[Cinnamon_Stick]

I had my session with my T today. Before my session I felt really bad that I hadn't seen her for a month and after today, I wont see her for another month. During my session I did not get to say everything I needed to say because an hour goes by so quick. After my session and still right now I am depressed that I only get to see her once a month or every three weeks or so and I want to see her everyday. I want to be in her life forever like her kids and husband get to. I am having a really hard time with this. How do I deal with "therapy depression"? How do I accept the role she has in my life and be happy with that? How do I deal with this intense attachment and transference I have with her? I feel like its is consuming me.

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[Inner_Firefly]

I have no answer except to say I understand. It is hard isn't it, to wish you could see her every day like her family does. Instead you are stuck with only one hour, once a month, which goes by so quickly. Is there any way she can see you more often? If not, can you make time pass more quickly between sessions? It really is hard and I am sending you lots of good wishes.

[BonnieJean]

Perspective might help a tiny bit. The way she is as a therapist is not the way she interacts with her kids or husband, I'd imagine. True they get to be with her everyday but her time spent with you is fully focused on you. Realistically it wouldn't be that way if you spent time with her in real life. That being said, it sounds like you get to see her way too infrequenty. I used to burn some of that energy for longing for t by working on projects to give her. Like cards, art or craft work. I hope you find some ways to help you through this rough patch.

[musinglizzy]

I somewhat understand. I understand what the poster said about T not being the same person we know in therapy, but I also understand wishing you could be a part of your T's life. Earlier this week, I saw a picture of my T on a website for a yoga studio. She's an instructor there (must be a new instructor, as I'd never seen her listed there before). I felt sad. WHY? Part of me wishes I could know her in THAT surrounding. Not this T/client relationship crap. Because of dual relationships, I couldn't attend her classes. I was really sad to see that, not sure why. Except that I wish I'd met her under different circumstances. We have so much in common. Big difference between you and I, I see my T twice a week, and have for over a year. Although she's on vacation right now so I have a two week break. And I'm ok. I'm thinking about her today because it's her birthday, but I'm not missing her. Not like other vacations, where I have. Although it seems whenever she's gone, I think more and more about working on a termination letter. I have one written, from back in May...but I started another one. Suppose just doing that helps me figure things out. But, I very much understand therapy depression. I am more depressed now, for added things, than I ever was before I started therapy. But I keep going, because I'm attached, and even though she's made some questionable decisions and hurt me, I can't imagine not having her around. Masochistic....perhaps. But I am angry with her, and quite fond of her, all at once. I don't wish she was my mom. I don't have ET. But I do like her as a person a great deal. And I would terribly miss her if I left. So I have to weigh the pain I feel now vs the pain of not having her at all, and I think like you. I want to learn to accept the role she has in my life and be happy with that. Because, she's probably worth so much more to me as a T than she would be as a friend. It's still hard. I missed my first of four sessions I'll be missing with this vacation today....and honestly, I was busy this afternoon and didn't even think about it. But for some, it hurts more in the beginning, then fades. For me, I'm thinking next week will be the tough week. Maybe I'm wrong. Guess I'll see...

[AnxiousGirl]

Originally Posted by Cinnamon_Stick

I had my session with my T today. Before my session I felt really bad that I hadn't seen her for a month and after today, I wont see her for another month. During my session I did not get to say everything I needed to say because an hour goes by so quick. After my session and still right now I am depressed that I only get to see her once a month or every three weeks or so and I want to see her everyday. I want to be in her life forever like her kids and husband get to. I am having a really hard time with this. How do I deal with "therapy depression"? How do I accept the role she has in my life and be happy with that? How do I deal with this intense attachment and transference I have with her? I feel like its is consuming me.

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That is hard no lie. Right now I'm not going to see my therapist for a month (she's gone for 2 weeks and when she gets back I have exams for another week). It does suck. But I dont know if this will help but this is how I look at it. You want to be strong right, you want to be independent and not have to think about needing anyone. I look at it and when I start to get this way I just say to myself "I'm strong and i dont need my therapist because I'm sure she's not there being upset that I'm not going to see her for a month" so go out, see friends, workout, watch movies, enjoy the month and that way it'll go by way faster and you won't even think twice about it. Goodluck!

[Soccer mom]

Does she know about your feelings for her? I would think, if so, she would see you more often unless there's a financial reason your sessions are every 3-4 weeks. If she doesn't know, you definitely need to tell her.

I think the attachment and transference will get easier to bear with time. My most painful moments were when I really didn't understand it all and I was still grieving for what my mom didn't give me. Have you figured out why you have the feelings? What they are about?

I have told my T. many times I wish we could be friends and that I get jealous thinking of her out with others (esp since we live in a small town). She's pointed out several things. Instead of focusing on what I don't have, focus on what I do have. I have more intense 1-1 time with her than most others. We have a relationship that isn't like her friends. She also once told me when she goes out with others or talks to other people, they start to tell her their problems wanting advice. Sometimes she gives it and other times she doesn't because (in a way) that shouldn't be her role with them. I guess it would get old if everyone asked you advice all the time even when not with your clients. I also had a T. once tell me that they think about their clients more than their friends - it's a whole different relationship. Hope that helps.

unfortunately, I think the only way through your pain is to feel it, grieve what you aren't getting from her that you wish you had and try to talk to her about it. If you can't talk to her right now, then right about it so you release some of the feelings. I really know how deep and dark the hole is. Over time it will get more shallow although you'll still fall into it and have to climb out again. I'm standing on the edge right now but know I could slip into it again anytime. It is one of the most painful and difficult experiences I have ever been through.

[Cinnamon_Stick]

Thank you so much for the hugs and responses. It helps me to think that my T is not the same person when she is not in the office. I am very thankful to have her in my life at all and that she is my T. Its just hard sometimes to handle the attachment I have for her. I don't want to need her or be attached.

I am not sure I feel its appropriate to give my T gifts. I have thought about it and making her something sounds like fun as I love to do crafts but I don't know if I should.

[Cinnamon_Stick]

Originally Posted by Soccer mom

Does she know about your feelings for her? I would think, if so, she would see you more often unless there's a financial reason your sessions are every 3-4 weeks. If she doesn't know, you definitely need to tell her.

I think the attachment and transference will get easier to bear with time. My most painful moments were when I really didn't understand it all and I was still grieving for what my mom didn't give me. Have you figured out why you have the feelings? What they are about?

I have told my T. many times I wish we could be friends and that I get jealous thinking of her out with others (esp since we live in a small town). She's pointed out several things. Instead of focusing on what I don't have, focus on what I do have. I have more intense 1-1 time with her than most others. We have a relationship that isn't like her friends. She also once told me when she goes out with others or talks to other people, they start to tell her their problems wanting advice. Sometimes she gives it and other times she doesn't because (in a way) that shouldn't be her role with them. I guess it would get old if everyone asked you advice all the time even when not with your clients. I also had a T. once tell me that they think about their clients more than their friends - it's a whole different relationship. Hope that helps.

unfortunately, I think the only way through your pain is to feel it, grieve what you aren't getting from her that you wish you had and try to talk to her about it. If you can't talk to her right now, then right about it so you release some of the feelings. I really know how deep and dark the hole is. Over time it will get more shallow although you'll still fall into it and have to climb out again. I'm standing on the edge right now but know I could slip into it again anytime. It is one of the most painful and difficult experiences I have ever been through.

Yes, I have talked with my T about my attachment and transference many times. Its financial reasons I see her every three weeks or once a month. Yes, I know why I am having these feelings. My T is helping me through this I am just having a rough time at times.

I do not want my T as a friend. She told me she doesn't have time for friendships and can't even call her friends because her life is so busy so a friendship would not work. I am seeing more and more that her role as a T is better than anything I could have. I just need to believe it more and keep telling myself that. I just at times want more. It sucks.