[ThingWithFeathers]

Sometimes, like at the moment, I feel really bad telling my T that I'm not doing so well. I know she's my t and that I shouldn't be too concerned about her emotions and thoughts, but I can't help but feel awfully guilty about reporting my decline in MH when she's worked so hard to support me.

Anyone else get this feeling?

No, not really. If I'm not doing well, the first people I am likely to pick up and call are my therapist and my pdoc. That is what they are there for. That is what their role is in my life and my treatment. I know with pretty strong assuredness that they absolutely want me to call in those moments and honestly would be aggravated with me if I didn't call early and proactively and allowed things to deteriorate when they might could have helped me earlier on.

If you aren't doing well, that is exactly when you need to call on them for assistance. Hope you can do that for yourself.

[ruh roh]

Yes, I get that feeling. Then I do what lola says and reach out. It's fine. I think they expect that it's a curvy, bumpy road.

[peaches100]

Yes, sometimes I feel that way. My therapist works really hard with me and makes many suggestions about things that may help me in my healing. I recognize that many of the things she's tried and suggested that have worked for others have not been all that effective with me. So I feel like I require much more thought and effort than many of her other patients. Because of this, I do at times feel badly that I haven't made progress more quickly and easily. That's not to say that I haven't made progress because I definitely have. But I seem to progress at a very slow rate, and nothing for me seems to be an easy fix!

This past week, I felt like I didn't make the best use of therapy time and felt bad about it, but it wasn't anything I did on purpose. I just felt stressed out and kind of blocked. I could tell my t was trying different ways to get me to open up or focus on my feelings. I could see her making effort. But I just couldn't seem to get in touch with them, and I couldn't think of good answers to her questions.

Thankfully, it's rather rare for us to have a therapy like this (maybe only 1 time every 3 months or so), but whenever it happens, I do feel bad about it. I don't want my t to think I'm not trying hard enough, or that I don't want to be there. I noticed she stopped the session 5 minutes early too, which usually never happens. So I felt bad about that as well, wondering if she gave up because she saw that no work was going to get done this week.

[Suraya]

Yes. I hate telling her I'm doing worse. Often I downplay the extent to which I'm feeling bad.

[ScarletPimpernel]

I now worry that when I'm struggling, that T will leave. I worry she will feel that I'm not benefiting from her and think I need a "higher level of care".

I also feel bad because I feel like I'm wasting all the effort she is putting in to help me. And I feel like I'm a disappointment.

I have actually hid my decline in mental health from people in my life: my family, ex-T, ex-counselor. Instead of reaching out for help, I stayed in my misery for 6 years. When I finally told them, they reassured me that I wasn't a disappointment and were proud of me for finally reaching out.

[Chummy]

Yes. Last week she was asking about how I'm feeling. I'm now 5 months back in therapy and she asked if I felt that there was progress. I wanted to tell her there was, but I should be honest to her and I didn't feel that there was progress. She's such a good T, she has so much patience with me, she tries different things with me. And I still feel as bad as 5 months ago. I'm so slow. And I feel guilty for that. I feel like I'm much more of an effort than her other clients.

[ThisWayOut]

I can relate...
Like ScarletPimpernel, I worry about being refered-out and T leaving (happened enough times).

[LonesomeTonight]

I can relate, too. But I've also come to realize that in order to help myself, I need to be as open and honest about what I'm feeling as possible. Even if it makes them feel bad. I figure that my T and marriage counselor have been in practice long enough that they've probably heard everything and don't expect everyone to be a quick fix. I feel like I may seem at first like I should be a simple case because I'm fairly high functioning. But I'm also good at putting on a happy face and pretending like everything is OK. In the T's office is the one place where I shouldn't have to do that. If I do, then I'm not helping myself...

[PinkFlamingo99]

Me too. If I do something "unhealthy" or just a general decline, I always feel the need to check if she's frustrated with me.

I have had that opposite fear about getting better too.

[Petra5ed]

Yeah totally . I can't talk about my SI thoughts for this reason. It's more difficult/ embarrassing for me to talk about SI than it is to talk about masturbating.

[musinglizzy]

Yes, I understand this feeling very well. I feel bad for feeling bad all the time. When she asks me how I'm doing, I struggle to tell her the truth. Lately I've felt pretty alone in my life and like I'm not worth the air I breathe. It's hard to sound like a broken record. No one wants someone who feels depressed all the time. So sometimes I don't tell all, but she can usually see through it. That's part of why I struggle with the thought of leaving her. She knows me too well. And I'm getting to the point of pretty much knowing what she's going to say about things without having to ask her.

[ManOfConstantSorrow]

Yes, often. But there is a reason for feeling bad and a reason for feeling bad about feeling bad, and they are generally not very helpful reasons.

Your T could help you examine these reasons, and that could lead to progress.

[ThingWithFeathers]

I hadn't thought of talking about it with my t before, but maybe I could. Hmmm...