[ThisWayOut]

opinion question for you all: how do you figure out if you need more therapy or less?

I'm going through a lot of stress lately, and my t has been offering extra sessions when she has the availability. If I take the extra sessions, it's helpful in allowing me to get through the week a little easier. At the same time, the weeks she doesn't have availability feel really long and difficult. I don't want to get too dependant on extra sessions, but our time together is limited so I want to cover as much as possible...

I also struggle a lot with accepting the extra sessions when she offers them because I feel like I'm taking too much of her time (I have not asked for them, but called back and later accepted them after initially not being able to accept them in person. she's taken this in stride).

This is the first time I've been so conflicted about accepting extra support. For a long time, I would refuse anything additional and refuse to reach out even if things were getting out of hand for me outside of session. Then (maybe 5 years ago), my T at the time finally convinced me to ask for more help when needed. Now I feel like I'm back to not wanting any extra support because I again feel like I am not supposed to ask for anything other than what was initially offered (a bit of a bg on current moment, I'm in the middle of some messy transference with T where I react to her like I did to my f.o.o. They would have offered something "extra" as a test. If I took it, I would get in trouble for daring to think I was worthy of anything other than what was originally established as ok. I'm pretty sure T is not doing the same thing, but that fear is there. T is aware of transference, but I have not brought this up yet b/c I don't know how to voice it in the moment. I just freeze around the topic of the next appointment)...

With or without the extra sessions in a week, I cope however I cope, it's just a bit easeier with the extra sessions. I don't want to "burn T out" on me by being too annoying and needy.

I know I should bring this up with T. I will try again today if I can... Just looking for opinions and outside perspectives though.

Thanks.

[guilloche]

(((ThisWayOut)))

I think it's always hard, with lots of things (not just T) to figure out when we need more versus less. I struggle with this with things like... when I've hurt my back or ankle, when do things need rest ("do less") and when do they need physical activity ("do more") to heal. It always feels like such a confusing jumble, and with emotional things, I think it's 100x as confusing.

If you accept extra sessions, do they count against your limit with this T? Is there any concern that by taking extra sessions now, you won't have them in the future? Just checking...

If that's not an issue, I do think you should take them! You've got *so much* going on, and you have such a long history of getting started with Ts, but then not being able to finish (due to circumstances outside of your control). That seems like a really really painful to address things that are already full of pain. Like... being stuck in the first moment of therapy. Yikes. I think if you can get extra sessions and get some support with that, or perhaps even make a little more progress towards getting some of your stuff processed and bandaged up (so to speak), that would be amazing, and a real gift to yourself.

The transference reaction honestly sounds awful, I'm so sorry. If there's any way you can let your T know what's going on... even if you have to write it out... it might help her understand why you're having so much anxiety and stress around extra sessions.

(((ThisWayOut)))

[baseline]

Thank you This Way Out I am having the same issue! I don't know how to ask for what I need! I am afraid to be needy or dependent. Too late for attachment. I'm sure he knows which makes me feel ashamed. Don't know if or how I should bring it up. How can it help? I will be curious about the responses you get so thank you for posting!

[Coco3]

I've felt needy so many times, I've been afraid of taking up too much time and energy of my T. But my T always assured me that it was okay to reach out and that he can perfectly decide for himself if he wants to spend more time on me. I shouldn't fill in what he might or might not be thinking.

So if your T offers you those extra sessions and you need them, then I think you should take them.

[ThisWayOut]

Thanks all.

I met with T, and was way uncharacteristically bubbly and blabbering. I think she was shocked at how honest I was about a lot of stuff. This issue around session frequency wasn't something that came up though. She didn't offer extra time this week, but did offer that I could call her for a phone check-in if needed. She tried to assure me it wouldn't be annoying, but I told her I didn't believe her (I think this may have been a point she might wanted to have rolled her eyes at me, but it was a conversation as we were walking to the waiting room so she was behind me).

I think I'm kinda ok with that. I have some homework to do around some of the trauma stuff. That will be pretty involved, so I'm glad I have extra time to do it.

I'm really not sure what is healthy around my neediness. I keep throwing up walls around it so I keep her at arm's length again.

I don't think seeing her more times in a week takes away from the over-all number of sessions, especially since my time limit is roughly another 4-6 weeks at this point (at least, that's my internal goal for the move). I'm really hoping to accomplish at least something along the lines of my goals...

I wish I had talked to her about this, but I was all over the place at an almost manic clip (note to self, ease up on coffee in the morning when going to see T later in the day). I tried to bring some stuff up, but I kept being unable to voice the more "vulnerable" things. :/

We decided to just push through and do whatever trauma work we can get to. I told her I'd commit to showing up every week as long as she didn't bug me too much about how I was coping. I'm not sure she really liked that compromise but I was quick to engage her in another topic so there wouldn't be too much discussion around it.

Here's hoping this week isn't as dreadfully long as last week was, and that I learn to trust that T will only engage with me as much as she feels comfortable.

I found extra sessions helped me get to the other side of a crisis quicker.
I don't get hooked on the extra sessions, I actually find once the crisis is past, that I'm glad to go back to normal 2x wkly, as the extra sessions begin to feel 'suffercating' when I'm 'normal' again.

[ThingWithFeathers]

Originally Posted by ThisWayOut

Thanks all.

I met with T, and was way uncharacteristically bubbly and blabbering. I think she was shocked at how honest I was about a lot of stuff. This issue around session frequency wasn't something that came up though. She didn't offer extra time this week, but did offer that I could call her for a phone check-in if needed. She tried to assure me it wouldn't be annoying, but I told her I didn't believe her (I think this may have been a point she might wanted to have rolled her eyes at me, but it was a conversation as we were walking to the waiting room so she was behind me).

I think I'm kinda ok with that. I have some homework to do around some of the trauma stuff. That will be pretty involved, so I'm glad I have extra time to do it.

I'm really not sure what is healthy around my neediness. I keep throwing up walls around it so I keep her at arm's length again.

I don't think seeing her more times in a week takes away from the over-all number of sessions, especially since my time limit is roughly another 4-6 weeks at this point (at least, that's my internal goal for the move). I'm really hoping to accomplish at least something along the lines of my goals...

I wish I had talked to her about this, but I was all over the place at an almost manic clip (note to self, ease up on coffee in the morning when going to see T later in the day). I tried to bring some stuff up, but I kept being unable to voice the more "vulnerable" things. :/

We decided to just push through and do whatever trauma work we can get to. I told her I'd commit to showing up every week as long as she didn't bug me too much about how I was coping. I'm not sure she really liked that compromise but I was quick to engage her in another topic so there wouldn't be too much discussion around it.

Here's hoping this week isn't as dreadfully long as last week was, and that I learn to trust that T will only engage with me as much as she feels comfortable.

Given you wished you had spoken with her about it AND that she said to call her, would picking up the phone be something you'd consider?

[ThisWayOut]

Originally Posted by ThingWithFeathers

Given you wished you had spoken with her about it AND that she said to call her, would picking up the phone be something you'd consider?

left a message last night about the hw, then back-tracked about an hour later and left another message asking her to ignore the first one...

don't want to be super annoying with the whole "I'm not going to bug you" then turn around and bug her a bunch anyway...

she did give a time-frame where she would be more available for a phone check-in, and maybe by then I'll be back to being ok with bugging her for a bit.

I think I'm realizing I need to initially decline any offer of support before I can come around and admit I need it. thinking it's a combo of being SO worried about pissing her off and desperately needing to believe I'm self-sufficient...

[Coco3]

I've been through this so many times myself. I always thought I would annoy or piss off my T when I called one more time or when I sent one more email. I didn't feel worthy of his time. I thought he was going to get sick of me and terminate me.

But my T always encouraged me to keep calling and emailing when I needed him. He's only glad to be able to get me through a crisis. He's not bothered or annoyed or pissed off at all. He just wants to help me.

It took a long time to believe that, but now I do. Well, most of the time. When I'm feeling insecure, I tend to think I'm bothering my T more.

(((((((TWO)))))))

[NowhereUSA]

I guess I do it based on how stable I'm feeling. Like right now I'm struggling and it's very difficult so I've asked for two sessions a week and I've found that more helpful for coping.

I have a long term relationship with my T so I feel comfortable asking. I don't think he's ever offered. I just go, "Hey, do you have any openings later this week?"

Today I officially said, "Hey I might need two sessions a week for a while, can we set that up?"