Couch 92 Found my shoe

My old SIM has stopped working and my new SIM wont activate.
I am so sick of telcos...Besides email this is my only form of communication

Third wake up of the night. I can't wait for baby to start waking up less. This is exhausting.

I agree with you.. and I think she sees it too as well. Especially, since she can look back and see how my behavior drastically changed from the after it happened. Then, there was some medical issues that I had as a teen and proof that something had happened, whether it was consented to or not my mom should have probed further.. She didn't.

Though, it makes me so pissed off that as a kid I felt for whatever reason that I couldn't tell my mom and therefore not got the help that I needed as a child. BUT- my brother was getting help the same time that I needed help and I had no idea. That is what bothers me so much right now. I can't wait to talk to t about this all tomorrow.

Thanks. You're probably right. But part of the problem is that she's not making it any easier for me either. Yesterday evening I even told her straight up that I feel deep inside that it's time to stop and I told her why. No wavering, no tears. She said something about how it doesn't have to be just goodbye and that's it. Something about how she will always hold my process or something, I wanted to say give it back, I don't need you to hold it anymore. She thinks I want to end because I got close to some pre-verbal wound or something and am trying to run away from it, I wanted to tell her oh hogwash, you just don't want to let me go, I know I'm putting too much of the blame on her here, it's partly me not wanting to let go, but dam. She makes it sound like therapy is forever and it's not supposed to be. What the hell is wrong with wanting to be on my own? I feel like she's to blame here as much as I am. She made the comment again that I don't need therapy anymore, that I haven't for awhile now, then the part about how she will always hold my process or whatever. She senses my grief and instead of letting me talk about it and helping me deal with it she cuts off the appointment halfway through and says let's talk again in 2 weeks. Argh. I should have said no, let's finish this RIGHT NOW. It's going to take a huge blowup on my part to break away from her I think. And now I am going to be late to work because I just keep typing. Oops.

I am making Thit Kho (Vietnamese caramelized pork) today.

Today's bus jam:

Gonna have a ridiculously busy couple of days, hope you all have a good Thursday and great weekend!

So you were the old lady who lived ON the shoe?

The shoe is almost creepier to me than the cat.

AAAHHHH

My insurance wants me to do mail-order. Can this be easy? No. No it can't. I've had to call the pharmacy insurance, my local pharmacy, my doctor. Apparently that little button on their website to switch to mail order doesn't actually do anything.

Just being able to figure out what really happened to me, in terms of how people around me treated me afterwards, was EXTREMELY enlightening for me. It answered so many questions. I saw my life in a completely different way. It was like - oh, everybody thinks THAT about me. Not to sound paranoid or anything! And i still had to do a lot of psychotherapy work to change. But still. I didnt check anything out with anyone because i know my mother is a liar lyington, but she told me enough other new stuff to make things add up.

Im excited for you. I think it will be like a hard fog lifting. Not fun, but at least clearer now.

I know, right? Now maybe if it were a nice low Birkie...!

Speaking of Ts. I see mine for a second session today. I really hope I don't get triggered. I'm thinking I'm going to leave early and go eat lunch somewhere and calm my mind.

I know I have to work on stuff. But I reaaaalllly don't want to. I'm quite skilled in this area of being avoidant. It's taken six years for my T to pick up on it :-/ And that's not for lack of trying. I have a knack for deflection.

I'm getting this in a whole different area. No kind of trauma involved, just learning how my mind works based on a test I had years ago that nobody had explained to me until last week ( high verbal intelligence but low executive function) and how that works irl. I'm in the process of reevaluating everything and it is exciting. And need to work through A LOT.

Didn't mean to hijack or minimize abuse, just going through something with similarities.

I think that describes me. My t asked me how im planning what to declutter next. Im like,

Hahaha - I suppose! It was my "chair" at my vanity when I was in high school/college.

I think I am going to use the next 2 weeks to regroup and not think about therapy at all and take a break from PC as well to just live my life and not think about t or therapy at all. Wonder how long that will last. Well we shall see. Be well everyone.

Mmmm, I love that stuff... I may have to make another trip to the Asian store for some oyster sauce...

Come back soon Art! We'll miss you!

Tell him you're going to polish your new doorknob

Man oh man. Insecurities are creeping in again.

My T may be the most patient and accepting person in the entire world. I wish I were better at expressing myself on here, so I could write about it in the Positive experiences thread.

Dropping in to share this link with all the resident opera fans:
How To Tell If You Are In A Gilbert & Sullivan Operetta

The comments are great as well.

I am minorly miffed with my T. I emailed him and he responded to the part about my daughter, but not any of the rest of it. Okay, so it was a bunch of whining... But... Once again I am only important for my usefulness to other people!!

My T has gotten too good at knowing how to get me to deal with things.

O.o o.O