Too Attached

I have been seeing my T for 2 years now. I am starting to feel stronger, but I dread termination issues. We have talked about this and he told me that ending therapy will be a decision either made by me or by us.

The problem is that now I am seeing him every week. He knows better than to suggest that we see every other week because it would make me become totally obsessive. I think that he hopes that I will make the decision to go to every other week but I really don't want to do that. I feel so much better seeing him every week. I hate feeling so dependent and I almost feel like I am taking advantage of him (even though I am paying him). I can't fathom the time when I will be able to accept the fact that I will never see him again. It's very frustrating!

Please know that these thoughts and feelings are perfectly normal. Now try and ease your mind, and eliminate your fears about termination. It won't happen until you are ready, and you decide. Even after you have all your problems solved (sounds like a great T, btw) you can still see him to stay ahead of day to day issues for as long as you need to.

Taking advantage of him? Ok, let's look at this from a totally non-personal view. The T chose this career for many reasons, one is to help people. To be able to do this, he has to charge a fee. You are paying, or seeing that he is paid, for your sessions. You are being helped by these sessions. He's helping you, he's being paid. Sounds like the plan it should be in that respect.

You won't progress in therapy if you are worrying about having to stop therapy. So, as soon as you can, dispel those fears and move along. (((hugs))) If you can't do this on your own, then have this conversation again with your T. He'll understand, and be able to help you realize it's all in your control.

TC

Soliaree I can so understand where you are coming from as I have recently been throught he exact same thing. I have been seeing my therapist every week for the las 2 1/2 years and could not imagine that I would ever change...but I did. About two months ago I decided I would try to go to once every two weeks because I felt like I was doing better and I was. Of course it was quite a difficult change but I am starting to feel more confident and at ease with this new schedule. I still can't imagine never seeing him....termination but at one point in my therapy I could not imagine not seeing him every week either but I have made that gradual progress. It has been so slow and subtle that it was there before I even realized. I know I always have the option of going back weekly as my therapist has told me this several times but It is with a sense of pride that I am continuing ever two week....at least for now and seem to be doing good so far. I hope this helps you some and just as I saw endless weekly sessions as far as the eye could see I now see sessions every two weeks for as far as the eye can see. Its all a matter of perspective from were we are at the time.

Soliaree, a few months ago I reached a point when I was seeing my T mainly every other week. I was at a time when that worked for me. It helped knowing it didn't mean termination was on the horizon, but just that at that time, that was what I needed. I was feeling pretty good (seems like ages ago now!). Now I am back to weekly, because I need more support. He lets me make the appointments and choose how often to come. If you are going to see your T weekly and you start to be really functional, not really have problems in therapy to work on each week, not enough stuff to talk about, etc., then maybe that means you can go less frequently. But if still have major problems and work you are doing in therapy each week, and are at no loss each session on what to talk about and how to advance your healing, then it seems like it is not time to go less frequently. Just ask yourself which is it for you right now and go with what you need.

Sky,
Thanks for your sound advice! Yes, my T is absolutely the best -- another reason why this is so difficult. You're right, I'll probably end up discussing this issue with him next week. Sometimes it feels overwhelming knowing that I am in control. If I'm left in charge, my fear is that I'll see him every week until the day I die. Hmmmm. . . Actually, that's my wish. lol

LittleMouse - It's great to hear that you're doing so well! True, maybe I just need time! I hope that my dependence lessens as time goes by.

Sunrise - Yes, I also went for every other week for awhile and now go weekly. I still feel like I need weekly sessions but I'm not sure if it is a need or a want. My emotions and thoughts are at odds on this issue.

Thanks for the help! It is nice to know that other people understand!

Soliaree, I go twice weekly, it helps the process along. The need you feel you have for T right now will change as you change. It will become a pleasent fondness and appriciation for the gift without a box you have been given.

When I got to where we were going to terminate in a couple years, I reminded myself that it wasn't "today" each time I came in for therapy and I worked hard that session (and inbetween). Learning to shift my focus so it was in the present rather than the future helped me a lot. Work now to learn/do some things that will make then better? Concentrate on things you want to do with/have in your life (school, job, people, etc.) and how to become the sort of person you want to be. Keeping a journal helped me a lot too. Lots of things take practice and time; pretend you are in 9th grade, just starting high school, and thinking about graduation. There's plenty of time to do all that needs doing inbetween.

About a year ago we started to talk about termination..... just touching on my general feelings about termination.. and I couldn't handle it. I couldn't go there... I started to react as if we were actually terminating at that moment. I HATE THE WORD TERMINATION. It seems like such a nasty word for such a beautiful, unique relationship.

It does get so that therapy is still enjoyable but not "necessary" and you're doing a whole bunch of other things and almost resent taking the time! Think of your friendships you had when you were younger that just kind of petered out and things you were mad for when you were a kid that don't interest you at all now. Truly, as you get betterer and betterer it works the same way. The issues get resolved!