I have been seeing my t for a year and a half now and she has really brought me through the impasse and supported me unconditionally. We agree on most things but last week we had a major disagreement and I felt I was being bullied into doing something I didn't want. We have begun to talk about CSA after a long avoidance of the subject.
My t asked why I never said his name and I replied because then you would have to report it. She said "but he should be reported, why are you protecting him anyway and how do you know he has not done it to others, there may be children at risk now. Do you not feel guilty or responsible for these children?"

I sat in silence for the rest of session. I was in shock, I don't want to report this man and I am sorry I ever said anything to her about abuse, she asked me on our first session had I been abused.
It kind if feels like this is ts counter transference coming through again and she was pushing me too much and letting her agenda get in the way. I know she is being ethical and must report if a name is mentioned but I don't want to go down this route of reporting. I would appreciate any advice on this

Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

[alcibie1]

I'm so sorry you were asked/told that. My counsellor has often pointed out that I won't "name" what happened i.e. call it abuse but she says it for my good. Your therapist may well be saying what she's saying thinking it's for your good but going about it in the wrong way with this degree of emotional blackmail.

I honestly think you have to go with your instincts. If you are not ready to report him, don't feel able to, whatever reasons, they are yours and no one should pressure you. I don't really know how to phrase this properly but my understanding is that as children we had control taken away and whatever the process is or isn't now needs to come from you with any and all supports that you need.

I am sorry; that sounds really a really hard session xxxxx

Ps want to add...you are not responsible in ANY WAY at all for the actions of this person in the past or present xxxx

I agree with her. I think abuse should be reported to protect victims today if there might be any. I think laws need to be changed so that there is no statute of limitations on bringing charges against abusers. I think as children we were powerless, but I think as adults it is our responsibility to try to protect any victims. I used to feel differently, but I have changed my mind on this issue. I'm not saying any abuse now is anyone other than the perpetrator's fault, but I do think we need to do all we can to protect potential victims.

[iheartjacques]

So we have no safe place to process the past without further action being taken? Why can't we talk about it to get ourselves through it and leave it?

I don't think she is under any obligation to report unless she suspects children are currently being abused. Is that the case? In my case, I've never had a therapist say they would report what happened to me. I was an adult when I started therapy, and if I wanted to report that was up to me. It sounds like she doesn't have any specific knowledge of current abuse, so I call her on B.S. here. In this case, I definitely would NOT give her the name if she's planning to go all rogue on you. I'd also find a different therapist.

A few articles on this issue. I forget whether you are in the U.S. or not. Are the laws different where you are?

Ethics Rounds--Reporting past abuse, Part II

https://askthepsych.com/atp/2012/03/...rt-past-abuse/

[Chummy]

First, you are not responsible for whatever that man has done in the past or will do in the future. She shouldn't have ask you if you feel guilty, because you haven't done anything wrong and you don't have to feel guilty.

You don't have to report him if you don't want to. You don't have to do what she tells you if you don't want to. I think he should be reported. But it is about you. You should do what's best for you. If you really don't want to report him, tell that to your T and tell her why you don't want to. If she keeps going on about it, then maybe you should look for another T.

[precaryous]

Not every victim/survivor is in the position to report. It is not your responsibility to formally report the abusers past abuses. Your therapist needs to have your best interest at heart. Your welfare, mental health and physical health come first. You need to process what happened to you.

You may, at some time, want to explore what it would mean to report the abuser. Your T should not be guilting you into doing so. If you two cannot agree about this, then I would look for another T.

I did what you are doing...I withheld the name fearing matters would be taken out of my hands and I would be forced to participate in things that I couldn't deal with. Indeed, that is what happened.

Sometime, in the future, you may feel you want to report the abuser for many different reasons. But that should be left up to you.

I agree with others who have said that because you're an adult and this happened when you were a minor, it's totally up to you to decide when or if you ever report your abuser. It's an entirely different issue if you were discussing with your therapist a situation in which you were in contact with this individual and knew that he/she was in direct contact with minor children--leaving open the possibility that the children were in danger of being abused, and even then it's your decision.

I have a real problem with your therapist laying a guilt trip on you. In my opinion, that's not her job. Yes, it's fine for her to talk about whether or not you know if the individual is in a position of power over minor children, but it's not okay for her to ask, "Do you not feel guilty or responsible for these children?" I'm guessing that is an issue you struggle with internally without her making it worse, and it's an issue you should be allowed to explore without her guilting you. I know that I talked a lot with my previous therapist about how I felt that I failed my best friend by being able to "get out", leaving her behind and never looking back or talking about it until years later.

I think the other issue that bothers me about your situation is that I truly believe that it's YOUR therapy and you need the space, support and empathy to explore this issue without your therapist imposing her needs on you. You might, at some point, decide to report this individual, but it's your decision. I know that many therapist will very openly let their client know that they must report a situation of abuse if it involves a minor or a situation in which they know that children are at risk--in other words, they let their client know that if a specific name is mentioned along with specific current information that indicates children are at risk, he/she will have to report. This lets the client know that it is in their hands whether or not they speak the person's name in the therapy session.

I am all for protecting children, but I believe that in many ways, a therapist's job is similar to a lawyer's job in protecting the confidentiality of their client. It's fine for a therapist to explore the issue of reporting the abuse, but by allowing the client to make the decision, he/she is giving an abuse survivor the ultimate power of possible retribution. I always try to believe that I would be strong enough to protect other children from a sexual predator, but I also know that the issue is complicated. In my job, I was a mandated reporter and believe me when I say, I saw many many predators walk away with nothing being done after I filed a report; this allowed the abuser to continue wreaking havoc on children's lives. It didn't stop me from filing a report when I suspected abuse, but it was very discouraging. Reporting doesn't work in the majority of cases from what I've experienced, but that doesn't mean it shouldn't be done; it just means that it isn't the magic bullet to stop abuse that many of us are lead to believe!

I am also a mandated reporter and know that even with minor children LIVING in current abusive situations, often very little gets done due to lack of evidence. So how a therapist thinks reporting a past abuse situation of a current adult will have any effect, I have no idea, unless the abuser is a current parent, etc. AND there seems to be some evidence that current abuse is going on. Otherwise, I suspect, very little to anything would come of it.

Originally Posted by lolagrace

I don't think she is under any obligation to report unless she suspects children are currently being abused. Is that the case? In my case, I've never had a therapist say they would report what happened to me. I was an adult when I started therapy, and if I wanted to report that was up to me. It sounds like she doesn't have any specific knowledge of current abuse, so I call her on B.S. here. In this case, I definitely would NOT give her the name if she's planning to go all rogue on you. I'd also find a different therapist.

Wanted to add: I am not someone quick to say a person should find another therapist. This, though, would feel very threatening to me. Reporting is no minor matter, and no one has the right to reveal that kind of information about me without my permission now that I am an adult and not in danger. I don't take kindly to threats. It is a huge trigger for me, and this is threatening behavior from this therapist.

Unless you know of specific endangerment currently to any children, you are completely within your right to have this remain confidential and to have the right to report stay firmly within your control.

Thank you everyone for the replies, I am not in USA, I am in Ireland. There are different laws here and currently they are in the middle of changing the laws around child first, it's called and if you mention a name they will have to report it and look into it.
I felt threatened and blackmailed by this, for a whole hour it was as though she was trying to shame me for not reporting him. I said he wasn't around children anymore and has had a major heart attack in recent years and is no danger to anyone. She asked if I could prove that and said he should pay for what he did. It didn't feel right for a therapist to want to report it so much. It wasn't even about me or my well fair it turned into her agenda, which makes me fell sad and not trust her anymore. I think as clients we have a right to decide in reporting.

Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

If the law is about child first, and currently there is no child in danger, then she needs to back off. Is she misinterpretting the law?

http://www.oneinfour.ie/content/reso...n_May_2012.doc

Yikes. This must be what you are talking about in Ireland. I find it coersive to deny therapy to clients if they refuse to report. Horrendous coersion.

https://books.google.com/books?id=fm...0abuse&f=false

Another explaination of Irish rules on reporting past abuse. ( Have to squint a bit). Sorry, but I find this horrifying.

An article from an Irish therapist who does not agree with mandatory reporting of past abuse

Counselling and sexual offences

Yes that's it and everybody I know including lots of therapists are really against it. Therapists are losing business over it and clients are not going to therapy anymore because they are afraid to mention abuse. It's a really sad situation for people who have been abused because they are being silenced again

Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

[nottrustin]

How horrible. I can't imagine why she is not being supportive of you. T and I have had this discussion quite a few times. We are on opposite sides than you and T. I have wanted to report my abuse and another family member who is I know has had relationships with under age girls. T has strongly discouraged me. She feels that with how things are for me now it would be too much. Plus the chances of anything being done is very slim. She tells me I can't put myself through such harm in order to protect everybody else.

[Ad Intra]

This really puts you in a hard place. In the past your T had been nice but now she seems like she's trying to manipulate you.
I had the same problem. I went to therapy because I was abused as a child and the abuser was my step-mom. My step-mom and dad have a young daughter and I told my T the name of my abuser and sister more for clarification sake. My concern was that I was not sure if there was abuse going on or not. When I would see my sister I would check and make sure. There were some concerns of neglect, but I helped fix those. Personally I would have reported if I knew there were problems.
Nevertheless, I assumed my t thought different of me because I never reported. For that reason I assumed she didn't like me.

[JaneTennison1]

How awful. Your T's main priority should be helping YOU. Adding to guilt or shame, bringing hher own opinion into this situation is not only not helpful but dangerously harmful. How you proceed depends on how you feel about this T. You could mention to her how this made you feel, you can leave and talk to a new therapist. You can proceed how you wish as you have control. I don't think this policy overall helps anyone trying to deal with this. If I had reported I probably could have stopped any more abuse but trauma is not that easy and the feelings are far more delicate and complex.

[rothfan6]

She's overstepping her role in my opinion. My t brought up that I might reach a point where I want to tell my family (my dad was my abuser) because living with the burden isn't tolerable anymore. Just to prepare me that my feelings might change, but he's never pushed that I report it or tell anyone. She doesn't sound like she has your best interest in mind.

[Favorite Jeans]

The thing is that CSA usually disempowers the people who endure it. You are so vulnerable and confused and frightened and have all these feelings of shame and worthlessness and whatnot. Therapy is not supposed to further disempower you. Therapy is supposed to help you build yourself up and feel in control. Your therapist pulling that kind of power trip on you achieves the exact opposite. It puts you right back into a disempowered frightened place.

Also as a practical matter: I don't know what happens in Ireland when an adult reports that they were abused as a child but I can't imagine it's that different from anywhere else. Which essentially means nothing happens to the perpetrator because there's usually not enough evidence to convict. The victim on the other hand has to relive this terrible trauma and her credibility and mental health and sexual history are brought into question. So as much as I'd love for CSA perps to be brought to justice, that's rarely the outcome of making such a report.

[Lauliza]

I just want to let you know that as a t in training, I am a mandated reporter (or will be). If you were a minor your T would have to report your abuser, but as an adult there is no such obligation. I am actually appalled at your T for being so judhemental and actually trying to make you feel guilty or responsible for anything this other person does. You were a victim and are in therapy to process what happened to you. She has no place telling you what you should and should not do. Personally, I think she acting like a bully and if anyone is unethical it, is her. If she doesn't change her attitude I might think I might look for a new T.

Originally Posted by Lauliza

I just want to let you know that as a t in training, I am a mandated reporter (or will be). If you were a minor your T would have to report your abuser, but as an adult there is no such obligation. I am actually appalled at your T for being so judhemental and actually trying to make you feel guilty or responsible for anything this other person does. You were a victim and are in therapy to process what happened to you. She has no place telling you what you should and should not do. Personally, I think she acting like a bully and if anyone is unethical it, is her. If she doesn't change her attitude I might think I might look for a new T.

. . . except she is in Ireland and they have just recently passed a reporting law concerning past abuse (take a look at the links I posted). I don't know how they expect clients to be able to develop and trust in therapy when basically their confidentiality is not guaranteed under this system. Basically, a client who doesn't want to be at the mercy of this system can never reveal specifics about their abuser, which bears the natural effect of eroding trust. It's pretty horrendous.

[unaluna]

I agree with lauliza. For an adult who experienced csa, it is not automatic that the statute of limitations will be waived - the court has to decide on an individual basis.

Otoh, if there is a child in the household who may be currently in danger, then i think the mandated reporting applies.

But i also see the point of many of the posters here - by ALLOWING a person to file a criminal case, why must the law then FORCE them to? The sites i read said, hey the govt has to pay for all the mental care for the effed up kids, so yeah they have the right to force them. My interpretation - like if you call the cops to your house for dv, somebody is going to jail. Its a crime against the people, not the spouse per se. Same thing. Itll be nice the day this is NOT a shock to us, but an of course! That is a beginning for childrens rights. I also read about not locking kids in the house - thats false imprisonment. That made my day.