[PinkFlamingo99]

You know, a few months ago I wouldn't have even been able to read this post because it would have triggered the hell out of me. But I thought there was something wrong with *me* because of my painful attachment to my T of 5+ years. I didn't know why I had so much anxiety and fear around this relationship. But reading here made me realize it's not just me, it's really, really common. Even for the people who claim to have only "positive" attachments, there is serious pain and anxiety under the posts... Yearning. Very few people in this forum really seem happier with therapy.

This is making me think this field is seriously messed up. It seems to so easily cause more problems, even if it doesn't end badly. I technically haven't officially terminated with mine yet but I realized after she hurt me, and I grieved, and woke up, how much anxiety therapy itself was causing me. How can it be good to cause that much of a dependence, especially one that they can just take away (and so many people's stories here have broken my heart because the pain is SO real), and pull the rug out from under someone so vulerable?

I was in so much pain when I first realized my T was hurting me. When she wouldn't answer my phone calls after my surgical complication for a week and a half I literally thought my heart had broken... But now I finally feel better, 3 months later. I thought I was too vulnerable and I could be so easily broken if she abandoned me, but after over 5 yrs in therapy I feel a million times better now that fear of loss is gone and that messed up dependency is gone.

Really makes me wonder... A lot of therapists seem to just make things worse. Immoral ones and just plain BAD ones. It makes me really sad. I also wish I had never gone into therapy with this woman. So much wasted time and money... It's messed up. Because we are desperate for people to care. It seems like we're easily exploited because of that desperate need.

[PinkFlamingo99]

Another thought... My step sis is a therapist. All she did was a 2 year MA program and an internship. Really not that much training. And a lot of it was fluff. But many of them seem to pass themselves off as the intellectual elite or something.

[stopdog]

The ones I see don't try to be intellectual (unless they really are trying but failing miserably) each state has its own rules for getting licensed and some degree programs are sorely lacking.

[PinkFlamingo99]

There isn't much regulation here at least.

[ofthevalley]

I don't think there is much regulation here either.

I think you are right about a lot of things you say but also tgerapy can be very positive. The profession needs more regulating against therapists who are not trained properly. I think that if you have attachment/ trust issues it will be harder to experience a positive outcome because things are more complicated for us.

[missbella]

Originally Posted by PinkFlamingo99

But many of them seem to pass themselves off as the intellectual elite or something.

I definitely saw this in my therapists---more than intellectual, they pretended to be sages, masters of Life, with omniscience, clairvoyance and condescension thrown in. I see this grandiosity in so much writing by professionals as they tell everyone else their shortcomings and how they need to fix themselves. I belong to a group on a completely unrelated topic with a counselor member. She's offers unsolicited "life lessons" in between her own self-promoting and declarations about her caring. She holds herself up as a relationship counselor.

[PinkFlamingo99]

[QUOTE][hink you are right about a lot of things you say but also tgerapy can be very positive. The profession needs more regulating against therapists who are not trained properly. I think that if you have attachment/ trust issues it will be harder to experience a positive outcome because things are more complicated for us./QUOTE]

True, but I kind of wonder how many people who seek therapy DON'T have some kind of trust issues? Even if we don't have traumatic childhoods, that sense of "otherness" that comes from having a mental illness creates some type of disconnect in social situations often, I think...

[PinkFlamingo99]

I definitely saw this in my therapists---more than intellectual, they pretended to be sages, masters of Life, with omniscience, clairvoyance and condescension thrown in. I see this grandiosity in so much writing by professionals as they tell everyone else their shortcomings and how they need to fix themselves. I belong to a group on a completely unrelated topic with a counselor member. She's offers unsolicited "life lessons" in between her own self-promoting and declarations about her caring. She holds herself up as a relationship counselor.

Thanks for this, it made me laugh and I was having a bad night!

[PinkFlamingo99]

Omg. I am too old to work this forum on my phone and I'm only 32. Just pretend those quotes worked! Haha.

[SkyscraperMeow]

Originally Posted by PinkFlamingo99

Even for the people who claim to have only "positive" attachments, there is serious pain and anxiety under the posts... Yearning. Very few people in this forum really seem happier with therapy.

I think this is very important. Attachment to therapists seems much more negative than positive. Because here's the thing, things you attach to in life, like good friends, family, pets, they're all supposed to be a real part of your life. Not someone you pay to see once per week.

Therapists manipulate our natural tendency to love and care for those that are important to us, and turn it into profit. It's as simple as that. They charge you for you to feel your own love. It's not even their love. It's what you project on them.

And, while some clients might enjoy the attachment while it lasts, you don't have to go far on this forum to see what happens when that attachment is disrupted. It's life threatening, in some cases.

Of course people with 'good' attachments are anxious. They know their precious relationship ends when the bills stop being paid. Honestly, I would go so far as to call therapy emotional prostitution. Therapists sell themselves by the hour to the emotionally needy.

And that's why there's all this nonsense about boundaries, etc. If you think of the therapeutic relationship in that light, it all makes sense. A prostitute doesn't want her clients following her home, or intruding on her after the hour is up, neither does a therapist. Therapists expect clients to take their dose of care and bugger off until next week when they pay for another dose.

What you wrote is true, but most people here don't want to hear it because they don't want to think or believe their beloved therapist could hurt them like many have been hurt. They go down the road of blaming the client for the bad therapy and that's okay with me because I understand how painful it can be to even think your therapist could cause such severe damage.

[SkyscraperMeow]

I agree. And you can tell that there's a lot of anxiety in the attachments, because of how people freak out when their therapist is gone for a period of time. No matter how much people kid themselves that their therapy is 'good' for them, they seem to still be in a place where the absence of the therapist causes immense pain.

And people blame themselves for that, because they think it's a product of their issues. It's not. It's a product of becoming hooked on someone who can never be what they've manipulated you into thinking they can be.

You're not missing your therapist because you have attachment issues, you're missing your therapist because your therapist has damn well created an attachment issue by convincing you that you need to pay for care.

If you weren't screwed up before you went into therapy, you have a really good chance of being screwed up after.

[PinkFlamingo99]

Exactly... You guys are spot on.

But you know what? I wouldn't have wanted to read this post in October or November. It would have triggered my anxious attachment to the point of frenzy. So I don't blame anyone for not believing it. I would have believed it was different with my therapist.

Reading people's posts here has been "therapeutic" for me because I realized I don't have superfreaky abandonment and trust issues... Unless we all do? It's natural. We're in pain and we want to believe in it. It's not just me...

[PinkFlamingo99]

I'm still laughing about the prostitute comment. Shameless

[PinkFlamingo99]

At one point I was even willing to look the other way when my therapist began to make subtle suggestions OUT OF NOWHERE that I have DID (what??) based on absolutely nothing.

And then told me the makers of Diet Coke just use the same recipe as regular Coke but put a different label on it (lying and saying it's sugar free)

Anyone else and these two things would have had me running for the hills.

[Gavinandnikki]

Originally Posted by SkyscraperMeow

I think this is very important. Attachment to therapists seems much more negative than positive. Because here's the thing, things you attach to in life, like good friends, family, pets, they're all supposed to be a real part of your life. Not someone you pay to see once per week.

Therapists manipulate our natural tendency to love and care for those that are important to us, and turn it into profit. It's as simple as that. They charge you for you to feel your own love. It's not even their love. It's what you project on them.

And, while some clients might enjoy the attachment while it lasts, you don't have to go far on this forum to see what happens when that attachment is disrupted. It's life threatening, in some cases.

Of course people with 'good' attachments are anxious. They know their precious relationship ends when the bills stop being paid. Honestly, I would go so far as to call therapy emotional prostitution. Therapists sell themselves by the hour to the emotionally needy.

And that's why there's all this nonsense about boundaries, etc. If you think of the therapeutic relationship in that light, it all makes sense. A prostitute doesn't want her clients following her home, or intruding on her after the hour is up, neither does a therapist. Therapists expect clients to take their dose of care and bugger off until next week when they pay for another dose.

I had to comment on this! Despite my love, yes love, for my therapist, I regularly called her my prostitute. Except she was far more costly than some dude I could pick up on the street.

I pay you. You are so THERE for me ----until the 50 minutes is up. Then it's time for the next customer.

[SkyscraperMeow]

Originally Posted by PinkFlamingo99

At one point I was even willing to look the other way when my therapist began to make subtle suggestions OUT OF NOWHERE that I have DID (what??) based on absolutely nothing.

And then told me the makers of Diet Coke just use the same recipe but put a different label on it.

Anyone else and these two things would have had me running for the hills.

Sounds like you missed out on having a real cool diagnosis, there Flamingo. DID could mean a new house for your therapist, sorry, I meant a life time of totally essential therapy at a reasonable price of tens of thousands of dollars.

(I know I sound flippant, it's actually very scary. DID isn't something you throw out there. It's so rare and so controversial a therapist better be darn sure before making even the suggestion of a diagnosis, and actually, I think you'd need several high level consulting psychiatrists on board to make that claim.)

[SkyscraperMeow]

Originally Posted by PinkFlamingo99

Exactly... You guys are spot on.

But you know what? I wouldn't have wanted to read this post in October or November. It would have triggered my anxious attachment to the point of frenzy. So I don't blame anyone for not believing it. I would have believed it was different with my therapist.

Reading people's posts here has been "therapeutic" for me because I realized I don't have superfreaky abandonment and trust issues... Unless we all do? It's natural. We're in pain and we want to believe in it. It's not just me...

I think fear of abandonment is probably fairly central to the human condition. I am sure some people have it worse than others. I am also sure it's something any therapist could point to for anyone and have it be somewhat true. Humans are social animals. Abandonment = death.

As for trust issues, again, we are social animals heavily reliant on language which is a perfect tool for lying or obfuscating the truth. Trust issues are in most cases, common sense.

[PinkFlamingo99]

Sounds like you missed out on having a real cool diagnosis, there Flamingo. DID could mean a new house for your therapist, sorry, I meant a life time of totally essential therapy at a reasonable price of tens of thousands of dollars.

I actually just laughed so loud I terrified my dog

[PinkFlamingo99]

Yeah... My stupid pdoc had only diagnosed me with depression and OCD. Guess if she were qualified to diagnose me she would have schooled him. Good thing she's not.

I think there's a lot bad therapy out there.
I can't say that is a fact and I know it to be true because I only have my own experience to go on.
It took me a lot of years of ineffective therapy until I came to the T I have now.
Results aren't based on 'happiness'. Therapy isn't there to make you 'happy'.
I'm not on a crusade, I tend to find what I need and do it. I'm sure other people will also find what they need too.

[growlycat]

I'm having a bad week or two. And I am seeing the downside of attachment in therapy. Unfortunately, to do the work, I feel like I need it. Is it possible I don't? I have no idea, I'm way too close to the situation to tell.

I don't post on here very often but this thread really got my attention. I'm going through a similar situation, my therapist is leaving the community mental health clinic I go to after a year of seeing her. Because she wants no contact with me after she leaves I feel rejected and that I'm not good enough or that I'm "other". Even though I knew this would happen when she left, it still hurts and it feels cruel. To do this to people is complete ********. It's also because I'm so alone and feel like I don't matter to anyone in this world that it's really hard to deal with. I even suspect that this entire therapeutic relationship was a total lie and I was sucked into this attachment.

I thought some might find this post I put up on Mad in America interesting.

Mainstream therapy, psychology or whatever name you want to give it, is by its very nature, cold, uncaring, and cruel and does little to actually change people, the way they feel about themselves or their circumstances.

I believe the core problem underneath so called "mental illness," is the belief by the person suffering is that they are not loved, valued or accepted for who they truly are. The symptoms of this may be manifested in different ways. Some will create a reality of their own to escape into a imaginary world , some will become extremely depressed, in others they may be violent or have intense hatred for other people, Some will become narcissistic to make up for the core belief they are not good enough. The reasons for developing this belief can vary but many in cases it stems from childhood abuse, physical or sexual, neglect, or all of the above. For others it maybe that some just can't live up to society’s standards of attractiveness, relationships, or financial success . The reasons can be complicated.

Therapists are taught never to reveal anything about themselves so there's no relating with the client. They can never be friends with the client even if they want to. They can't give or except gifts. In other words a therapist is supposed to have a wall between the person their suppose to be helping and themselves. True love and compassion is to never be shown and it is real love that really changes a person. Some will attempt to show these things during the sessions but love without any action is dead and meaningless. Sometimes the client will come away from the session feeling a little better but ultimately they know deep down inside the therapist probably doesn't really care about them or at least that's the message communicated by following these ridiculous rules. Maybe some therapists actually like it this way since it means they don't actually have to do anything except prescribe meds and listen to the client. Some therapists are extremely fake and can't stand the client and laughs at them behind their back even after the person has opened up to them about embarrassing personnel traumas. In the real world we would call this cruel but psychotherapy considers this ethical standard practice.

In many cases the client will come away feeling even more hurt, uncared for, and even traumatized after going to therapy. Sometimes the client may even commit suicide. But Psychology is never held accountable; it's always the clients fault. In some ways it's almost similar to a abused victim being blamed for their own abuse.

The mental health system needs serious change but the problem is those who work in it seem completely ignorant or don't care about the pain they cause.

By the way I don't mean to cause any one else to doubt their own therapy but I'm in a lot of pain, hurt and a little angry.

[bounceback]

I agree with you Scott. Your post was touching but true and made me cry. I am also going through a similar thing. I am moving in October and I know for a fact that my therapist who I have been seeing for six years will not want to stay in touch with me or anything. I wish I wouldn't get attached to people. For me she is the one who listens, pretends to care, hugs me, everything. It is hard for me to make friends, have relationships. The friends I do make are usually toxic and I feel they really don't care about me. I hope the ending doesn't devastate me. I am already dreading it.