What do I do about DBT?

I'm 99% sure now that my DBT group isn't teaching me DBT. I started reading the workbook and my group doesn't discuss any of it. The worksheets aren't the same nor is the homework!

I know I need to stay either way even if it's to get me out of the house...

But I think someone should be notified. I think I should tell the T who is going to be one of the new facilitators. I have a great rapport with her. But I don't want to ruin the relationship.

Should I just keep quiet? Should I bring this up with the T? Do I dare go to the director?

This isn't right that they're calling it DBT and it's not. 3 weeks to go through a module that is already difficult to fit into 8 weeks? No diary cards, no structure, horrible examples, wrong worksheets, wrong homework, etc.

For those who have seen my posts, I can be pretty outspoken concerning topics I feel strongly about. This is one of them.

My T wants me to add to the group, but honestly I feel like I shouldn't have to correct the facilitators or take on a more active role. I feel like I will only challenge the facilitators and make them mad.

But it's not fair to me or the other members. Or maybe it's working for the other members? But it's not fair for me. I want to learn DBT and I want it to be structured like it's supposed to be...even if they condense the material.

What would you do?

Use dbt to answer your own questions here. Its been a while since i took it, but i see a lot of "emotional mind" in your post. Can you figure out what "wise mind" would do?

I am not in DBT, but I find your post incredibly judgmental.
When I read your message, it comes across as "emotions are wrong, so, since you think with your emotions, you necessarily think wrong about the situation".
The problem is not what you say, but how you say it.
Good advice don't need patronizing people.

@ScarletPimpernel It's ok to feel what you feel.
Whatever the why and the how, perhaps your therapist is not the right match for you. Therapists are not god, no matter their diploma.
If you feel strongly about the issue, you have the right to bring it up with your T. A therapist is paid to give you a service, the same way a gardener is paid to take care of gardens.
Even if the county pays for your therapist, it's still money paid to give you therapy. Therapy paid by the county does not mean that you have to put up with unhelpful therapy, exactly like you don't have to put up with an unhelpful gardener.
If you want, you can write what you have to say and bring it to the next session. You can say "I've been reading X, Y, Z (book titles and authors). However, in therapy, we do A, B, C (specific actions/advice/examples etc... by therapist) contrary to books X,Y, Z say. I am concerned that A, B, C don't help me for reaching M,N, O (your goals). What is your position ?".
Then, you see how T responds before you take any decision.

You can raise your concerns in a constructive way, and privately with the T who runs the group. "I've noticed xy z is different from the workbook. I think I may need more structured DBT…"

Stating your concerns in a friendly non accusatory way is a good thing to practice anyways.

Thank you for your comments. It was not my intention to sound patronizing. I identified a lot with the original post. I was often complaining that something was wrong at work or in my therapy, and that i had a better way, and that it was very important we do things my way. I now believe this behavior was not in my best interest, but it was the best i could do at the time. Nevertheless, i was acting out a childhood pattern of being overly responsible, as my parents neglected me, so i had to take care of myself. I often panicked. I detected the same note of panic in the original post.

So i suggested finding and using these specific lessons of dbt here. It is a little unusual, but i think it would work. And i thought Scarlet would find it intriguing, challenging, yet solvable. Personally i hate boring silly made-up problems. But i do love a good metaphor, and in this way, Scarlet would be tending her own dbt garden and hopefully she would enjoy a tasty and healthy harvest.

To me, it sounds as though this is not the right group for you. You want a group that looks one way and this group does not. If it were me, I would quit this group and find one I liked better or I would redefine what I could use the current group for.

Scarlet, I may be way off base here and please correct me if I have things wrong. To me, your situation seems way more complex than just being referred to DBT because it might be good for you.

You have a larger life goal that you've been working on -- to become a mother. You wanted the support and help of your T and Pdoc in order to get some fertility help. They were still a little hesitant at the most recent discussion of this. I got the impression (which may be wrong) that going to DBT and your fiance going to therapy was all part of the effort to get their support for fertility help.

If I'm off base, please set me straight. If my impression is correct, then I say just go with the flow, take the class, see what they have to teach, take what's good and leave the rest behind.

For you, going to a DBT group is a Really Big Deal because you have trouble with agoraphobia and the group is held at the county, where there are some bad memories for you. So this is all Big Steps and those steps are really important because when you're a mom, you may find yourself in situations over which you have no control -- well-baby clinics and school and activities.

Being a mom throws us into all sorts of situations we'd prefer not to do. That's just the way it is. We end up doing it for the kid. Because we love them.

If you can do this very difficult thing of getting beyond your agoraphobia and your dislike of the county and doing this group, even if you don't much care for how they run it, then, IMO, you're making good steps toward your larger goal.

If I'm way off base here, please let me know. I may have confused a couple of things that came about close together in time, but aren't related.

I wish you the best and just want you to know I'm really impressed that you've gone to group because it's pushing beyond your phobia. It's like me skydiving (my phobia is falling from a height.) Scary! It would have to be for a very important reason, like saving a life or curing cancer or bringing a new life into the world. I'd do it then. But I'd probably have to wear an adult diaper out of sheer terror. You're doing a really scary thing. And managing to keep your wits about you at the same time. If this is about the larger goal, going with the flow may be in your best interest at this time. It's about so much more than just DBT.

I hear it was not your intention.
However, since we don't have the tone of voice, body language... to understand the underlying good intentions on a message board, any message with negative undertones is magnified.

Also, what worked for you may not work for the person.
So, we cannot know if our advice are actually, IRL, in OP's best interests (it's the gist of any cyber relationship).
In these circumstances, we have to be very careful about the way our advice are worded.
I include myself in the pronoun "we".

I personally didn't find your post judgmental or patronizing.

From what little I do know, DBT isn't about invalidating emotions. It's about trying to perceive "the grey" instead of black and white....use the "wise mind" instead of reacting purely off of logic or emtions. So my understanding is that DBT is about balance. You meet your needs by acknowledging both the emotions and logic before simply reacting to a situation. (Please correct me if I'm wrong!!!).

So in this case, I should identify my needs, prioritize my needs, and then... I'll figure out the rest

Sorry I don't know much about "wise mind". They don't have a mindfulness module; they just mix it in throughout the other modules. They haven't really included any mindfulness yet

But I will go skim my workbook about it. It's a great challenge for me. Exactly what I want when I'm trying to learn.

Thank you Hankster

It's okay Giucy I'm pretty sure Hankster know the basics of me on here. And this is what DBT is about. Plus I do want to be challenged in DBT. DBT is a group. I have my own individual T aside from group. My T, Pdoc, and insurance want me in DBT. This group is the only one I can afford (the only o e my insurance covers). I have BPD so DBT is supposed to be great a teaching skills especially for BPD and is supposed to be structured. Plus I have agoraphobia, so I need all the socialization I can stand.

I probably will bring it up with the facilitator, but I need to do mire reading so I can practice what I'm supposed to be learning

You are 100% correct. I am doing this to help me towards my goal of becoming a mother. I am in DBT. My fiance starts his therapy next week!

Here's my one concern: I want (maybe need?) to learn the actual skills so I can cope better with parenting. I don't think I've mentioned it before, but I'm going to have 90% of the responsibility of parenting. Meaning: my fiance has a physical disability that limis how much he can do. I will deal with 90% of the nights, feeding, crying, etc. I will probably have to do 100% of the diaper changing. And then I have to be aware of my fiance's emotional state (which he is going to be working on), my mental health issues, etc. I will basically be a single parent. I will have support, but it will be my responsibility to parent this child.

So I need all the skills I can get!

Btw, if anyone knows of any books that deal with how to parent when you have a mental illness, I would appreciate any suggestions. My T wanted me to find a book and I haven't had any success. Least not cheap, non-assessment books.

But I do agree that no matter what, I need to stick it out with the group whether they change or not. It will help with the agoraphobia (and is...I actually said 2 sentences last week ). And it does force me to cope with my extreme anxiety... and now how to cope with situations I didn't plan for.

I just wish I had money... I know about the group my T really wants me to go to, and they're the real deal. And I already know they would let me keep my T and Pdoc. Poor T though...she'd have to be on call 24/7. But she actually agreed to if I went to that group She must really trust me...lol.

Anyways, that's the situation. I guess I'm just frustrated because this was supposed to be more than what it is. I was supposed to get more skills. I can say this though.... I would rather deal with this frustration than have to deal with that anxiety I felt leading up to starting the group .

If it works for you, it's all what matters

The technique itself can be great, but the therapist may not be a good match for you.
It sucks that you have no other possibilities because of insurance

Group therapy is not so great for me because of the hearing loss, unless it's very structured.
Again, if it helps you, it's the most important : the rest is only literature as we say in French !

Maybe the cultural difference could likely explain the way the message was understood...

Thanks! and, i wish! But dbt hadnt been invented yet, so no, i just went blindly along.

Like my post last night - i wrote it in the middle of the night for me. I expected all of pc to recognize that and to cut me slack. I used to write emails at work in the middle of the night - while i was still at work - and i expected my bosses to note the time and so not get excited when i came in late the next morning. I thought it would be gauche or declasse to point out the obvious. Eventually, we talked about it and bosses told me they assumed i was fixing the email time, that it wasnt representative of when i was actually at the office. So i was like doubly screwed.

Yeah, i cant tell how my posts come across to people. I just try to be as honest and direct as possible, but not "painfully honest". I do try to be supportive. Here i did say it had been a while since i had taken dbt - perhaps i should have made it more clear that i didnt remember all the lingo - i felt i had implied it.

It's okay I only know basics...the little bit I read up until my T told me not to learn it on my own. Though that's basically what I'm now doing...lol.

I really think the county way over simplified it and tweaked it to fit the majority of their clients. I was told that most their clients are Schizophrenic and they don't really take people with BPD. So my needs are different than their clients. And I can tell some of the people are lower functioning. One woman is on something...she slurs her words!

But this has always been a problem for me. I don't fit into the mental health world because I'm too high functioning and I don't fit into the "normal" world because I'm not high enough functioning. So I'm literally on the border It's why I like it here: there's such a diversity of people that I feel like I can fit in a little. Then again, I have BPD and put people on a pedestal even though they're probably equals (I learned that from the workbook ).