Hard time calling T? Warning: TRIGGER

I have been in a bad place where I am thinking suicidal thoughts and I don't want to call my T. She has said (very seriously) that she wants me to call her if I am thinking of acting on my feelings. The problem is, I get in this place often and I don't want to call to much or rely on her to much as I know in the back of my mind she won't always be there forever. I am already attached to her and don't want to become more attached. Has anyone ever felt like they couldn't call out of fear of attachment or calling to much? I am able to email her but she doesn't respond for two days or more and her responses are short.

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I'm sorry you are struggling so much with all of this.
I have trouble reaching out also. I always worry about being too needy or annoying, or getting too attached. It's a tough spot to be in... My personal stance (for myself only), is to sit through whatever I can sit through, and keep my promise to T: to reach out if I think I may act on any of the ideas. If I am feeling particularly needy, I will contact the lifeline chat or a crisis line to get me through some of the worst of it. I've tried not to bug T too much unless it's something really distressing. I also feel a strong need to keep my promise to T. When she made me promise not to act on anything without reaching out first, I kept the promise. She also knew I had a lot of trouble contacting people I may not know, so it kinda gauranteed her a call or me waiting to speak with her in person.
If T is normally genuine, reach out as you need to. You can also have a conversation with her around your fears of becomming too needy or attached. She may be able to clarify her boundry and/or help reassure you that it really is ok to call.

I understand where you're coming from. I feel like I have a sort of hierarchy, where if I'm a bit upset or stressed, I'll e-mail T, knowing I likely won't hear back from her. If I'm really upset and hoping to hear back, I'll leave a message on her office voicemail, figuring she'll eventually check and call me back (which she usually does). I do have her cell, mainly because she's called me from it, but I haven't used that yet. I asked her recently about using it, and she said not to call just to chat, but I could call if I had to change an appointment. From the way she said it, I assume I could also reach her there if I'm in crisis. So I'm trying to use that only if I'm feeling really bad. I have yet to call her there, but there's probably a couple times where I should have. I have the same fear of annoying her. I even worry about an e-mail sent after the session with some new insight or leaving her a voicemail on her office phone. But anytime I ask her about it, she says it's fine. I'm scared to use her cell though, if it's not during office hours, because that's much more intrusive.

(I won't go into the marriage counselor stuff and contacting him because that's a whole other, much more complicated, issue.)

What happens when you call a crisis line? Do they send you to the hospital? What do they say?

I am in the same boat as you. My T urges me to call her when I need her...even if it's 2 o'clock in the morning. I desperately want to reach out to her in my darkest hour, but parts won't let me. So I'll make a deal with you...you promise to call your T when you need her, and I'll promise to call mine.

As for crisis hotlines, I stumbled upon this article just the other day:
http://blogs.psychcentral.com/being-...r/discuss/945/
My own personal experience with two I've used before were annoying. Both wound up being invalidating and useless. Based on some of the comments in this article, I don't think I'll chance using another hotline again.

Its a deal Thank you. You made me feel a little better.

I have found Samaritans excellent. You can email and they get back within 12 hours.

It's been hit or miss the very few times I've called the us national hotline. Normal I just access their chats. On the chats, they talked to me about what was going on. We would come up with a plan on keeping safe for the evening or day. Some chats lasted over an hour, others were only a few minutes. The nice thing about the chats I'd the ability to simply close out the window.
I've called local hotlines before also. Several years ago, when I was really struggling, I had some pretty crappy experiences with them (Including the police and emt's showing up at my door without me asking for it), but I've also had some better experiences. I've found if I'm calling a local hotline, it's better to call one I have some history with. The t I just ended with works at an agency that also runs a crisis line. When calling them, they would talk to me about whatever I was calling about, and also leave t a message (or get in touch with her to talk if she was in the office at the time). They understood that I was able to ask for more direction and help when needed, but most of the time I just needed to talk to a safer person. They never once sent the police to check on me. It was a huge help in being able to reach out when I needed it...
I much prefer the chats though. I have a really difficult time speaking on the phone, more so if I'm stressing. Is easier for me to type...
I've heard good things about the Samaritans also, though have never reached out to them...

I'm glad! And ditto!

I didn't know they had a chat. How could I access that?

National Suicide Prevention Lifeline

The wait is sometimes long. There's a "form" you have to fill out to be able to chat, you don;t have to put any of your real info on it, though I might suggest being honest about why you are seeking support (sometiems the chat operators will refer back to at least the "what brings you here" piece. I've never had them get upset when I put random stuff though. There's one agency's form that asks you to supply an email even when chatting anonymously, so I just put anonymous@anonymous.com and it goes through...