[Smilie]

I saw the new therapist on Wednesday.I guess it went well. But he asked me a question and completely took me off guard." What can you control in your life?" What would your answers be?

Smilie

First, good luck with your new T. I hope it's a good match.

What a great question for a T to ask... it would catch my off guard in the 1st session too, but I would love it.

First, I would probably lie and say "I'm pretty much in control of everything." because I would hate for the new T to think I'm a mess.

However, if I was actually telling the truth my answers would be....

I don't believe I have full control over anything because unfortunately, the way I go about everything in my life tends to be at the mercy of my moods. However, I am slowly learning how to gain control of things like keeping up on my work (my job, house, school, etc.) By learning to accept that I may never have complete control over my mental status, moods, and feelings, I can slowly learn how to control the behaviors that occur as a result of those things.

How did you answer your T, Smilie?

[lauren_helene]

Great question from your new T. I plan to journal that thought...

Smilie, Good question, looks easier than it really is HHhmmm have to give this some thought!

[Meta]

I would have been thrown, but I would like to remember in the future that I can control my attitude, and decide what has meaning in my life. I read this probably about 25 years ago in Viktor Frankel's book, "Man's Search for meaning." He was a psychiatrist who was in a concentration camp. He was called to keep individuals who wanted to kill themselves by walking into the electrified fence. He did this by helping other prisoners identify the meaning in their life.

The role of the therapist is to help the person find meaning in their life, accept responsibility for their existence and find values to live by.

This is from an article I found on the internet called "Psychotherapy and Our Search for Meaning," by Brian O'Neill. I don't know how to print the link.

Sounds simple, I think!?!?

Meta

[EJ711]

Not a lot right now.

EJ

[sunrise]

I guess I would say I can control my behavior or at least work on that as a goal. I can't control other people's behavior or how they treat me or react to me or what they choose to do with their lives. If there is a bad situation, I can look at what I can do to change it. The way others are is beyond my control and I will only get frustrated if I think my life will improve if other people change.

[Smilie]

I had to laugh at the fact that you would have been taken off guard as well and at the fact that you probably would not have been honest at first.I could see how it would be a great temptation to skirt around that question and or to lie.Perhaps I was ready because I was comfortable with him and I didn't want to waste any more time on my road to recovery for me to give an honest answer.I think in our humanism we do get afraid and sometimes are not honest.

My 2nd answer was to identify a problem, come up with a solution and act on that solution. I called it cognitive therapy and asked him is that was cognitive therapy was? So he answered "NO." But I know now I have to do some more studying on it because all the information was too new for me to understand the full concept . I even had to ask him to tell me again in a different way.

He also asked me if there was anything I was afraid of? What would your answers be?

I think I will like working with this T because he has challenged me from the start.

Smilie

[Smilie]

Wow disciplined thought training!

Smilie

Cool questions from your T. I once had a T that asked "how vulnerable do you feel?" But then he asked it too many times, and I felt like punching him.

What am I afraid of? Ha. Do you have an hour or two? Rejection, failure, getting better, getting worse, being in the middle of the two, airplanes, abandonment, losing my dad/ sister/parrots/husband/T, waterbugs, getting really sick, not getting accepted into the psychology doctoral program, getting accepted into the psychology doctoral program only to have it all blow up in my face.

[Perna]

I'm in control of "Me" that's all. My words, actions, behaviors and beliefs. Can't control my environment (lions, tigers, and bears; earthquakes, flash floods :-) or other people (unless they're lots smaller than I am :-)

[Smilie]

What a great morning laugh I had from your reply. I was all serious about the vulnerable stuff then wham you said you felt like punching the T. with out a doubt that would be how I would have felt as well.Punching the T would be in my imaginations but I am the passive aggressive type and I would not have acted on that it. By asking me too many times would be like poking me with the stick!

Smilie

[biiv]

great great questions. ive just written them down to journal on later and might actually bring my thoughts in to T next week. i wrote in a thread recently about what im afraid of... i forget where it was though. how vulnerable do i feel? um... does deer caught in headlights cover it? most of the time thats me. and what can i control? well in theory the only thing anyone controls is their reactions. in practice though i think my reactions must be covered in cooking oil cos they re way too slippery to get a firm grip on and they wont sit in time out when i tell them to.
also lol perna about controlling people lots smaller than you! hehe.
thanks for the ideas everyone and for starting the thread smilie.

Hey Meta, I really loved that book :-)

Sounds like your therapist is trying to help you identify some of your strengths. In particular help you identify areas in which you feel competent so you can build and extend on those.

Lets see...

I feel competent at work (sometimes). It can be a bit variable but when I talk to others about my work I feel pretty competent with what I've done so far and with some of my ideas for future work.

And...

That is probably about it... But for me... That is a major :-)

[Smilie]

Yes it does. I need to feel competent right now.I see him again on the 18th.

[Smilie]

Well lets see. I'm afraid of getting married again. But even more afraid of loosing my boyfriend. I'm afraid of living alone. I'm afraid of psychiatrists. I'm afraid of going crazy. I'm afraid of living a future with out a more quality of life. I'm afraid of being diagnosed with a mental illness. I'm afraid at times to face my childhood pain. I'm afraid of loosing my faith.I'm afraid of living a daily life in a wheel chair. I'm afraid I will loose my best friend in a early death. I afraid for my best friend for when the day she will live with being in a wheel chair.I'm afraid that I will out live my own children. Well thats enough for now.I suppose a lot of these fears are me just being human. Oh and the biggest fear. I'm afraid I will die without touching someones life.And my legacy will not live on.And for my children to say I have not loved enough.
Smilie

[MissCharlotte]

Not much. It's out of my hands. So I just do the next right thing.