Scared I'm not getting better and that my t will want to end things

I know it's hard to notice the changes we make while in t, sometimes we just don't see them. I know I'm not the same person I was when I started t - that I am more able to speak about myself. Heck, I was a shaking, trembling little thing barely able to string a sentence together when my t first met me and, now, I can actually talk in session. But I'm still struggling with

I feel like I have to hide the extent of the challenges because I don't want to let my t down. I don't want to be the client who is constantly in crisis and doesn't show signs of improvement. I don't want her to worry and I don't want her to think she isn't helping (because just having her helps me). I don't want her to decide I'm not getting better and that it would be best if we terminated.

How honest should I be? How long will she put up with me and my MH issues for?

Hello,
to me this sounds like an unhealthy relationship.

I mean when you cant even be yourself and be honest and have to worry that she might just give up on you then what's the worth of this?!
If she'll simply dump you and move on to the next patient then you should try to find out if this is so and if it really is so then losing her as a therapist would be no big loss.

But it seems like you already depending on her. I think this is dangerous. I also notice that I can also start to depend on persons really fast and then it feels like I cant go without them anymore. This makes me question if therapy is worth taking the risk of causing additional pain.

I think you should try to find out what kind of person she is and wether she'll really dump you when you dont "function" the way she wants you to. To me it sounds absurd to dump a patient when he doesnt make enough progress. Why would she do this? Cause SHE wants to feel good about herself and feel like she fixes people and those who dont get better simply get replaced? This would be absolutely sick!

Also ask yourself why you think you need her. Is she really that good?
Think about the things she says to you. How much of this is really helpful?
How much does she say at all? Or does she only listen and ask stuff?
I noticed that when coming out of a session it is VERY hard to really tell if it was
good or not. You have to go through it later on and think it all through and then you
often find hints which show you wether it was helpful or not.

I disagree with Alecc, I don't think it's a necessarily an unhealthy relationship. I feel this way with my T all the time. I finally brought it up to her, and she was so understanding and reassuring that she wasn't going anywhere and how it's important to be honest with her.

I think facing it head on and talking with your T about this would be best. It was hard and scary, as I have major fears of rejection, etc, but in the long haul it truly helped.

I was in therapy for around 10 years with my most recent therapist. For about 7 of those 10 years, I was in really bad shape: very unstable mood, hospitalized 14 times, really struggling to get my bipolar symptoms under control. I WAS that patient who was in constant crisis, but I never really worried that my T or my pdoc would terminate me because I wasn't making progress. My pdoc did send me for testing and a second opinion, not to get rid of me, but just to be sure he wasn't missing something, that his treatment was on target. My therapist at one point said he would understand if I felt I needed a different therapist if I felt I wasn't progressing, but that wasn't because he was trying to get rid of me; he was just reminding me I had that option.

They stuck with me through probably the worst years of my life, and both were constantly very reassuring that they would continue to work with me to try to find a solution. I eventually starting emerging from those crisis years, and will be forever grateful for both my T and pdoc's patience and willingness to keep working with the complexity of my case.

It is vital that you remain honest with all of the professionals who are working to help you. They can't help you if you hide things from them. You might consider talking to your therapist about your fears and see what the response is.

I could have written your post, just about word for word. Just know you're not alone in this.

Don't think u r giving your T enough credit. She has stuck with u so far. Has anything changed? U are not responsible for how she feels. She can take care of her own feelings + hopefully she is showing u how to take care of yours. I don't think she needs u to make her feel like a good T. How do u know what she thinks is a good patient. Perhaps for her a good patient is one who has a crisis + is willing to work thru it + be honest with her about what is going on with them. Don't think u will let her down by telling her honestly what is going on and what u need help with. That's her job. If everthing is fine, then what do u need her for? It sounds like she has helped u a lot, let her help u some more.

I could have written this. Lately I have been so anxious to go to therapy. I'm a mess and I'm afraid that if I tell her everthing, she would think it's worthless to continueing therapy. But just seeing her and talking to her does help me, even though I'm kind of stuck at the moment.
I actually wrote this in a email to her yesterday. I was totally honest about what I have been thinking and feeling the last couple of weeks. I trust her, but I'm still scared she would terminate.

I think it's best to be honest to her about you feelings.

Talk to her. Be honest. Tell her how you're doing and what you're scared of. It's the only way you'll really ever know. Ask her to be open with you about what circumstances might cause her to refer you to someone else. I think you have the right to know that. Only she can give you these answers. Don't just think she'll give up on you, but talk to her.

It takes as long as it takes. Even if your T got frustrated, you don't deserve that. You hire her, it is your freedom to decide why.

I used to have some of the same fears, once I even made a list of how I was improving just in case she thought I wasn't. Well, now I am mostly better.

It's not that she has indicated this, just an inherent feeling I have. Yes, I am dependant on her (I fought v hard not to be but, with trauma issues and after 2 years with her, I am). I'm not sure if it's healthy or not. I always care about others feelings more than my own, it's not isolated to my t. She talks a lot in session and is v attuned to me, and is a great match for me. I don't pay to see her though, as she works for a community organisation, and I'm not sure when she will say that we're done. I have no control over when I am no longer eligible for services and that is causing some of the concern.

No, nothing has changed. You're right, my t is a strong and compassionate person. Maybe I'm not giving her enough credit ? Hmmmm ...

Yes, it takes as long as it takes is something she has said before. Problem is, I don't hire her - the services are offered for free through the organisation. So that's one of my difficulties in having autonomy in receiving services.