I want to call him... but....

... i feel like an idiot. he stressed to me 1000 times that i could call. tomorrow will be hard... knowing i could have seen him, had my schedule not changed. he told me i could call if i found something in the book i want to tell him about... feels strange. i joked with him that when i find something in the book that strikes me, i would call him so he can highlight that part and be prepared to discuss it on friday. feels like i should be in crisis to call him, but i really just wanna hear his voice. i seriously want to call and just be like, "hi. what's up?" knowing me, i'll do something stupid to evoke crisis just for a reason to call. can't do that. manipulative behavior is unique in its difficulty to control because of the awareness. it's calculated, but still not entirely conscious. i know it's wrong. but i still do it.

Your post touches me this eve as many are.... seem to jab me a bit here and there... my own journey. Ouch.

There are similarities and differences.

I think that this is still part of the effort of your T to connect with you or moreso the other way around. ... one of your key issues. This is his wishing to have you feel connected....even with the reduction of visits.

What shall you choose to discuss. That too must be relavent to your journey...on some level. Food for thought... keeping you thinking and connected even in absence.

Sg said it well....I want to add that one time I called my t and said, ''I feel so alone, I wanted to hear your voice'' She just 'sat' with me for a minute or two and when I felt comforted I said I'm ok and I hung up. She was a very warm and caring t and wasn't stingy about providing the necessary comfort and soothing.

blah. tuesday. would have seen him today. want to call. was going to do something stupid last night to give me a reason, but ended up increasing my meds (pdoc's orders), fell asleep on the couch, then went up to bed. i guess it's better that way.

oh the agony of wanting to connect soooooooooo much but soooooooo afraid, the internal conflict that causes!

(((((Pinksoil)))))

You really took care of yourself last night. It is so hard and I admire your courage. Why don't you call and ask T for a suggestion in the book? You can tell him you're having a hard time figuring out what to discuss and that the transition to 1x per week is as difficult as you knew it would be.

Good luck today & take care.

I think you should reach out to him. He gave you permission and he understands fully that you need to connect with him periodically to internalize what you are learning.

Go get that book, find something beneficial and take the chance and call him for a few minutes. You won't know how it will effect you until you try it.

I am very proud of you. You're really working hard on this.

Withit... that sounds nice. Just a small visit.... and on with the day.

Pink... Why not try on for size the idea of calling without a reason. He has welcomed your calling. You deserve this...even without SI or some reason.

(( pinksoil ))

I very much admire your candor!

(((((((( pinksoil ))))))))

Your post ...."jabbed" me too big time..... and like ECHOES I admire your emotional honesty, openness and insight. I especially like this part ...."not entirely conscious" ...

hey, thanks everyone. i didn't call him today. i'm thinking of calling in a little while.... but i don't know. all the times i have called in the past have been late at night so that he can get back to me sometime the next day. i am feeling sad, but i'm not sure if i really am, or i'm just putting it on so that i have a good reason to call. i think it's a bit of both... a cycle, really. i have been reading the book, picking out the parts i want to tell him about.

happy birthday pinksoil

Happy birthday to you happy birthday to you happy birthday dear Pinksoil, happy birthday to you...

and many more~

well no wonder you want to be in touch with him, pink--it's your birthday as well as everything else going on!

Happy Birthday to you!

Enjoy yourself.... What shall you do today? New shoes?

Happy Birthday --- This is a day to celebrate all that you have accomplished, and it sounds like you have accomplished lots! Congratulations!

AHHHHHH!!! THANK YOU EVERYONE!!!! 26. Technically no longer in my 'mid 20s' lol.... does this mean my emotional age and coping skills have increased to the level of a 3 year old?? i sure hope so... hahaha....

Pink you're funny...a three year old...

I'd say your coping skills are in line with your age!

<font color="teal">Happy Birthday, pinksoil!!!</font>

</font><blockquote><div id="quote"><font class="small">Quote:</font>
Technically no longer in my 'mid 20s'

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I consider mid-20s to be 24-26, so I think you are still there!

Call your T on your birthday! Go for it.

Happy Birthday Pink! I'm going through what your going through about calling your T. Today I finally left him a voice mail. Just hearing his voice was so sooooooothing. It just makes me feel calm. I'm going to feel so stupid when he calls me back. I'll be seeing him on Saturday.