. It certainly made me appreciate when i could go back to 2 or 3 times a week. But it also gave me time to think about what it meant to be where i was, because i had hit bottom. So i thought about how it was hard to say some things in t, and how it wasnt going to be "too hard" anymore, because where i was (freezing in my mother's attic) was as hard as i wanted my life to get.

[guilloche]

I'm with ThisWayOut. With my current T, I started out doing every other week (partly due to cost, partly due to not feeling sure if I was ready to jump back into therapy.)

At first, it worked pretty well. I have (apparently) all kinds of screwed up attachment stuff, and would freak out at the thought of him being "too close" - so it gave me a little distance to process, think about sessions, and get myself organized for the next one.

But, after a couple months, as my trust grew, I found it was hard because so much stuff built up on my list of stuff to talk about. We hadn't really gotten through all my past issues, and when stuff from the present popped up - there didn't feel like there was enough time. I felt like the list of things I wanted to talk about was getting longer than I could ever get through.

So, now I'm at once a week, and it seems a bit more manageable - but I'm not at the point that you were talking about (re: super attached). I'm still kind of back and forth, not really sure what I'm doing.

That said, I agree that you could just give it a try. You really don't have anything to lose... especially if it's a new T. If it doesn't work out, I can't imagine a T telling you that they won't find a way to get you on the weekly schedule, though if you're concerned, you could mention it up front ("I'd like to start out every other week and see how things go. I may need to move to weekly in the future, would you be open to that?")

Good luck!

[Asiablue]

Originally Posted by SnakeCharmer

Asia, seeing that you've gone through so much with intense attachment to therapists and terminations, would you consider trying a type of therapy that puts less focus on attachment and more on revealing and understanding emotions and thoughts or skill-building? Maybe group therapy or CBT-focused therapy. Maybe time-limited groups that would prevent the shock of sudden termination.

I see so much pain in these forums related to attachment and termination and have trouble understanding how it can be helpful. I also consider therapy a series of steps and sometimes groups and skill-building can be an important step that prepares us for the intensity of individual therapy where attachment and transference are more likely to take place.

I wish you the best and hope you find some good therapeutic situations.

I've done some CBT in the past. It is useful. However, for me, I feel like I want to work WITH the attachment stuff not against it. It's something that keeps popping up and I'm curious about it and anxious to resolve it. I don't believe it can be resolved by avoiding it, you know?

I know what you're saying though about getting the skills to deal with it first.

I have learned from my recent termination experience a lot about myself. I have discovered an inner strength I didn't know I had. I've learned that my attachment style coupled with the trauma history caused me to dissociate a lot in my last therapy and I failed to realise the extent of it. So did my therapist.
Since I've not had therapy for about 3 months now, I've been really stable, I do have coping mechanisms. I am in quite a good place actually.
I think if I go back to therapy, it will inevitably be triggered again, because that's where the wounds are and it's a pattern that will repeat until it's resolved.

I feel like to not work on it would be a disservice to myself. To avoid the intensity of my attachments kind of feels like I'm denying part of me, and like I should feel shame for the intensity and for the feelings and I'm finished with feeling ashamed of needing my therapist's. I am not going to apologise for being a product of my pre-verbal trauma. I am not going to push away these truths that are mine. I am not going to allow myself or therapist's make me feel guilty for needing or for the intensity of my needing. Because it's just a phase, a part of normal emotional development except I didn't get to finish that phase as a child, so it resides within me now.

What I need is a therapist who's own attachment style is secure or at least resolved, and can confidently "hold" me within the process. One who can tolerate the intensity and the complexity of it all.

[boredporcupine]

To me, the key thing is what you are doing outside of sessions to support yourself, and whether you feel alone in that or supported by your T.

Example, let's say it's in between sessions and something comes up that triggers your or stresses you out.

Scenario one, you feel you need your T, and you can't get in touch with her soon enough. You question whether she cares. You now feel abandoned in addition to distressed. The next time you see your T, you're angry at her about this.

Scenario two, when you feel distressed, you remember the conversation you had with your T about what to to in between sessions when you get triggered. You even pull out the plan you made together for how to cope. You email or leave her a message and feel confident that she will reply within the next 24 hours. In the mean time, you follow the rest of your plan by calling a friend, journaling, listening to soothing music, listening to a voicemail your T recorded for you, or whatever else you decided would be helpful. By the time your T calls you back you're already feeling mostly better. At your next session, you feel proud that you and your T together helped to get you through that.

It also matters how you work together to pace sessions so that nothing happens in a session that isn't dealt with before you walk out the door. You shouldn't be leaving with that feeling of "what just happened?" Even if it means stopping 15 minutes early to process, see if there are any stray feelings lurking around, making sure you're not dissociated, and taking in some connection before you have to go.

No one should feel ashamed for being attached to their therapist. In fact I don't even think we have any choice of why her we get attached pr not because in hindsight knowing how much pain the attachment causes I don't believe any of us would choose this. Our bodies and minds choose it subconsciously, looking for the cate and affection we ne er received, those who had secure attachments don't have the same yearnings we do because their needs were met, ours weren't. I am not sure a t with a secure attachment would understand the deep longing we have and the deep needs we have from them . I know my own t had an insecure attachment but gets my needs and wants. She understands because she has been through the same things I have. Asia please don't do what others do and shame yourself because that would be a tragedy. You are entitled to feel like you do and only you know what you have been through and what you need to heal from it

[Asiablue]

Originally Posted by monalisasmile

No one should feel ashamed for being attached to their therapist. In fact I don't even think we have any choice of why her we get attached pr not because in hindsight knowing how much pain the attachment causes I don't believe any of us would choose this. Our bodies and minds choose it subconsciously, looking for the cate and affection we ne er received, those who had secure attachments don't have the same yearnings we do because their needs were met, ours weren't. I am not sure a t with a secure attachment would understand the deep longing we have and the deep needs we have from them . I know my own t had an insecure attachment but gets my needs and wants. She understands because she has been through the same things I have. Asia please don't do what others do and shame yourself because that would be a tragedy. You are entitled to feel like you do and only you know what you have been through and what you need to heal from it

Thanks, I don't feel ashamed of it, or at least the shame has reduced greatly. In times when I feel shame about it I remind myself that this isn't my fault and that I am doing the best I can. I know that my reactions are all just a product of my history and I won't feel this way forever.

[pmbm]

I see the T I have now twice a week. I have seen all of my other T's once a week. This T is the only one that I have not had maternal transference issues with. I've only been seeing her for 10 months, so I guess that could still develop, but i don't think so. Part of that is the seeing her twice a week. I get what I need. Also, she has some really strict boundaries which scared me at first, but now I really like them. (And I'm really mad at her right now...see the I Hate My Therapist thread), but it is not maternal transference stuff.