self destruct

You're not willing to take meds. You're not willing to be open and honest with your doctors or your parents. You don’t agree with the members here on PC. You know something is wrong because you're miserable. You think buildings and trees don't want you, that there are demons, and voices in your head. You think this is common, yet then why do you hide it from people. You're against the very words, "psychosis" and "delusional" which clearly describe your symptoms. And the person who has been most unclear with grammer and sentence structure is you

So how can we help?

No i do genuinely not know what they mean it is not about not answering the question. I dont know what i want right now well not from you anyway.

You are starting to really annoy me i already said if anyone wants me to clarify then they can ask and i will. the same way i ask if i dont understand and i explained why i didnt understand as per request as well. Also i as said before already i did tell my psychologist quite a bit of this stuff just not the specific issues raised on this thread and you have no clue what i am willing or unwilling to do you can help by leaving me alone if you are going to be so rude and hurtful.

Eden, I have felt the same things as you for so long. The demons, the racing thoughts, the need to destroy everything and even sleepless nights. All I have been able to do is just stay in my room honestly, I think its very brave of you to even talk about all these things, I wouldn't be able to because of my paranoia and antisocial tendencies even on here. Although many may disagree, what I did was just wait it out. That is all I have been able to do all along.

Thank you. Thank you for not judging me and getting mad at me or telling me how horrible i am ensconce.

Lol true I type on my phone and pay no attention to details or grammar. Not like I am writing an essay here. Lol and you knew what I said. I am honestly surprised you noticed my errors as you don't follow any grammar rules in your posts at all. I in fact thought English isn't your native language ( mine isn't)

But honey no matter how much you dissect or criticize my posts or how many errors I make, it won't cure your mental illness. That's the thing. Sad but true. You are clearly smart and you have bright future if you only get the help you need. That's what everyone else tells you on PC.

You are upset with people here but at least we care! You aren't telling people in real world whAts happening but you told us so we worry

I am also shocked where are your parents in all this? Why don't they notice you need help? 17 or not, do they see your hands are bleeding?


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That's why I asked if there are adults in
All this like explaining the results or what not

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I wasnt criticising your grammar YOU asked why it didnt make sense to me so i explained why it didnt make sense and what i wanted clarified i wasnt saying that people have to have the best grammar here and i know i dont use it that wasnt the point i ONLY wanted CLARIFICATION on what you meant that is ALL. And for the last time i DID NOT understand what you meant far out i am so sick of this. That is why i dont use grammar because i am so freaking frustrated with all this ****.

And no my parents dont notice and they dont really care they only care about themselves and my younger sister considering i am the failure of the family they would rather pretend i wasnt there. My mum really only cares about her self and my dad is trying to pretend he isnt still an alcoholic so no there are no parents who would take any real interest the only thing that might care if i was gone qould be the dog and maybe my rabbit.

Any other relatives you could turn to for help? Or even, say, a teacher or a friend's mom?

Also, I didn't know you had a rabbit! What does he/she look like? I had a huge tan rabbit when I was a kid and have always loved them.

I don't have any close friends and and all my relatives live overseas except for a few which live 5-6 hours away. My rabbit is an albino Netherland dwarf.

it just kinda seems like no matter what is said you always have something to come back with about how that wont work, wont help, cant do this or that. so maybe that is why people are starting to ask about what you are seeking here by posting

I get the impression that you're going to have to implode before things get better. Hopefully it happens at school so professionals will be in the front of line and not your parents. Based on your posts I have seen around the forums, you suffer from psychosis. You're also in an extremely invalidating and neglecting family environment. You try to keep everything a secret from the professionals trying to help you and refuse to give medication a fair chance. Something is going to give eventually. I hope you receive the care you need when it happens.

Ok the reason I am getting mad is because you all keep telling me how I feel or what I think about something or why I do something but none of you have any clue and I don't just mean wether or not I am psychotic I mean everything you seem to think you know every little detail about my life but I don't share everything on here either all I wanted from this thread was to vent and maybe some support not people telling me how I feel or what I am or who I am or why I do things because you don't know I know but you don't none of you are me and none of you can make assumptions about my feelings/wants/desires/needs/willingness/beliefs because I don't share everything on here and none of you are me I never asked for any of you to tell me what to do or how to do it or give me your opinion about me and my life all I said was how I was feeling that was it and then you continue to tell me how I am and what I am and then expect me to just be happy with you because you all think you are right and I am wrong when it isn't about that either I never asked for any of the things you supposedly tried to help me with all I wanted was an outlet and now you have all ruined that for me as well.

We all just want you to get help and feel better...We're not judging you. We just want you to find the support you need. I'm on the other side of the world, so there's only so much I can do. But know that I keep checking on your threads and posts to make sure you're still with us.

You might but there are some other people here who seem to want to upset me.

Eden,
No one here is trying to upset you. If you get upset by what is said, that is your part. Everyone here wants you to get the help you need to feel better. To be happier and more calm. To have more peace.

No one, at all, is deliberately trying to upset you. That is the truth.

Ugh you still don't get it.

We're listening to what you say and saying it back to you. If we get it wrong you need to tell us which parts exactly we got wrong.

Guess not.

I totally understand the need to just vent. I have my own issues with ideas that people think are unprovable, but have learned to only share with my therapist who does not go off the deep end over it. I think you are looking for people to listen.

The problem is that this would mostly be a diary entry with hugs. Having people weigh in is a sign they are interested in helping, even though it ends up feeling like a dog pile.

From what I've read, I don't think anyone is trying to cause you distress, but if that's the result, then how you feel is all that matters.

I tried that and it didn't work I got in trouble and you all got mad at me.

Thank you but don't think how I is feel is what matters at all well at least it doesn't seem to be it seems that all that matters to people here is that I .do what they say and agree with them because if I don't then I get told hoe horrible I am I just hate people making assumptions and saying stuff about me that is wrong and then thinking they are right and then telling me I am wrong about MY own feelings when they are mine and I know how I feel.

Since your parents are described as being dreadfully dysfunctional, something you should know is that people who are not like your parents respond to such expressions of distress by wanting to quickly come up with solutions and push you to get yourself proper help. That is normal. Your parents may be aloof, selfish ***wads, and they may have conditioned you throughout much of your life to expect apathetic "you'll be okay" responses and nothing more, but your parents are not normal. And you should be upset, about your situation, because it sucks. You're mentally ill with paranoia, psychosis, anxiety, self-harming urges and agitation, with an aloof mother and an alcoholic father who reportedly just gets angry about you being mentally ill. That sucks. It is normal for you to be upset about that, and if you completely freak out at school, that's normal, too. It's normal for people in your shoes to be angry, freaked out and overwhelmed.

But i am not angry at my situation i was angry at the people on here who keep making wrong assumptions about me even after i corrected them and then they told me i was wrong about my own feelings that is what i am angry about why does nobody understand am i speaking freaking english because I am starting to think i mustn't be.