[Christina86]

So that's it then. My therapist is gone now. I had my last session today with him. Talked about how I felt everyone was abandoning me (lots of people leaving soon ) and how I could actually tell them how much I cared about them, without 'guilting them' as I saw it.

I have some big issues with trusting people, let alone dealing with them leaving. Partly the fault of my parents, but oh well. So got to talk about some past experiences with people leaving and how I dealt with it then (not well at all... got suicidal, not fun). He seemed a tad concerned about that.

Gave him a card as a thank you for all his help that he's provided to myself and some other people I know. (He was doing his training through the chaplaincy on campus, so I got to know him fairly well).

I saw him for 8 months. The best of times, the worst of times.

And now I really want to cry and grieve over the fact I'll never be able to talk to him again. He was so nice to talk to. He told me I'm allowed to be sad, so I guess I'm taking him up on the 'offer'.

Need to remember to breathe, it's not the end of the world... it just feels like it is.

He told me to get into see a counsellor if I felt I couldn't handle everyone leaving, so I guess I might this summer. But once again, it's not going to be long term. He also told me it would be good to get into see a trauma counsellor to deal with the stuff I told him. That'll be sucky and hard. But at least he's given me lots of resources, I just need to follow through and use them.

I HATE getting attached to people and then them leaving.

Argh.

canders7, I've never become attached to a therapist or really any other person other than my husband (family included) so I can't identify with your feelkngs, but I know many people here can from their posts about their therapists.

I hope you can grieve in a productiive way & come through it being thankful for all he has done for you--which must be a lot for you to feel this way.--Suzy

(((((((canders)))))))))

I bet that is sooooo hard!! I hope you lean on us here and your friends to see you through. Thats what we are here for. Maybe this can show you that there are others who would be able to help you along. You are in my thoughts.

(((((((christina)))))))

What a hard time to be going through. I'm sorry.

I admire your strength, that you can tell yourself positive things at this time.

Of course you want to cry and grieve. You need to.

((HUGS))



ECHOES

[January]

((((((((( Christina )))))))))))

I'm so sorry this is happening to you. I'm here and I care.

Hugs,

Jan

[Christina86]

(((((((((((my friends)))))))))))

you are all so wonderful. thank you.

I went out, and bought myself a treat, but now the bad feelings are back and I think I'm going to go bury my head in the sand.

Thanks for all your support, it means a lot. It really does.



Love you all!
Christina

[Fuzzybear]

(((((((((((((((( Christina )))))))))))))) I'm so sorry, this must be so hard and painful. Thinking of you lots, we're here for you!

[jacq10]

(((((((((((((Christina)))))))))))

I know how hard this has been a very hard thing for you .. attachment of any kind can really take a tole on a person when it ends. When i had to leave my counsellor last year that i was very attached to it was one (amungst many) things to deal with .. but now that i've had some more time, i can look back and realize just how lucky i was to have that relationship in the first place. I know its hard now because it hurts so much ... but it was a good thing for you, and i'm sure you will find someone else to talk to should you decide to. No, it won't be the same, and no one will ever be able to take his place ... but not all change is bad, and i know you can get through this.

You have all of us here to turn to as well, and we care a lot about you!!!

Keep your chin up
Jacq xoxox

[Christina86]

((((((((((((Fuzzy + Jacq))))))))))))))))))

thanks both of you my friends

[lauren_helene]

Christina,

I can totally understand how you feel. I can barely reduce sessions let alone contemplate the ending of them...it does hurt that we won't see them again. It is so abrupt and final.

But, you can carry him around with you in your mind and remember all the good things he said and taught you. I'll bet you'll do just that. The mind has a way of promoting healing at the right moments.

[Christina86]

thanks (((((((((((almeda24fan)))))))))))))))

Thanks for your thoughts, I will remember everything he tried to tell me ... hopefully that makes it less painful.

Thank you

[SecretGarden]

hi there. I just wanted to offer my support as well. I do recall when I stopped therapy with my first psychiatrist. I still miss him and appreciate so much that he got me talking. I had to grieve as thought it was a death of sorts.... Just know that is acceptable. I wish you well..... and wish you peace. Give it time.

[Christina86]

Thanks (((((((((((((SecretGarden))))))))))))))

I hate waiting until I feel better ... blah. hehe

Thanks for your support, it is very much appreciated.

[allthegirls6]

Canders,

Im sad about this. I know it must be very hard to let this relationship go. It all seems very unfair. We are thinking of you

[sunrise]

canders, your story makes me sad. How very very difficult to say good-bye.

I hope if you resume therapy, you can choose someone who will be able to stay with you longterm, like perhaps the trauma counselor. I think repeated bouts of shortterm therapy and shortterm-destined-to-end-soon bondings with therapists could end up being harmful and make it even more hard to bond and share with a T in the future. When you are ready, I hope you can find someone able to make a commitment to you.

((((hugs))))

[sunrise]

</font><blockquote><div id="quote"><font class="small">Quote:</font>
SecretGarden said:
I do recall when I stopped therapy with my first psychiatrist. I still miss him and appreciate so much that he got me talking. I had to grieve as thought it was a death of sorts.... Just know that is acceptable.

</div></font></blockquote><font class="post">
I agree, I think grieving your T's loss is really important, canders. I tend to just stuff things inside and barrel on with life. But I'm learning it is important to allow oneself to grieve and be sad. In therapy a couple of months ago, it came up that I was still grieving the loss of a therapist/psychiatrist from almost 30 years earlier. I'd even forgotten I'd ever seen him, but certain things that were happening in my current therapy resurrected memories from back then, when I felt totally abandoned in therapy by the psychiatrist. This let both me and my T understand a lot better my fear of abandonment in therapy and my demands that he self disclose. I was able to grieve for his loss both in therapy and outside. I wrote him a letter telling him what I wanted to say (as an exercise, not to really be sent to him). It was a good, therapeutic experience and taught me how when I stuff away feelings like that, they really don't go away, but can resurface, still unprocessed, decades later.

[SecretGarden]

I agree with Sunrise... and was thinking that... Next time ask the person what their plans are for staying around. I suppose we can never really know but when we are creating and developing this most special of special relationships involving openning ourselves so thoroughly it is hard to experience what you are experiencing.

I am sorry again...and thinking of you...as I remember my own past loss.

Canders, my heart hurts as I read this.

I just want you to know that you are in my thoughts.

[Hopefull]

I told my current T not to leave me. I have a fear of abandonment because my parents divorced when I was three and my brother left to live with my dad during my elementary school years.
I remember my first psychologist and how he abrubtly terminated sessions. I didn't seem to miss him much. But, when my second T left the office. I had a major struggle with a strong feeling of abandonment. My T says that my friends will stay in my life. Do you have family or friends who will stay in your life? I like to tell myself that I will not leave me. I know this sounds weird but I like to talk to myself like I am a child at times. I would definately say that it is okey to mourn the lose of a T. I would mourn the lose of my current T a lot if she left me. I would probably write some therepeutic letters to her about how I miss her. I used this idea when my Great aunt and grandma died. I think it could work for you too. Also you have probably internalized a lot of what T says and looks like. I suspect that you can close your eyes and see him or her. I hope you find a way to mourn the lose of a very close and intimate relationship.

[Christina86]

((((((((((((allthegirls))))))))))))

You are (all) so wonderful.

thank you

[Christina86]

(((((((((sunrise))))))))))))

you've given me a lot to think about. thanks for that.

I would try to find someone more "long term" but the fact is that being at university and getting free therapy is easier for me than trying to go off-campus (I live in residence) and paying to see someone... since I don't have a job, and my parents can't ever find out about the therapy. They flipped the last time they heard I "occassionally" talked with a counsellor (my first).

I'm so very good at stuffing in emotions and past memories and hurts ... and look where that has gotten me. Absolutely nowhere, and in more pain. blah. I'll just never learn... (sighs)

Thanks for your thoughts

[Christina86]

thanks again (((((((((SecretGarden))))))))))))



I unfortunately knew he was going to be leaving in 8 months, so I suppose I brought this upon myself. I just pushed the "leaving date" out of my mind, and decided that I was going to trust him. And I did. And now he's gone. ouch.

[Christina86]

(((((((((((pinksoil))))))))))))

[Christina86]

(((((((((Hopefull)))))))))))

I am so tempted to tell everyone to not leave me, or not bother getting in a relationship with anyone. It hurts too much to have them always leaving me. It's never my choice either.

I have family that will always be in my life, but we're not close. I hate saying this, but they've done and said things that will never allow me to fully trust them ever again. And they're my family! My friends are all wonderful, but they're constantly leaving too. Thats another part to this story, lose a T, and I'm losing a lot of friends forever as well due to them graduating and leaving the country.

I just need to stop being so darn dependent. Shouldn't need anyone else but myself. Now that sounds weird.

thanks for your thoughts

[SecretGarden]

thinking of you this evening.... {{{{{canders}}}}}}

where to from here? Do you consider finding another therapist or have you met your goals for now?

You have lost a special relationship. Be good to yourself.