So I made my therapist really uncomfortable last session?

Although he told a colleague how the OP made him feel, unless he shared actual information specifically about her, there was no breach of confidentiality. Maybe it's different where you live but that's the code in the US.

That's just the point. He was dealing with and he was separating it from the client.

The audience is not supposed to go backstage during the performance!

I did not say the therapist did anything wrong in talking to the other about his feelings or whatever. He seems badly trained to me. Not for talking about it for for letting himself be affected in the first place.
If I knew a therapist was unable to not be impervious about me, I would change to one who was. Just me. And I don't really care whether one is supposed to go behind the curtain of the wonderful wizard of oz or not. I don't think they are wizards or wonderful - just trained to be detached. Luckily for me I found two who are cold and impervious.

From what you said I can't guess what from the content of your conversation could have made your therapist feel unconfortable. Then again, it might have been something different, like gestures, a look, anything really. It's probably the therapist's countertransference. I'm sorry you got to hear that comment - if I were you, I imagine it might shake my trust in my therapist's availability for me. Whatever your concern is about this, it might be a good idea to ask your therapist directly if you want to find out. Anyway, the therapisat's reaction is the therapist's reaction and not your fault. Therapists are trained to deal with varioua types of discomfort and it's part of the job, so you don't need to worry; and if you do, perhaps seeing what exactly it is that you're worried about could shed some liht on your emotions and thinking process.

Why is a therapist badly trained because something affected them? That's just a trait of being human and he did what many other humans do when that happens - he told someone (this is what therapists are supposed to do in this situation). Therapy training is not about teaching people to be emotionless. They are taught not to let it affect them to the point that it interfere with therapy. All we know is in the moment he felt uncomfortable and told someone. He made a simple statement that didn't signify anything more serious than awkwardness in the moment. Absolutely typical of all humans and no big deal. The thing that makes it a bigger deal is that he was being recorded so now the OP knows. This can happen if anybody's private conversation is taped, not just a therapist's. Who knows what people say about us in a private conversation? Most people, because of social norms (whether right or wrong), are not that transparent. It's likely he didn't say it in session because he didn't think it was important enough to tell her and risk making her self conscious. Again, That is normal human behavior.

I agree. I think when we listen (accidentally or on purpose) others private conversations we are running a risk of hearing stuff that is unpleasant. Not like t said it to client's face

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I don't think they are magical creatures either - but I think a therapist who was trained to be detached would be as useful as a chocolate teapot.

You say the ones you see are 'cold and impervious'. Perhaps they are, but with all due respect, you don't know how affected or not affected they are by the stuff that comes into their room, because you are very clear that you don't want to know anything about their thoughts or feelings.

You have hammered out an agreement with them that that is how they treat you because that is what you want, which is good because that's what works for you. But that's a different beast entirely from a therapist who defaults to not a state of not giving a stuff about the client or their problems.

I don't see how there was no breach in confidentiality when a T says "[Identifiable client] makes me uncomfortable". It would definitely be grounds for reporting the T here. And yes, I know the OP lives in the US so laws in other countries are irrelevant, but I do want to make it clear that there is no single correct way of reacting to this; for me it seems a shocking breach of confidentiality and unprofessional behaviour but other people react differently, and neither reaction is more valid.

I would be very interested to read where it is codified that therapists in the US are trained to talk to their colleagues in non-secure settings about their personal opinions of clients. I also feel a little uncomfortable when you make claims about what is typical for all humans, because I don't think anybody can know that. (But I also know that this is a cultural difference between us so there is no real point in discussing that.)

If others wish to believe therapists are regularly affected by clients, okay with me. I don't. I think they are not, are trained not to be from what I have gleaned from their textbooks, and I don't think they should allow themselves to be. If for some reason a therapist fails and is, then I, as the client, should I find out about it, would change to a better one for me. I certainly would not worry about the therapist. The only reason it would concern me as a client is because I would consider the therapist more flawed than I wanted to deal with. I would not consider it my problem to be concerned about the therapist-which is my bigger point.

I believe the ones I see to be cold and impervious and they act that way - perhaps it is all a ruse and acting job. But the same is true for those who think and believe and want the therapist to be all caring and pervious and so forth -they are just as likely to be acting a part as are the two I see. Just because someone carves out a view of them as caring and so on and another wants the opposite does not make the one who thinks (and all any client has is supposition) they are detached wrong.

This is such a good way of putting how therapists really are. They are actors, nothing more and nothing less. Who really knows what they think, feel, or care about.

But that is true for all people. Nobody, but nobody ever knows what anybody else is feeling or thinking, and how much of what they say or emote at us is an act. Almost everything is probably an act, in my experience.

Who knows what anyone feels? I deal with customers all day and know what I say is NOT what I'm thinking. That being said, although I have been trained in what I do, sometimes I still go home and get a bit sad or teary at what people tell me. I'm human and so are therapists. I don't think they all care deeply but I think their training is not to let their feelings interfere with therapy not to feel nothing at all. If they felt nothing at all then why bother talking to a T at all? I could save $1000's and just talk to a wall.

Personally, I'd much rather have a therapist who felt something. I mean, I wouldn't want the extreme of one who is sobbing hysterically because I talk about something upsetting or looks horrified if I talk about something disturbing. But I want a T who is human, who has feelings, and who genuinely cares about their patients. Maybe a detached T works better for some people--but not for me. My T has told me that she doesn't leave her work at the office, that she continues to think about her patients when she goes home, trying to figure out the best way to help them. And is sometimes emotionally affected by them. I think this is what makes her a good therapist.

Now, say, a heart surgeon? I would want them to be more detached. But for someone dealing with my emotions, I want someone who feels.

Exactly. If I'm talking about difficult things I don't want someone who feels nothing and says nothing. I don't want to worry about her feelings, I trust that she deals with her distress elsewhere. I do not worry if she is upset as that is hers to take on but god I need some kind of feeling.

Op he said it to another T and it had to hurt, was he able to contain his discomfort and be of use to you?

I agree with you.

Leaving the recorder on and listening what he talks to another T is very unfair, it's stalking, it's even so unethical to listen to this because it's his conversation with his T, if I were your T, I would feel horrible.

I can't see anything uncomfortable in other stuff except that recorder.

As long as names are not used or exact detail, then there us not a breach. But don't let it bug you. T are human and they are trained to talk it out.

Agreed about the no breach if names or details aren't use. At my T's office, they have a clinical meeting once a week, where they discuss difficult cases or things they have questions about with the other therapists in the office. But they don't mention names or specifics, so it's OK in terms of confidentiality. Though in this case, presumably the other T knew that your T was talking about you? Still, if all he said was that he felt uncomfortable (without revealing exactly what you said in session), probably not a breach. But I certainly understand your feelings of betrayal.

Hi TF97. Welcome to PC.

I have to admit, my first thought was, "Awkward." I didn't want to just post that because this is clearly a serious matter and I don't mean to minimize the impact on you.

It's so unfortunate that you overheard him. Before that, did you have a feeling that he was in any way uncomfortable? I ask b/c it's possible that he was having a bad day or that, while he might have been uncomfortable, he was dealing with it. Is he fairly new to this?

I'm not good at talking about things like this but I think it may be the kind of thing that would be hard to forget. I think the healthiest thing to do would be to discuss this with your T. It may be that the therapeutic relationship between you is ill suited, in which case you're better off knowing that now.

I think that if it was me, I'd be obsessively upset about hearing that comment.

Please read the OP's post. She said she left it on unknowingly. No need to attack her for that.

From what you described was recorded, it sounds like he is uncomfortable because you are BPD.

Quote:

Originally Posted by lunatic soul Leaving the recorder on and listening what he talks to another T is very unfair, it's stalking, it's even so unethical to listen to this because it's his conversation with his T, if I were your T, I would feel horrible. I can't see anything uncomfortable in other stuff except that recorder.

Somewhat agreed.

Quote:

Originally Posted by licketysplit Please read the OP's post. She said she left it on unknowingly. No need to attack her for that.

Saying it doesn't make it so... I read and re-read it...note she says she left it in a counter. Is that freudian? As in -- in a drawer?? Was it really ON the counter where it could be obviously seen? Somehow I feel that the therapist doesn't know they were being recorded, MHO . I really don't even understand what's behind recording sessions in the first place- it seems distrustful...also if it was left on - how many OTHER people's/patient's rights were violated????I would stop going to my therapist if I found out that: 1. Another patient did this, accident or not. My trust would be broken and I would have a hard time seeing someone new for a while... 2. If they didn't tell me or 3. They told me but not right away or I found out somehow from another patient. Because I wonder if the therapist even knows she left it. He would have to inform anyone who used that room that it happened...but maybe he hasnt??

But yes I agree - she doesn't need to attack her by saying she should feel horrible.

now lol