Dear T: I need to tell you something but I don't know how part XV

I wish you had a spare session tomorrow. I'm finding it hard to be kind to myself.

T i guess if you don't get in touch sooner than my scheduled time on thurs I'll just call and we can do a phone session. I want to cancel but should not run away from the email i sent you on the 6th....much as i hate the subject....

Sent from my LG-H345 using Tapatalk

Trying to decide if you are a scam artist like the rest of them.

Dear MC,
I love that you told H and I how you thought of us while you were at the beach with your family over the weekend--and that you specifically thought of us while walking over the sand dunes because we told you last summer about our having sex on the dune late at night (and getting caught by the police).

Also, now I'm picturing you in a bathing suit

10 days until we can talk...The thoughts won't come out of my head unless I write them down so guess what I'll be doing for the next 10 days. Thanks (not really) for flippin' the switch on my "blender" again. And it was quiet for quite a while, too!!

Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa

You are finally back tomorrow! I am so excited yet so scared at the same time.

I am afraid I might cancel please help

dear T

i told you that the voices were telling me you were going to rape me tomorrow and i felt nervous because you didnt respond and i thought you were offended but you texted and said you arent offended and that you understand.

i am glad you understand. i was worried you were offended because i believed the voices. i dont really understand it... so im glad you do. it was pretty horrible and i am so glad they have gone away. i see you tomorrow, i hope i dont feel weird about it. so just act normal like u always do. we can play cards. and talk. and i will be ok

me

(
I wish you and her (not the gf) the equivalent amount of pain and suffering that you both CHOSE to bestow on ME. That' right!! You knew exactly what you were doing, you continued to do it for years, YEARS!! and you did it without ANY COMPASSION WHATSOEVER. Neither one of you apologized or explained your atrocious behavior. Apparently, neither one of you answer to anyone!! Grown bullies is what you are. Demons. You had no reason to hurt me like this. You are both severely stunted in maturity and are just plain miserable.

T, I'm so glad you suggested that I go back to yoga I forgot how much I love it. Thank you!

I wish I'd never met you. But I end up wishing I'd never met anybody. That's the problem.

i swear i don't know what to think

I just want you to hold me. I don't think I would ever let go.

Dear MC,
Awake in the middle of the night thinking of you. Wishing I were laying next to you right now, feeling comforted by the sound of you breathing as you sleep.

_

One day you will wake up and it will be too late.

I can't believe I was teary talking to you about the movie 'Inside Out' today. I didn't think a kids movie could have that sort of affect on me, but it was like watching my childhood all over again, from the inside. Except mine didn't have such a happy ending.
(Side note - anybody who has any internal conflict or trouble with emotions, particularly the effect early memories have on the formation of our emotions, should see this movie. Whether you have kids or not.)

Dear Pdoc,

Today you're there. In your office. Talking to people. Of course you do that every day, but on other days you're at an other location. Today you're at ''my'' location. Talking to people who aren't me. I wish I could see you more often. I know I don't say much to you, but it's hard for me to get used to talking to you when I see you so little. If I could see you as much as my T, I think I would open up to you. I think talking to you would be good, nice. But you're only my pdoc. And I envy those who can see you more often.

Im using and I don't care what others think I'm being safe

blank
it's a blank page
and i don't need you
and i don't want you
so
there you go.

I'm actually enjoying not having therapy for two weeks.the holiday is doing me good. When I compare this to summer hols last year, I feel like I've really moved forward, and that's good. Not so dependent on you, or needing your opinion so much.

BUT, I still want to sleep with you, that feeling is back. Two steps forward and one step back I guess. I've made some decisions this holiday and I don't know if you'll approve but I'm ready to share!

Darling T,

I have a blog full of letters I write you (besides the ones that I give you each session).
One day I'll give you the link.
Probably on our last session.
Years from now.
Thanks for standing by me.
Thanks for always being there.
Thanks for being one of the great ones.
Please don't break my heart.
Please don't change.

EM

and
i lie sometimes
too.

After weeping a few times in last week's appointment, I'm embarrassed to come tomorrow. I will, of course. But I'm embarrassed.

Now i am so nervous to see you thursday. Please don't be mad at me ok?

Sent from my LG-H345 using Tapatalk