[story237]

I'm having a really difficult time tonight. I went to therapy today and my therapist had wanted me to make a timeline starting with the first ten years of my life. (We're trying to see patterns, impulse problems, issues etc.) I did that, and well, there is just a huge concern or red flag raising because I totally believe that in this modern age there are a LOT of therapists who jump to ADD if it's a kid, or to "repressed memories/abuse" if you're an adult. Now you know, -sighing again- She was trying to imply that because my father, being a good man, a good provider - worked sometimes 2 or even 3 jobs, and that my mom was distant... that maybe someone knew I was "vulnerable" and "could have taken advantage of that". I mean..... God. I don't even know how to explain how that session today left me feeling. Offended?

No one "took advantage" of me. Seriously. *I* was maybe more sexually curious than some kids my age. I found my dad's porno mags and looked at them when I was 9 or 10, and once I played you know, show and tell with the neighbor boys.... but does that mean that there was some kind of sexual abuse? Not in my book it doesn't. And she says that the fact that I admit to being promiscuous only a few years later at around age 14 rather supports the idea. -shaking my head- And I'm sorry, I just ain't buying it. I'm not pushing the idea away because it frightens me - although it certainly wouldn't be pleasant to learn - but sincerely, honestly, I can't think of anyone, or any situation in where such abuse would ever have taken place. The promiscuity occurring as a means to gain favor and attention and "love"? Yes, that I can see clearly now at my age - but I maintain and will continue to maintain that it was NOT a secondary symptom of sexual abuse. God, that frustrates me. Like I said I think a LOT of therapists jump to that conclusion, and if this lady is so eager to see that in my past, then maybe I should change therapists right now before I reveal anymore of my messed up life, because God only knows what she'll think when I get into getting pregnant, having an abortion, blah blah not to mention MY parenting skills or lack therof.

I don't know. I have another counseling appointment next week. By that time she wants me to delve into the next ten years, which as I've written is where things really start to get warped in my life. I think I have to call the place where she works and talk to someone. I'd LIKE to talk to my case manager but she's really proving to be kind of unreliable, which sucks. Well, in fairness, I'm not her only case, but still... if you can't do the job, then don't take it on, right? So I think Monday I'll call and ask if it would be possible for me to get in to see someone other than my therapist and explain my concerns.

I just don't know.

I mean, despite everything, despite my resolute belief that nothing of the sort ever happened, it's a scary thing to ask - what if she's right? -laughing- Hell, who knows. In a way it might be nice to have an excuse for everything being wrong in my life, but even if it were true, that'd be no reason to blame everything on that. There are hundreds if not thousands of abuse cases where people lead productive, "normal" lives, or grew up with alcoholism etc etc.

But I assert, her suggestions or implications are without basis, period.

BTW: I was formally diagnosed as Bipolar2 in December 2006. I am currently only taking Lamictal 50mg with what to me seems like no measurable success.

hey there. if i had that experience with a therapist then i would not return to that therapist. i've had that experience before actually and i walked out and didn't go back. i sent her an email explaining that i wanted help making sense of my life, sure, because there was a lot that i didn't know how to make sense of. if she is determined that its all about sexual abuse, however, then i don't think she is so interested in figuring things out with me as she is interested in imposing her views (probably as a result of some agenda).

maybe there is abuse that you have forgotten or maybe there isn't. sounds like you really don't think so.

i hear you. i'm in the same boat.

there are a variety of things that can lead to problems later in life... personally... i think mine come down to intensely dysregulated negative emotions. don't think they were caused by sexual abuse but you know i kind of find the causes of the experiences of a whole heap less interest than the actual experiences that i'm suffering with.

i simply can't work with someone who doens't feel / believe similarly.

Whether there was abuse that you don't recall, or no abuse at all, you should never feel as though a therapist is swaying you to one side or another. If you feel like this, you definitely need to address it. A good therapist should just guide and facilliate you so that stuff comes out-- whatever it is-- they may be able to lead you towards something... you know, like say you have control issues or something, but you aren't ready to admit it... a therapist may see it, and lead you to admiiting it yourself... but as far as something like abuse... you shouldn't feel pushed by your therapist.

[sunrise]

Hi Story. Welcome to the psychotherapy forum on PC.

How long have you been seeing this therapist? Do you have a good alliance and are able to trust her? From what you wrote, she sounds very pushy and directive to me. I'm used to the client choosing the topics for discussion each session, and it sounds like she is pushing the stuff she wants to talk about on you. Also, when she made the incorrect interpretation of abuse in your past, she should have watched and listened carefully to your response, to check her interpretation for accuracy. When you told her it was not true, she should have withdrawn it. Therapists are not always correct in their interpretations, but good God, they have to be willing to listen to the client to see if their interpretation is accepted or not!

The way you describe the session it scary to me. I can understand why it would be hard to go back for another session. For me, it might depend on how long I had been seeing her and how strong our alliance was.

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I have another counseling appointment next week. By that time she wants me to delve into the next ten years

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Is it really relevant what she wants? What do you want to do at your next session? Why is she being so directive? I'm also finding it odd that your therapist thinks she can cover 10 years at each session. That is a lot of territory!

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I think I have to call the place where she works and talk to someone. I'd LIKE to talk to my case manager... So I think Monday I'll call and ask if it would be possible for me to get in to see someone other than my therapist and explain my concerns.

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Why do you want to talk to someone where she works? Are you seeking to report her for incompetency? Or are you hoping you can get switched to another therapist but remain at this same clinic? What is the role of a case manager? Is that person a mental health professional? Would he/she give you advice on whether to drop this therapist or not? Since you are on meds, does that mean you have a psychiatrist in addition to your therapist? Could you share your concerns about your therapist with your psychiatrist and get some advice? Sorry for so many questions!

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God only knows what she'll think when I get into getting pregnant, having an abortion, blah blah not to mention MY parenting skills or lack therof

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This statement sounds like you don't really trust her, so it might be premature for you to reveal such important events from your past. If you and your T do continue to see each other, do you think it would help to work on your alliance first, so you could get to the point of feeling comfortable enough to share such important stuff?

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But I assert, her suggestions or implications are without basis, period.

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I hope you can state this to her in a similarly emphatic way.

Take care, story.

[MissCharlotte]

Hi story,

Welcome!

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Hell, who knows.

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You do! Not your therapist. If you feel that your therapist is pushing you then please speak to her about this and, if necessary, get another

Good luck!

[SecretGarden]

It seems like when you are in therapy that you need to have someone that you can work with. Seems like she is in to speed therapy and making all kind of assumptions. I think that you need to find someone that you enjoy working with that you can both figure out what is going on rather than the T making so many assumptions. Things will come out to you if/when it is time....if it has happened. Your T might be bring things up that you need to address but this does not sound like a therapist that would be allowing you input in to your own therapy. lol Go to plan B.

[ClaireB]

Story, trust that gut feeling.

[story237]

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sunrise said:
Hi Story. Welcome to the psychotherapy forum on PC.

How long have you been seeing this therapist? Do you have a good alliance and are able to trust her? From what you wrote, she sounds very pushy and directive to me.

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Well, I've been seeing her now for probably 2 or 3 months. The whole idea of doing a timeline though was my own plan to see if I/we could identify negative patterns, impulse control issues, etc. in order to hopefully see in the future when something like that is occurring and kind of nip it in the bud. She seems directive to me also though in a way I can't really pinpoint. For instance, we were talking about how I got spankings as a kid, and she was saying how that was "physical abuse", well excuse me but a LOT of kids get spankings and turn out just fine and in my personal opinion as I told her it is far different from "physical abuse". I also told her about getting a whack, you know, in elemetary school from a teacher. She said that also is physically abusive. No, I argued, if half the damn kids in school nowadays got their asses hit with a board, you wouldn't see the crap you see in the classrooms. Again, just my opinion to which she brushed off as "Well if you were raised with that sort of physical punishment then that's what you think is ok." - -- So that bothers me too.

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Is it really relevant what she wants? What do you want to do at your next session? Why is she being so directive? I'm also finding it odd that your therapist thinks she can cover 10 years at each session. That is a lot of territory!

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Yes, I know it IS a lot to cover in any one session and I already told her that the time in my life from about age 12 to age 20 will take 3 or 4 or more sessions, to which she agreed. Again, understand that the timeline idea was mine.I just meant to say that for the next session, she would like me to have sort of an outline of the next ten years so we can begin to work on that - but I think the first ten years aren't done being worked on if we have this obstacle of her "something indicates sexual abuse" to get over.

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Why do you want to talk to someone where she works? Are you seeking to report her for incompetency? Or are you hoping you can get switched to another therapist but remain at this same clinic? What is the role of a case manager? Is that person a mental health professional? Would he/she give you advice on whether to drop this therapist or not? Since you are on meds, does that mean you have a psychiatrist in addition to your therapist? Could you share your concerns about your therapist with your psychiatrist and get some advice? Sorry for so many questions!

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I guess the case manager would be the best person to start with so far as discussing how the therapist's comments made me very uneasy. Actually, I'm not sure about the case manager's credentials but I'm sure she has at least a social work type degree. Her function is that she comes out to my house and I don't know, I guess acts as a liason to whatever I need, like agencies etc, and she's gone in to my appointments with the psych doc also. Meh, I'm kind of pissed off at her right now because she's not performing the way I feel she should. Yes, I do have a psychiatrist at this clinic but no, I wouldn't talk to him about the therapist because first of all he's just eh.... on a personality scale of 1-10, he's about a 1.5 you know? Very dry, unenthused, bland. Supposedly "he knows his medications!" so whatever. Funny that he does and yet both things he's put me on aren't working at all. Secondly, he'd just say "Well if you feel you need to change to a different therapist, you certainly have that option," which sets it squarely back in my lap.

What you have to realize here also, is that I'm kind of in a limited choice situation. This place I go to is sort of the only place around here that will see people who have no insurance, which for now includes me. Beggars as they say can't be choosers.

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This statement sounds like you don't really trust her, so it might be premature for you to reveal such important events from your past. If you and your T do continue to see each other, do you think it would help to work on your alliance first, so you could get to the point of feeling comfortable enough to share such important stuff?

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That's what I was left thinking after I left session the other day. I thought, wow, if she suggests sexual abuse after one hour and minmal highlights of my childhood up to age 10, maybe I shouldn't even continue with the rest of it - and truthfully in some ways, I'm scared to pick at that scab you know? But I want to, I really do. I want to spill out how my life overall has been nothing but one stressful thing after another, maybe to substantiate how I am now, or maybe to find some resolution/solution. Still, I need someone I can trust to LISTEN and not to just blurt out that A may indicate B, right? I guess my point is, maybe it's not a bad thing that she think it to herself, but I don't think it was really appropriate to overtly suggest it to me so early in the game. Given that she did, now I'm thinking that she is predisposed to believing this when I am adamant that it did NOT happen in any way. So I guess to me now it feels like I'd be swimming upstream in therapy and it's supposed to be cathartic and GOOD for me, not worrysome and a case of me second guessing everything I say for fear of how she will interpret it, and I know very well that's what I'll be doing now.

Thanks for your support and commentary.

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I found my dad's porno mags and looked at them when I was 9 or 10, and once I played you know, show and tell with the neighbor boys.... but does that mean that there was some kind of sexual abuse? Not in my book it doesn't.

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But to someone educated in child development it might mean something. I think you were at least exposed to adult sex way too early and that may be what she'd like to explore. It's possible the effect(s) of that, which you aren't conscious of, contributed to your idea that being promiscuous (not judging here--so was I) was the way to find love?

I think it bears exploring as everything does. You are free to disagree with her about it and should if you feel that way. But exploring might just be interesting anyway.

I think you should hang in a bit with her.

[lauren_helene]

This was an action packed first session. I probably wouldn't continue with her because she is making assumptions already without really knowing YOU.

IMHO

I understand your views. I think that she jumped to conclusion. I also think a T should help you know what you already know meaning she should impose her views but guide you through healing. In my opinion, it sounds like the exposure to porn very early had a deep impression. That has been researched to show that it usually results in promiscuous behavior (not saying that you were). So even without an 'abuse explanation', it seems that many of the issues of your life could be explained by that. i do however think keeping porn accessible to kids is at least neglect in some situations, but that is for you to decide if it is in yours.. not your therapists. I'd bring it up, and if it seems she is still forceful in that direction, it may be best to move on.