the more i get attached to my T...

The more I get attached to my T,the sadder i get. I have no idea whats going on. I get so scared. I know she wont leave me. But i think I get sad because i know the more I get attached, the less I'll get from her. I know if I get attached, she will have to set boundaries and hurt me. The more I get attached, the more I ache for more than a therapeutic relationship with her.. with anyone, and i know i cant have it. she represents another inaccessible person for me and i hate needing her. it hurts.

I understand exactly what you mean. It really does hurt. Thinking warm thoughts of you ((((((((((((((( EV )))))))))))))))

(((((ev))))) Thinking of you and admire that you are able to have a relationship with a T at all, I've yet to get the courage to open up to one. Hang in there!

(((((Fuzzy)))))
I love how great you are! I see where you have posted and it always brings a smile to my face no matter how down I am......


Lori

((((( esthersvirtue ))))) Sorry, that's all I can muster atm. But thinking of you...

(((((((((( esthervirtue )))))))))

I get attached to my T to... I feel that he is the only one willing to listen and help me...

Transfer the attachment to the work you are doing together, not to her personally. No you cannot have her but you can have and take with you the work you do with her. Remember your elementary school teachers and how you learned some subject(s), the joy in understanding some new subject. Remember when you "got it" -- reading, multiplication, long division, dividing fractions, writing cursive? Your T is there to help you like that. Ask for some homework? Telling your T about the homework the next session and what you learned between sessions can help you orient to the work and what you are doing rather than your T. Take your fantasies to their logical conclusions; you can't live with your T, you wouldn't fit with the rest of her family, her life. Think about how uncomfortable that would make you. Think about all the other people she sees and how they like her too. Remind yourself every now and then of the reality of the situation rather than dwelling on your fantasy.

thank you for the warm thoughts fuzzy, always, & Tanya Grave.

mssummom, I left you a message posted in the thread honoring you in the appreciation forum You are just too kind!!

Thanks for offering a new way to think of this situation Perna. I don't really want to be apart of her life. I just want to know she likes me. ... that if I wasn't her client, that she would actually want to know me. That there is authenticity when she says she really cares about me. How can i know its true?

Could you "pretend" to like someone, to work hard at helping them just for money? Why think therapists can? They can't "invest" themselves in working with you, learning about your problems and imagining what it's like to be you without "liking" you. You're brave, sharing with her your feelings and life, you're working hard at getting well, what's not to like? Other people don't see us as we think we look (which isn't necessarily how we "feel" about ourselves) anymore than we see them as they think or feel about themselves. Think how "helpful" your therapist seems to you and think about how helpful you are online here sometimes, how you think about other people's posts and problems? They're exactly the same! Your T isn't a special being of some sort, super caring, super helpful and knowing all about you; she can only know what you tell her, as you tell her, can only feel about you what she sees and reports to you. She is honest so if she says she cares, just accept it on faith and use it to help you. Sometimes T's make mistakes too in their work and knowing that your T cares about you, isn't out to "get" you or hurt you can come in very handy! I use to "credit" my T for "trying" even if she didn't understand what I said. She WANTS to understand and that's almost as good as the actual understanding because in the end it's only us individually who are going to do the work and change ourselves/our perceptions and ways of feeling/being. The T's are just along for the ride, for the companionship they offer. They aren't actually "doing" anything, that's all us. Recognize her caring for you and "lean into" it so you learn to know that no matter what happens in therapy, how scary it is, how angry you get, how often you have to tell her something because she doesn't remember, etc. she's there with you, trying to "follow" alongside you as you work your way to better mental health. Much easier to discuss scary subjects with someone you trust and who trusts you to be able to confront and deal with whatever comes up.

estersvirtue,

I could have written this post myself if only i had known the words. It feels like you read my heart. Im thinking of you

(((((((allthegirls))))))) Just a little support.

Thanks.. Perna... I think its something i might need to talk to my T about. I definately have a fear of needing people.

Yea, I sort of have maybe the same thing, I adore, envy, admire my shrinks like crazy! I am attached very close and sometimes I fear never seeing them again or osmething. I wonder about them a lot and would be very sad if one died. Even know some of them have been and still are being jerks, I love anyone dearly no matter what they do, it's just me! Good luck Sarah

(((esthersville)))

Let me break down your post? You said so much!

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The more I get attached to my T,the sadder i get. I have no idea whats going on. I get so scared. I know she wont leave me. But i think I get sad because i know the more I get attached, the less I'll get from her.

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Why do you think you will receive less from the professional you are paying to help you, because you feel an attachment? Something inside you tells you that she WILL leave you if she knew. I think otherwise. If a T removes themself from such a process, then it is the T who is weak, not the patient You say you have no idea what is going on...it IS part and parcel of therapy work.

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I know if I get attached, she will have to set boundaries and hurt me.

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Your T already has boundaries firmly in place I'll bet. What part of her having boundaries will "hurt" you? You already feel unsure about your feelings. Let her help you identify them, not feel so confused about them, and progress further in the therapy process?

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The more I get attached, the more I ache for more than a therapeutic relationship with her.. with anyone,

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This is a common element in good therapy! Often it's a necessary one, before moving into more intense feelings. You're healing, and wish to have more...someone to be there with you...perhaps your aloneness is urging you into this feeling... perhaps it's the T's caring that you never experienced from anyone. It's the safeness of the relationship that is allowing you to even sense this, and think these thoughts imo.

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and i know i cant have it.

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With anyone? Why not try using the good relationship you have with the T to help you create good relationships with other ppl also? A good T models behavior for you to experience real life emotions, and learn real life skills.

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she represents another inaccessible person for me

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Of course your T is accessible to you... consider what you are withholding from her first.

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and i hate needing her.

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This is the crux of the whole post, imo. It is a normal emotion. None of us wish to have the relationship of a patient-therapist in the realm in which it exisits. We want to have that person as a friend, and not need therapy at all!

Please share your current feelings with your T. As I said, it is a normal element of progress within the therapeutic relationship. DOn't be afraid of how you are feeling towards her, but discuss it. Wouldn't you be happy to do that, have her know, and allow her to help you work through it and learn to find that aspect in your life that you can act upon? That's therapy.

Your T won't be surprised at your feelings at all. She might very well be able to put you at ease with them, and at least understand them. Good wishes!

thanks sarah, jennie, and sky..
I think i am going to talk about it some what with my T.

Good idea!