Felt like I was just reporting to T today

Trigger for talking about H's terminal illness and impending death.

Therapy is different now. It's about waiting for my H to die, not knowing how to prepare for it. He seems to accept it but that seems weird. Today I reported to T what's been going on for 2 weeks, but I didn't feel anything. Her hair was in a pony tail and she looked kind of blah. I felt kind of blah too. She asked if I knew how to find information about our finances, which I'm trying to learn. There's so much practical stuff to deal with.

I'm seeing her next week. Idk. I feel sort of like I'm pushing her away when I need her now. I don't deal well with death. I don't want to face this intruder who has come into my life too soon. I've never lived alone. I don't think I'm facing the reality of losing my H soon. It's like Twilight Zone but I know it's for real.

My T emailed an article to me that she thought might help. She's reaching out to me but I feel like there's something between us. I'm in my own world right now but I know I want her support. I don't want it to be like when my Mom died, and I shut down.

I don't think that's too unusual. When my mom was sick and right after she passed I wanted to be alone. But I also wanted people to reach out to me. I just didn't have the energy to explain the circumstances to many. I was also seeing my T and didn't feel much emotion in my sessions. Maybe it's a way for your mind to protect yourself.

Just keep trying to talk to her and explain that you feel this way.

Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

Well, youve been practicing reaching out to her over these past few years. There was a thread here recently asking something like, are you close to your t? I told my t my answer was that we could get there when we needed to. I think you can too - its still a new habit for us so its not REAL comfortable to start off, but it doesnt have to be like it was way back when. I would be surprised if it were.

I am very sorry for what you are going through

Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

I'm so sorry Rainbow. Keep talking here. Reach out to T if you need it.

I'm so sorry...

I like using the one I see to tell about the illness - she usually can stay back and I can talk about it without having to deal with all the goo that friends want to say. For me, the reporting and not having to deal with others responses is useful.
I am sorry you are going through this with your husband.

You (both) are going through so much rainbow.... there is no proper way to deal with the situation and you (any one of us, really) can only cope as best we can, from whatever life throws at us.

Just keep reaching out for T if/when needed. T seems to really care about you, so i doubt she’d take any pushing away the ‘wrong’ way, if that makes sense or simply just let you shut down without doing anything about it.

I am very sorry rainbow. Best to you and your H..

My t is being supportive of my ordeal with my moms cancer and she consistently asks even if I don't bring it up. I do find it comforting. She seems sincere

Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

Rainbow, so sorry that you and H are facing this challenge Love, care and peace to you.

I think I would also pull away a bit from my therapist. If I poured it out to her, I might not be able to hold it together enough to function through such a difficult time. I'd try and keep my pain close, even deny the pain, simply so I could get through my day.

I am sending you such warm and caring thoughts, Rainbow. Please come here, as often as you need to, to vent, cry, seek support, and lean on your PC friends. You deserve it.

[
First, thank you for all the hugs. I appreciate them a lot!
QUOTE=Soccer mom;4547109]I don't think that's too unusual. When my mom was sick and right after she passed I wanted to be alone. But I also wanted people to reach out to me. I just didn't have the energy to explain the circumstances to many. I was also seeing my T and didn't feel much emotion in my sessions. Maybe it's a way for your mind to protect yourself.

Just keep trying to talk to her and explain that you feel this way.

Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk[/QUOTE]
Thanks, Soccer mom. I don't have much energy now even though my H doesn't require any specific care now. I'm getting over a cold which is zapping more energy. I don't feel like doing or talking much.

Thanks. hankster. Yes. I can get there when I need to. I like that. Just because I'm not sharing a lot of emotion with my T ATM doesn't mean I can't. We're very close.
Thanks. divine.

Thanks. growly. I do feel comfort from the people in this forum.

thanks. Lonesome.

I think I get it, SD. I'm sorry you're going through this too. People often say unhelpful things but they don't mean it. My T just listens. If that's what you mean by staying back. I've never quite understand what you mean by that.

Thank you, Rive. Yes. Ironically, my T's specialty is loss and grief.

I'm sorry about your Mom but glad your T is helpful.

Thank you, ThingWithFeathers.

Thank you, Gavinandnikki. Maybe I'm denying the pain. I'm not sure what I'm doing.