Alexithymia, anyone?

After 9 months of MET with my T., she asked if we had ever discussed Alexithymia. I said no and she seemed surprised. She doesn't like to tell me processes or anything about therapy because I'll go research it and get in my mind instead of telling my feelings.

Anyway, it's the inability to express emotions. She asked what I think and I said I can express anger with no problem. She said I tend to put something big out on the table and stop. I said I don't know how to keep going - what to talk about.

I just read about it and I don't completely agree. I think it's harder for me to express my emotions in therapy because of the transference. My mom always had a negative reaction to me expressing emotions so I keep waiting for my T. to react badly - and she knows this.

Has anyone heard or dealt with this?

Its come up on the boards before. I was surprised to read your t suggested it - usually one of us self diagnoses and our t tells we're full of carp

Soccer Mom, you've expressed some really intense and painful emotions here in the forums, without intellectualizing or stopping. Maybe you didn't pound the keyboard and kick the screen, but you verbalized serious painful emotions that keep coming back at you. It's there, it's up front, you're honest. I would not be surprised to hear you've cried while writing posts and reading responses in the forums. That's expressing emotion.

Maybe you're holding back in the therapy room with your T, both verbally and with physical manifestations like tears, for many complicated reasons and she's getting the idea that maybe you've got a problem with expressing emotion.

Maybe over-controlled in front of T? Is that a possibility?

I was told I had alexithymia when I was first assessed a few years ago. After 4 years of weekly therapy, my T says I now no longer exhibit symptoms.

Hooray?

You've summed it up, I think. I may actually read this to her next week. Yes I've cried plenty while typing.

I've had an ah-hah moment! So, when my T. asked if we had talked about it, she had a very small quirk going and I thought that first: she should remember if we discussed it and second, she's thinking I'm going to go home and look this up.

I was stewing over it awhile ago and thought I'll show her - I'll go in Monday with all sorts of emotions. THEN IT HIT ME - that's what she wants and know I'll do. damn reverse psychology.

She did it in session today. Tried to say I was feeling one way and I was shocked. I told her I DON"T feel that way and started to explain. Then, I paused and said "I know what you're doing. You're trying to get me to say all the ways I'm not feeling that way". She admitted she always has to get me to talk somehow. well, it works. UGH. LOL

Are you sure that's what it is? Because I think alexithymia is more about inability identify the emotion, not inability to express. You could be expressing a lot of intense emotions but then she would ask you what it is and you would not be able to name it.

That's my problem sometimes. I have a lot of physical symptoms and feel hot and intense but have trouble figuring out what it is, if it's anger or fear or jealousy or shame or guilt or whatever.

The woman I see has said anger is the only emotion I have ever showed her. I don't know what I would do to show other emotion. When I asked, she was useless and refused to explain other than that she thought I should cry around her. That was such a horrifying thought I started having a lot of anxiety so I got her to quit saying such a thing to me.

I've read a little more about Alexithymia and there is a correlation with emotional neglect which I think I had. But, I don't remember any trauma - perhaps just a series of emotional neglect did it. Anyway, I do think I have tendencies. When people are telling me something sad, I have a hard time relating emotionally. I know it's a sad situation but it won't bring tears to my eyes. When my daughter was in horrible pain at the dentist, I couldn't cry but felt I should have.

Yet, I'm also able to express a variety of emotions - just not with my T. It's like I go blank when she asks me something or I don't know how to keep talking about it. It's made me a little depressed reading about this.

What part is depressing about it? I am serious - is it because you may have it or because it seems un-changeable? Or something else?

I ask because I certainly have traits of it, and while it can baffle me how people can go on about their feelings, and how they think I am not having any when I have no idea what to say about them or what anyone means by I don't show them, it does not bother me within me. So I may be missing something not just here but in me.

I told my T. 9 months ago when my mom was sick that people were coming up with tears in their eyes and expressing their emotion. I said I want to be able to do that for others - I want them to see that I feel something. Another example, I want to cry in front of my T. for many reasons but one is probably to be comforted. I feel the emotions inside but they can't come out, I guess.

I guess it makes it more real seeing a name attached to it and further evidence I was emotionally neglected. I didn't even ask her if it's changeable but I hope so. She did point out (as well as friends) that I'm much better at being vulnerable and telling people my feelings. I just don't always have a name for them. I have the basics: mad, sad, happy, etc. but not deep.

So, yes I want to change and hope it's possible (which it seems from Yellowbuggy's post). A lot of times I feel weird for NOT being able to express emotions. As much as I've told my T., it's amazing and sad that I haven't shed one tear. And, I think it makes me wonder exactly what my emotional neglect was like.

Oh i get you now. Yeah, like when the tsunami happened - i was kind of weird - emotionless - about it. Probably didnt help that i was living with my mother at the time. There was no space for me to have feelings there. But now, i feel that its a signal that i am towards the end of my therapy because now when something like this happens - even the snow on boston - i do feel something.

Emotional neglect is tricky because how do you measure something that didnt happen? Except by how upset a lot of people here were by that book about it that i suggested and anyone who got it now hates me and buried it in their backyard. Just kinda kidding.

Can you pinpoint what helped you get past it? My T. did point out that I'm more vulnerable and open especially with friends.

I think you're right. This was the case with me. I had to do silly exercises to learn how to identify each emotion. I remember feeling so confused in one of my first few sessions, I actually asked: "what is a feeling?" Good times

Yeah I hated it, felt like a little kid being taught how to name things. I mean I know there was a therapeutic reason but sucks when you can't name the feelings. I would come in and talk about this intense emotional reaction and think it was fear but turns out it was anger. Or sometimes I would name it correctly, in a vague sort of way, but would be corrected about the specific name. Like I would say I think I feel sad. And my therapist would, not immediately, but slowly let me know it was more of a "disappointed" kind of sadness.

All in all I found it helpful but also invalidating in some ways. Sometimes got on my nerves. But I literally asked the very same question once as well, "What is a feeling?" And once also had the urge to sing, "I feel pretty, Oh, so pretty, I feel pretty and witty and bright!" That person knows how to name feelings just fine, lol.

Here is an online test
Online Alexithymia Questionnaire
It breaks it into categories

(I scored 134 - I was low on one and none on another but high on most of the categories)

Yep, sounded like me. Score 177, more difficulty identifying feelings than describing them, restricted imaginative processes, problems with interpersonal relationships and sexual disinterest/difficulties.

I never knew there was a word to describe me! But I used to be a bundle of "feelings" and mostly out of control feelings, stuffed anger and exploded because the seams finally ripped. Now it's almost as if I have NO feelings to stuff or explode. So maybe Alexithymia isn't really me, unless there's another descriptive word that literally means "feels nothing" most of the time.

My score was 114. My T says I don't have it....

I will emotionally neglected and am the opposite. I am a highly sensitive person and t said I have haver than average empathy. If someone tells me something sad I will start to cry. From what I read here soccer mom you have lots of feelings but perhaps it's difficult to express them, that doesn't mean it's alexithymia. How does this sit with you? For some reason it doesn't sit right with me about you. Your daughter was in pain and your were able to see that and acknowledge it but not express it. Perhaps this is because you haven't been supported in showing or allowing your true feelings.
Have you read the book running on empty? It's about childhood emotional neglect and it's quite good and might be of interest to you.

I think you are correct. I definitely have the feelings and I can name them generally. I also agree I haven't been supported or allowed to show my true feelings with my family growing up. YES, I read Running on Empty and it gave me a ton of insight as to why I am the way I am. I may go back and read it a little.

I'm beginning to think it's mainly about the transference. I have been VERY guarded in what I tell my T. because I felt all these feelings towards her were wrong. After Monday, I've probably told her 1/2 of them but not in depth - still trying to trust her and be ok with these crazy feelings. Part of my issue is she's pretty much my age and we get along great like friends. If she was in her 60s, not only would the motherly feel better but I wouldn't necessarily want to be friends.

You have been working with this t for a long time now, do you trust her with the depth of these feelings? These sound like very young feelings, unmet needs. It's important that you held and feel safe enough to let them out. It must be difficult to see a t that is the same age. I don't think I could say exactly how I feel in that situation but so far she has been able to meet you and contain your feelings. Transference is such a tricky subject.... I hope you will feel safe enough to work through them and to trust the process in knowing it's the right time.

She hasn't given me a reason NOT to trust her. She pointed out that I keep expecting her to act like my mom - dismiss my feelings, push me away, judge, turn them back on me. These past 9 months have been a series of giving her a tiny bit and waiting to see her reaction. I'm slowly getting to the core of the onion after removing a tiny layer at a time.

I scored 81

which book please hankster?sorry i am new here and still finding my way around

I read Running On Empty last summer when I was in the thick of my transference and grief. I decided to reread it because I'm in a different place and have received confirmation that I was emotionally neglected.

I found it interesting that she lists Alexithymia as one of the "themes" in adults who grew up with Childhood Emotional Neglect. I dismissed my T's idea of it with me thinking I can talk to my friends about my feelings - just not her due to the transference. I don't think that's accurate. I don't think I can name/discuss my feelings towards my mom. I think THOSE are the ones that are suppress so far down that I don't know what they are.