How attached is too attached?

Hi everyone. I'm really new here, and all over the place mentally at the moment, so be kind! I did an intro post at the introduction form.

I have seen my psychotherapist since Sept. '06, and right away I thought there was a connection. I've seen many counselors/social workers/therapists over the years and they all were horrible - except one - who had to leave soon after I was referred to her because of maternity. So this causes extreme abandonment fears when I'm in therapy. But this therapist I see now is really caring, and seems to really "get it".

I have MPD - which she is extremely new too - but has been wonderful with my little ones - and wonderful with all the things my alters have talked about wit her.

Memories are flooding forward, and she's really done well with helping us all feel safe and secure with her in her office. My little ones have called her on many occassions, and once even went to her office after hours because they were scared of a storm - and she let them just sit with her until my friend picked us up.

She's gone above and beyond in helping us feel safe, which is awesome. But, with my extreme abandonment fears, I always worry we're too attached - that we look to her too much - or that we rely on her too much. I worry somewhere along the way we will disclose something that will make her "leave us". She promises up and down that she's not going anywhere, which causes us to cling to her more.

Is it wrong to be sooo attached?
Is it wrong to seek this comfort from her?
How attached is "too attached", or is there such a thing in theapy?

Not sure if this made sense... But yeah..

hey. welcome to psychcentral :-)
sounds to me like you are doing some really good work in therapy. i don't think that it is wrong for you to feel so attached or to seek comfort. i think that where you are at is part of the process of working through the feelings. i guess... i feel similarly dependent / needy / clingy / scared of abandonment with respect to my therapist. i'm terrified i'll say or do something that will result in his cringing from me with disgust or result in his yelling at me to get the hell out and never come back. i get real scared about that. but... its because of past stuff. i'm hoping that working through these feelings with him... allowing myself to need him and cling to him and stuff... will eventually result in my being able to be more intimate with people outside therapy. i'm hoping it will result in my being able to trust people better and let them in emotionally better and not have to push them away so much. i hope...

it is scary though, huh. really, very.

Stormy,

Welcome. I agree with Alexandra. You don't have to worry about being too attached. I feel attached to my T right now as well, and yes it feels frightening because of abandonment fears. But this is the work we need to do in order to integrate the feelings of attachment as good feelings and not frightening ones.

Keep up the good work.

Welcome Stormy! Many of us here are just as attached. It isn't wrong, it is therapy!

Hey stormy,
I agree with the others, attachment isn't "wrong" at all in therapy - it sounds like you're doing awesome work!

stormyangels, I don't think you are too attached. It sounds like you are doing good work in therapy and that your T is very kind and understanding and is providing what you and your alters need right now.

Your question does make me wonder, though, can a person be too attached in therapy? (I don't think you are, stormy.) And what does that look like? (Stalking?)

Part of therapy is about working through our issues that have resulted from our caretaker's poor attachment with us. That we are able to attach to a t is a wonderful thing, as for others it takes a very long time, or not at all....so consider it a step in the right direction that you have attached.

''How attached is too attached'' Now THAT'S a good question! I guess there's healthy attachment and unhealthy attachment. If I am attaching to my t in an unhealthy way then this will work itself out within the therapeutic relationship. For example, t will take care of her own boundaries. Or, t will steer me toward more healthy ways of coping. Get what I'm saying?

Probably if you google 'healthy attachment' you'll get a whole lot more. And while you're at it why not google 'unhealthy attachment in therapy'....

Best of luck, and WELCOME TO PC!

</font><blockquote><div id="quote"><font class="small">Quote:</font>
sunrise said:
And what does that look like? (Stalking?)

</div></font></blockquote><font class="post">

Uhhhhh yeah I think stalking would be too attached.

As for the original post, nah you don't sound too attached. I'm terribly attached to my therapist too, but it's helping rather than hurting, and I'm able to share more with him.

But yeah, no stalking. That'd be over the line....

Sidony

Thanks everyone. I know a lot of my fear is that my attachment will chase people off because of the huge abandonment fear.
Hmm... Yes, stalking would be a little much. Makes me think of the movie "What about Bob", now THAT'S attatched.

</font><blockquote><div id="quote"><font class="small">Quote:</font>
stormyangels said:
Thanks everyone. I know a lot of my fear is that my attachment will chase people off because of the huge abandonment fear.
Hmm... Yes, stalking would be a little much. Makes me think of the movie "What about Bob", now THAT'S attatched.

</div></font></blockquote><font class="post">

LOL. Yeah that was too funny. A therapist's worst nightmare no doubt.

As long as you're not in "Bob" stage, you're probably not any worse than the rest of us. Therapy is intense!

Sidony