PTSD reactions in the real world

I'm just curious, without trying to add any triggers to this, if other people find themselves having panic/PTSD reactions when doing certain things, completely non therapy related? I shake with anxiety after I take a shower, EVERY DAY. But, I'm used to it.... however, I just admitted to my T about seeing my chiropractor. I cancel more appointments with him than I actually go to (I just canceled today). I was physically abused by a former step dad, those were miserable years. We were trained to drop our drawers, then lay across his lap and wait for it. I have chronic pain, neck, shoulders, back, and I'm now being worked on with severe arthritis in my back...and what the chiro says is an old "compression fracture" I think he called it, in my spine, L1-L2. Of course, he's asked many questions as to how I could have received such an injury, and I just shrugged my shoulders. I told him I think I'd remember if I got hurt that badly.

Well, this was a lifetime ago, but I admitted to my T yesterday that I do have an idea, the only severe trauma I received was a baseball bat to my back. For the first (and last) time, I talked back to him, and he got angry. That would make sense, given where the healed fracture is. She asked if I was going to tell him HELL NO I said...and she talked to me about it. First commended me on how brave I was for going at all. Even though I cancel a couple appointments before I actually go. That's been my MO.... cancel 2, then go, cancel 2, then go...etc.

I can't STAND when people crack their knuckles, so you can imagine how I feel about being cracked by the chiro. I hate it. I cringe, I'm hard to crack because I'm anticipating it, etc. I told my T that laying down on his table reminds me so much of laying down across that lap. I did so, under both circumstances, knowing pain was soon to follow. So I told her the chiro (I like the guy very much) is very triggering to me, and she agreed, validated my feelings, and commended me for going at all. Basically said she didn't think she'd be able to do that. That made me feel good, because I feel so guilty canceling on him.....I don't cancel my T appts, or physical therapy. Just that.

I'm wondering if anyone else has phobias about doing things like this. I also WILL NOT go get a massage, no matter how much I'd love one. I never have, and not interested now. So I have my PT for that...I know and trust her, and can basically get a massage while having insurance pay for it. A friend of mine bought me a gift certificate a couple years ago for one. She mentioned it before she did it, and I said no, I wouldn't do it. She gave it to me anyway. I gave it away. Another friend gave me a gift certificate for a pedicure. I gave that away too. Wouldn't do it. My PT, my Dr, and my T....they can all touch me no problem. Honestly, I think seeing my PT helped to desensitize me to touch. I've been seeing her for four years, and was nervous at first, especially when she was behind me, doing things to my back or neck. I'm sure she could tell, I just jumped every time. Her hands are always cold, so I blamed it on that. After awhile, I got comfortable with her and don't have that issue anymore. My T, for some reason, I was comfortable with from day one. I never avoided her touch, and she is a T who hugs at the end of every session, and will even hold me when I cry. I have no problem with that. So I know I'm getting better.

But the whole chiro thing... it's just too weird. I swear I have flashbacks. My T said I don't have to disclose anything, but she thought it would be a good idea to let him know. I told her I didn't want to air my dirty laundry...but in the end, I decided to. I sent him an Email. He was very understanding about it. I told him about the triggering, as well as the possibility that the old injury in my back was caused by someone swinging for a "home run," on me, on purpose.

Are there things on other peoples' lives that trigger you? I feel so stupid about it.... this was 25-30 years ago....but surely still affects me.

I have similar reactions. I also absolutely cannot have a massage due to its relation to past abuse. Just the thought is way too overwhelming for me. There are certain medical procedures that I've had to find ways to endure over the years because, unlike a massage which is totally a luxury, the medical procedures absolutely had to be done. I think it is pretty common for people with PTSD.

Yes, but I wouldn't want to share that level of detail here. It's hard enough to go through.

I can't watch movies because there are too often something which remember me of my trauma and sometimes I have flashbacks (usually at nights).
When there is even 1% which reminds me of something traumatic it makes me feel so horrible and sometimes I'm getting psychotic because it seems that something is happening again when it's not happening and then I am out of mind.

(((ML)))
That's horrible. I don't blame you one bit for being triggered after that, even if it was 30 odd years ago


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I am still effected from the abuse from my childhood, certain situations trigger memories. I have avoided dental exams all my life (until recently for an emergency and i had to be sedated under general anesthesia) and no way I can even attempt to have a pelvic exam. I even avoid routine check-ups/exams and only go when I am extremely sick because I feel like I am out of control on the exam table being touched I am not afraid the doctor will do anything wrong or abuse me, I am afraid of the memories it provokes.

Yes, i still have a few reactions to some triggers- I cannot even write about them.

Oh my goodness, I am so, so sorry. You poor wee thing

I do understand. I blithely booked a shiatsu session which was a total distressing nightmare - I thought it would be wonderful and it was horrendous, because of where he touched, and the kind of touch used. My body was having all kinds of horrified fear reactions and I was sniggering and feeling mortified because I was also becoming aroused in a really, really, bad way that made me panic.

I had a smear test last week which was pretty hard. The nurse was lovely in a way, but just the way she was talking to me didn't help - telling me to relax (erm hello if it was that simple I would!) and saying in a slightly accusatory way that she could not tell I have vaginismus from looking at my face, as if to say I should have told her beforehand, but I hadn't wanted to because I thought I might be ok..

Procedures/ treatments can be a minefield.

It's much better now but I had lots of trouble with medical stuff mostly dentist stuff as a reaction to abuse.

i hate all doctors. doesnt matter if they arent even touching me.

I pay a fortune for "gentle dentistry" and only found him a couple years ago. Needless to say I had quite a lot of damage from neglect. I would shake, cry, and hyperventilate in the parking lot and could not go inside. This stems from trauma at age 3, my earliest memories and deeply ingrained.

Also anywhere in public I can't remain seated if someone is standing near my chair. Immediately I begin to panic, I have to stand up or politely insist they be seated as well. Kind of embarrassing at work where people stand by your chair a million times a day, and waitstaff in restaurants also. This stems from abuse as an adult, yet no less deeply ingrained.

Hugs! I hope you are able to get the care you need.

Indestructible girl, I remember the female exams... I was terrified to do it...I didn't have my first one until I was pregnant at...about 28. Now I've had so many I guess it doesn't phase me much, but I don't need them so much anymore. I haven't had one in probably a decade.

StressedMess, OMG I'm the same way! If I'm the same way! I am SO uncomfortable sitting, with someone standing over me. I also hate sitting in the middle of a room. If we go to a restaurant, I make sure my back is facing a wall if I can.

Dental exams and pelvic exams. Loud noises, yelling, verbal conflict, fighting

No massages, no foot rubs, no pedicures. No one can hold my feet for any period of time. No tickling of any body part. I turn into a smacking tornado, often before I realize what I am doing.

I also have days where I cannot stand the thought of wearing pants. I ALSO hate the idea of having a lot of fabric around my waist. I can barely type the following words without wanting to rip off my own head --- I could NEVER wear pants under a dress. Ugh, shuddering and cringing now, even though I rationally understand that it is harmless. Ick.

It's isn't just about shaking and fear. It contains anger too.
I don't have moments that are simple to describe. Mist times I'm unaware I'm having a flashback moment because I'm so consumed by it.
It's only further down the road I begin to realise something was going on that's how overwhelming it can be.

This all seems so familiar: I'd love a massage, but I'm pretty sure it would be triggering so I don't even try.
I haven't been to the dentist in year even though I really should, but I just can't. I've only had one pelvic exam in my whole life (I'm 31 now) and that was when I was 18 or 19.

There also so many movies or TV shows I can't watch because they're too triggering. And let's not evenh mention going to any kind of date...

Yes, to a lot of what has already been written. I hate all doctors and medical exams of any kind - hugely triggering for me. I finally found a phenomenal gyno that does exams exactly the way i need her to - quickly, telling me everything she's doing first and as she's doing it, and never telling me to relax. Dentists are a real trial - that whole having someone looming over me thing - but I've learned to live with it, because the idea of sedation dentistry, where I have no control over the situation is even worse. Massages are out, being touched in general is difficult. I did manage one chair massage last summer and I was proud of myself for that, but not sure I'd do it again.

Other everyday stuff - I hate being constricted in any way...especially when someone puts an arm over my shoulder or around my waist. I get very, very jumpy if people walk behind me. I always slow down and step aside so they can be ahead of me. Confined spaces (like elevators/stairwells) bother me in general and more if there's someone else there too.

Oh, and unexpected phone calls or people at the door - those are just...bad.

Yeah, there's a lot of everyday stuff that is hugely triggering. I do my best and mostly manage to function okay. As I've revealed more and more to my T, she continually tells me how impressed she is that I function at such a high level. There are days that I'm impressed I can function at all.

I am so sorry for all that happened to you. What kind of evil person does that to a child? I cannot even imagine doing that to anyone even in self defense. That is awful. It's totally understandable that you still have reactions to certain things.